


Matches and Flames

by katherine1753



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Modern AU, Slow Burn, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, and lots of happy fluff in between, hux's pov
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-31 17:58:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 47,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6480874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katherine1753/pseuds/katherine1753
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The names on people's wrists weren't just suggestions. They were fate. Destiny.<br/>So how could Hux be falling in love with someone who wasn't his Match?</p><p>Angsty at first but there will be happiness I swear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> warning for bullying in this chapter

**1**

_Oh what a thing it is, to find your Match._  
_Two parts of a whole, you will attach._  
_To live each day with them beside_  
_Only then, truly satisfied._

\---

When Brendol Hux II was five years old, he came to fully understand how cruel the world could be.

\---

It was his first day of school. The first day filled with the potential to learn and grow and become, to meet people and make friends, to experience life. It made him nervous, but his mother smiled for him. Brendol was usually nervous, often a side effect of his being so bright, but he was also easily encouraged, as many small children are.

“Today's the day, Brendol!” his mother said excitedly. “I know you'll be good for your teacher. Do at least try to make some friends, I put two extra cookies in your lunch box so that you can share.”

Brendol perked up at the mention of cookies, big blue eyes looking up at his mother.

“And who knows,” she continued in a teasing tone. “Maybe today you'll meet your Ben. My sister met her Match in elementary school after all.” She tapped his wrist lightly and petted a soothing hand over his carefully brushed red hair.

His Ben. He looked at the name on his wrist, like he had every day since he could remember. This time he looked upon it with a tiny smile. There was bound to be at least one Ben amongst the children, right? It was a common enough name. Maybe he would find his Match, his Ben, the one person in the world that could have 'Brendol Hux' on their wrist.

\---

He tried to remain optimistic as he walked into his classroom, one year ahead of the other children there. He was already short for his age, and smaller, with red hair and a dusting of freckles that brought stares from a lot of the six-year-olds. He would just have to prove himself, prove to them that he belonged there, that he was smart enough, and then maybe they would respect him. He took a deep breath and looked around the room for a friendly face, hoping to find a friend to make his mother proud.

Brendol found a seat by the wall. The girl next to him scooted two inches away and wouldn't look at him when he said hi. She obviously thought she was too good for little five-year-olds.

With a small sigh, Brendol sat at his desk and pulled out his books silently, waiting for class to begin.

**\---**

The first Ben that Brendol meets is Ben Stevens, seven years old, practically an adult to his mere five years. Brendol had wandered alone into the cafeteria, knowing that he should try to find someone to sit with, when he heard a few children laughing.

“That was the funniest joke ever, Ben!” a girl gushed. Brendol's ears perked up at the name and he headed over to the table.

“Hello,” he tried to say confidently, but his voice was a bit quieter than he intended. “My name is Brendol Hux, it's nice to meet you. May I sit here?” His proffered hand was stared at blankly by three sets of eyes. He almost pulled it away when the one called Ben's gaze flickered down to his wrist then back up. He had an odd sort of calculating expression on his face.  
  
“Sure, Brandon. You can sit here.”

The girl looked at Ben strangely, but the other boy nudged her as Hux sat down.

“Brendol, actually,” Brendol replied quietly. “Um. My mom gave me extra cookies. In case I...made friends...” he finished lamely, knowing how stupid he must sound, especially to these children that were clearly older and more popular than him.

There were only three cookies in his lunch box, but he gave them all to his new friends. His mother would be so proud of him for sharing and that he made not one, but _three_ friends on his first day of school. He even met a boy named Ben.

He noticed that Ben had a cool looking bracelet covering where his Match's name would be. Brendol was a little curious about that but didn't say anything. He just tried to follow along with their conversation, mostly in silence.  
  
“So, Brandon, is this your first day?”

“Brendol...” he corrected again. Ben didn't seem to show any sort of recognition at the name. He was a bit disheartened, especially when the girl giggled, but tried not to let it get to him. “And yes, it's my first day.”

\---

Jessica and Daniel, the other two children that were always hanging out with Ben, never hid their distaste of Brendol from him. Ben, on the other hand, would usually be nice to him. Though he never did stop them from making rude comments or whispering behind Brendol's back. Every day they would take Brendol's cookies and he was never really all that upset about it, thinking that maybe eventually some niceness would be reciprocated.

Some days he found himself doing the other children's homework, not quite sure how he got talked into it. He didn't really mind though, ever hopeful. Maybe this was how friendships worked. Maybe someday Ben would do something for him in return.

Often times though, Brendol found the teasing almost too much for him to handle. He started trying to avoid Jessica, the main cause of most of the harsh treatment, even if it meant having to cut his time short with Ben. Ben never seemed to mind not seeing Brendol around anyway. It made Brendol sad, just like it made him sad when the children called him Brendon or Brandon or even Brian. He kept telling himself that things would get better.

\---

Brendol's odd first name, diminutive stature, and older-than-his-years way of speaking made him an easy target, causing school to become a daily hell. Ever since the incidents with Jessica began, he had been mocked for everything from the freckles on his face to his lack of a father to the fact that he was a year younger and smarter than everyone in his class. Children could be so mean to those who are different. But Brendol tried to remain strong, tried to keep his chin up, and just go to school for the purpose it was meant for: to learn. He started spending all of his free time in the library, including lunch and recess, at first to avoid the bullies but also because he truly enjoyed spending his time away with books. He stopped trying to make friends, avoiding the questions from his mother about why he suddenly started bringing home the extra cookies she tended to pack for him to share.

He was able to keep that up for a few weeks, but then things quickly fell apart.

Two weeks later there was an outdoor activity planned for the whole school. Brendol had asked politely to stay inside and work on his homework in the library, but his teacher had insisted that all the students had to go.

He was pushed to the back of the single-file line of children to get outside, so he was last to enter the courtyard. He immediately sought out Ben, hoping for a bit of comfort in the familiar face.

“Is it true you have a boy's name for your Match?” one of Jessica's friends asked meanly as he walked by. He just shrugged and kept walking, eyes down. He had already been teased for being gay by some of the other children. He always knew he was different. All the other little boys had feminine names on their wrists that Hux could see, that or the leather bracelets most people wore. A lot of boys would take off their bracelets to show off and chase the little girls, calling them by different names to match their wrists. He honestly didn't know if he was gay or not, he hadn't been ashamed of the name on his wrist before, he had always just accepted it.

The other children joined in the mocking, some going as far as to push him. He looked around frantically, pleading eyes searching out for Ben. Surely Ben would make them stop, surely he would help.

Ben's gaze was cold when it fell upon Brendol.

“Ben, help, please,” he began.

“Get away from me,” Ben said with a look of disgust on his face.

“But-” another kid pushed him and he tripped, almost falling.

“I said stay away from me!” Ben shoved him to the ground. Hard. He felt the sharp tiny rocks pierce his skin as he tried to catch himself. “I was only ever nice to you since I could get what I wanted from you. Are you that dumb that you didn't notice?”

“I...I thought maybe you were my Match,” Brendol said softly, confused.

“Your Match?” Ben said incredulously, scoffing. “Oh please. I'm not gay like you,” Ben sneered at him and advanced on Brendol again. Brendol flinched back with a whimper. Ben ripped off his bracelet and shoved his wrist towards Hux's face. “See? Michelle. That's a girl's name. And a _normal_ name.”

His tone was taunting and Brendol could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, no matter how fast he tried to blink them away.

“What, are you going to cry? You disgust me.” Ben kicked a cloud of dust and dirt and him, laughing along with the small crowd that had gathered.

Brendol pushed himself up off the ground, shaking and in pain. He ran around the edge of the school, laughter stinging just as badly as the gravel in his skinned palms. He tugged on his sleeves, sniffling as he leaned against the cool brick wall of the back of the school. Sinking down to the ground, he curled his arms around himself and cried. Oh how he cried, little heart sure that Ben had been the one, his Match, and yet Ben was the one that hurt him the most.

In his mind, a belief began to cement itself that this simply was how things were for a lot of people. Fate was cruel. The world was cruel. And he was alone. There was a small part of him that remained hopeful and he desperately tried to squash it out. He knew it would only hurt him later to hold onto that.

That night, Brendol had begged and begged his mother for a bracelet like so many of the other children had. He had never been ashamed before but once the teasing had started it was sometimes all he could feel. His mother, always so supportive and kind, got him one the very next morning. But for Brendol, the damage had already been done: a complicated, twisting self-doubt and fear that took root in his tender mind.

It was then that he decided to solely go by Hux.

Brendol only cried three other times during the next twenty-five years of his life.

\---

When a person is born, they have a name, a special name, that appears on the inside of their right wrist. This is the name of their Match, the one person they are meant to spend the rest of their lives with. Their soulmate. Most people find their true Match and are happy. But not everyone is so lucky. Some people don't have a Match. Some people find their Match when it is entirely too late. Some people find their Match but their Match has a different name on their wrist. Half-Matches were always pitied.

As time went on, names of Matches became a more private thing, especially when names were a sensitive subject. People often hid the name when it was obviously the same gender as their own name. Some people hid overly religious names. Others hid different ethnic names. And some people, people like Brendol, hid their Match's name because of how other people treated him.

For those people, hiding their destiny was much less painful.

Brendol Hux II was five years old when he came to discover how cruel and cold the world could be, so he projected that coldness back to the world. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux meets his second Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: minor character death (an OC)

**2**

Hux's mother had 'Brendol' on her wrist: his father's name. His father, on the other hand, did not have his mother's name as his Match. Hux's mother was seen as a Half-Match and was either pitied or looked down upon by anyone that knew, and as Matches were a heavily gossiped about topic, it was hard to avoid. Hux's mother named her son Brendol after his father, not as an honor to the man, but so that she could say that her son was the love of her life, how could she possibly have room in her heart for anyone else? She did it for herself.

Hux admired her strength in situations like that. He completely adored his mother and her optimism. Sometimes she was the only thing that kept him positive. The amount of love Hux had for his mother was directly reflected as resentment for his father, a man he had never met. He knew deep down in his logical mind that it wasn't the man's fault, not technically. Fate was fate. But he couldn't help feeling that his father could have tried harder for his mother, just for her sake, instead of leaving eight months before he was born. His father had never wanted children and baby Hux had definitely not been part of their plan. He found it incredibly cruel of his father to leave, to have led her on, and to have built things up only to shatter them. He could have at least tried to help her, Hux thought, because she was always so alone. Hux vowed that if his Match was only a Half, he would give his all trying for their sake.

He sometimes wished that his mother had never met his father and that he'd never been born, just so life was easier for her. The one time he had mentioned it to her aloud, he was promptly shushed and reminded how much she loved him, wanted him, and how important he was in her life.

His mother had loved his father and truly loved her son, and so she tried to give him the world. Hux always tried to please her and keep his mother happy. He only allowed her to call him by his given name. To everyone else, he was simply Hux. He was so sure of being called Hux that he wondered if, _when,_ he ever found his Match that their wrist would say 'Hux.'

\- - -

Bracelets were becoming even more popular to the point where most people were practically just given the wide leather strap at birth. People weren't just hiding names if they were ashamed; Matches were being kept more and more quiet. Hux supposed that was for the best. The only people who seemed to consistently proudly display their Match's name were those who were happily married. Hux also noticed that Half-Matches and those who had lost their spouse usually hid the names under bracelets out of grief or mourning. Hux's mother never wore a bracelet, never was ashamed, never hid her Match's name. Instead, she channeled all of that energy into focus and love for her son.

\- - -

Hux is fifteen when he meets the second Ben, under inconvenient circumstances at best. He often wonders about the second Ben.

\- - -

One thing that Hux liked about growing up was that he suddenly, finally, got taller. He was still as thin as a rail, no matter how much he ate or worked out or tired to remedy it. At least now, though, the other teenagers could no longer tease him about being short when he was rapidly approaching six feet tall. His class of students had more important things to worry about anyway, as they were due to graduate at the end of that school-year. Hux was two years ahead of his classmates at this point and at the top of his class. His freckles had lightened some as he got older, lessening the teasing from that as well, but they were still there, softening his angled face. They blossomed more darkly on his shoulders and across the bridge of his nose whenever he spent any time in the sun.

Hux fidgeted with the bracelet on his wrist, still a bit unused to its constant presence after ten years. It felt strange to have to hide something so visibly. The bracelets drew more attention than the names sometimes. He glanced up at the clock hanging over the receptionist's desk for the third time in fifteen minutes. These appointments always made him nervous even though they weren't his own. Hux had been taking his mother to this particular hospital for a little over two years for her treatments; she had gotten sick a few years prior and had never fully recovered. It was breaking Hux's heart.

He gave the clock another anxious glance, seeing that only a minute and a half had passed since the last time, and let out a sigh. He never knew if the outcome of an appointment would be devastating news or not; every day was a gamble. Hux's fidgeting had developed into more of a nervous habit as time went on.

He stood up suddenly, not able to sit still any longer, and wandered over to the small line for the water fountain. He wasn't even thirsty, but he needed something to pass the time.

“Excuse me,” a polite voice said from his right: a young man trying to sign in at the reception desk. Hux shuffled out of the way, and with just a passing glance there was something about this stranger that had him intrigued.

They sat across from each other in the waiting room, a few rows in between them. Hux found himself looking at the man every so often, wondering who he was there for, surely visiting, as most of the patients this doctor saw were older. The man was only five or six years his senior if Hux were to warrant a guess. Just twenty or twenty-one. He had soft looking hair and Hux was willing to bet he had a nice smile.

He let his mind wander and his eyes drift away, not wanting to be caught staring, until one of the nurses came out from the back and called for a “Ben Cordell.” The stranger followed her. The stranger, a _Ben._ He went through the doctor's door just as Hux looked up and registered the name.

The door to the hall where the doctors only saw terminal patients.  
Just like his mother.

Hux often wondered about the second Ben.

\- - -

It seemed that Ben's appointment schedule was very similar to Hux's mother's. Although sometimes he would be gone for weeks at a time, he was usually there, across the room, every Tuesday and Friday. Hux noticed that sometimes Ben wore a bracelet, but sometimes he didn't. Though he tried not to stare, Hux still attempted to read his wrist from three rows away. Some weeks, Hux sat closer to the middle of the room, hoping Ben would sit nearer to him or walk by.

They did manage to have a few short conversations, just polite greetings and comments about the weather in the few minutes they had in passing. Hux considered that a success, however small the accomplishment may be. In the weeks Hux observed Ben, he noticed that the man always came alone. It made him all the more curious.

Though he knew he may or may not be Ben's Match, Hux found himself wanting to be friends with him anyway, there was just something about him. He seemed mature and nice, and even started some of their brief conversations, while Hux hoped he didn't act like an idiot. Hux wondered if it was his pleasant expressions masking the sad, resigned look in his eyes that made him more intriguing. His eyes were too old for his face, too accepting of fate. Hux, only fifteen, knew he has the same sort of expressions sometimes.

\- - -

Hux stepped out into the hot late-spring heat, sun warming his skin, and held the door open for his mother. She had a good check-up from the doctor that day, and it put Hux into a considerably better mood.

“Mom?” he asked hesitantly after a few minutes of comfortable silence. “There's...a guy. _Ben._ That sees the same doctor as you. Is he...um...” Hux was never able to hide his nervousness behind eloquence around his mother.

She smiled. “He's in my group therapy, darling. I know him well. He just found his Match, Charlie, about a year ago.”

“Oh,” Hux replied. He would admit he was a bit disappointed, but he was glad that Ben had found his Match. It was hard to go through tough times alone. A frown began to crease his brow as he remembered that Ben was always there by himself.

“It's not really my place to say, but Charlie left him just a month ago. He couldn't handle that Ben was only given just a few months to live. Like most of the rest of my group.”

Hux felt his heart sink. How could some people leave their Matches after they'd found them?

“He could use a friend, Brendol,” she said as she patted his arm. “I think we all could. Even if it's just a couple of months.”

It stung Hux's heart how accepting his mother was of her own mortality and fate. There was nothing to be done to alter or stop the cruel march of life and death, but Hux still had a fear of it. Though he feared more for his mother than his own emotional fate. He knew that without her, he would truly be alone. She was right, he did need a friend.

His mother supposedly had two months. Two short months. And Hux was torn between panic and denial. Some days he was sure that that time frame was much too short, that she would definitely pull through. There were other days that he was absolutely terrified. She promised she would go to his graduation if she was able to, and the casual tone she had about her own life was what scared Hux the most. He had applied to a local college just in case she made it past the date the doctors thought; he refused to give up hope. His mother had been frustrated with him, insisting that he go to one of the prestigious schools that were offering him scholarships, but he wouldn't budge. Hux could be incredibly stubborn when he felt he needed to be.

\- - -

Hux's mother had come out of her most recent appointment upset, Hux's heart sinking at the dried tears on her face. Her health had gone downhill suddenly, even though the treatments had been going well. Hux felt himself get pulled into her embrace, wishing that she was hugging him for her own comfort, and not just to take care of him.

Hux started bringing her to the hospital three times a week instead of two. He didn't mind. He was always able to finish his homework during lunch the day before most of the time anyway. His mother felt bad, and Hux was upset that she felt bad because he would do anything take care of her. He told her regularly how much she meant to him.

And so the extra appointments began: Hux keeping his vigil in the waiting room, checking the clock an innumerable amount of times, fidgeting with his bracelet and reading his books when he was able to focus on the printed words.

“So...your mom told you about Charlie,” Hux looked up as Ben sank into the chair directly next to him.

“Oh. Hi. Um. Sorry, yes, I just...” his had went to his bracelet, feeling like he owed Ben an explanation.

“You don't have to take it off, I know you're looking for a Ben. I think your mother wanted to save us the embarrassing awkward bits of this conversation. In any case, I'm sorry it isn't me. You seem nice.”

Hux felt his cheeks warm.

“So now we both know a secret about the other. Now we can move on to more interesting and normal conversations.”

Hux tilted his head slightly, bemused.

“Sorry, I'm being a bit forward, aren't I?” Ben laughed lightly. Hux was right, he did have a nice smile. “I haven't had many people to talk to, honestly. But I thought we could be friends.”

Hux felt a grin forming on his face. “So what kind of things do normal conversations entail?”

It was a nice distraction from the distress he had been feeling. He really appreciated Ben's light tone and quick wit.

\- - -

The two of them became friends rather quickly, which came as a surprise to Hux. He wasn't all that used to people besides his mother being so nice to him. He found Ben easy to talk to and even allowed himself to voice some of his own fears and questions.

“Is it better?” Hux asked one day before he could stop himself out of nervousness. He wished he had planned his question better before asking. “I mean, to have met him for a short time instead of not at all. Would you rather have not had to have the pain of it?”

“It's better to have loved, Hux,” Ben answered honestly. “And to be loved in return. It's worth everything. Even if it is only brief. I don't regret anything. Someday you'll see that. I know you will.”

\- - -

“Some days I don't mind seeing his name,” Ben said one day as he sat in his now-usual seat next to Hux in the waiting room. “But other days it's too hard, so I wear the bracelet.” Ben's fingers twitched toward his covered wrist as he stared straight ahead, blinking back emotion. Hux listened in silence, knowing Ben needed to talk. Hux was a good listener. “I just...wanted him to be happy. And he wasn't anymore. I guess maybe we weren't Matches. I mean, our names are so common it's got to be difficult to know for sure. I knew though. When you find your Match, you'll know, Hux. There's this feeling you get.”

Hux appreciated Ben's optimism for him. “It's a wonderful feeling,” the man continued sadly. “I thought Charlie had it. Maybe not. Maybe I was a Half-Match all along...” he trailed off, deep in thought.

“Ben,” Hux began, not quite sure where to begin expressing empathy.

Ben came back to himself and brightened a bit. Hux knew it was for his sake and it saddened him. “Your name is pretty unique, though, Hux. So when you find yours you can be really sure.”

“Well, I hope it says Hux and not my first name, or we might not find each other. I'm not all that sure how it works.”

“My wrist says Charlie, not Charles, see?” Ben unfastened his bracelet and showed Hux. Charlie was written in a pretty font, curving confidently over his wrist in intertwining letters. “It could go either way I guess. I hope Charlie finds another Ben with 'Charlie' on his wrist. There has to be one out there, right, Hux?”

Hux wasn't sure if an affirmative answer would really be accurate or comforting, but Ben was starting to look panicked. “I suppose so,” he patted his forearm lightly.

Ben let out a small, sad laugh. “Fate can't be awful to everyone, right?” This time the question was not meant to be answered. “It's too late for me, but I really hope you find your Match, Hux. I know you will someday. You've been a great friend.”

“Don't talk like that, Ben,” Hux said quietly.

Ben just grasped his shoulder in reply as he stood up to follow the nurse that called him to the back room.

Hux knew Ben had already accepted his fate and the doctor's timeline. He knew the finite way he talked was trying to lessen the blow for Hux when Ben was gone. Hux hated that Ben and his mother both were so concerned about taking care of Hux's feelings when they were the ones more deserving of it. He didn't know what he'd done to have such nice people in his life.

He wouldn't give up hope for either of them. He even started to listen for people named Charlie to see if maybe they were looking for a Ben, hoping he could give his friend at least a few weeks of happiness.

\- - -

It had been a month since the doctors gave Hux and his mother a time frame. She was halfway through their expected time. Hux felt his heart speed up again as he thought about it, anxiety taking over him. Some days he saw that the doctors were probably right, and he hated it. And other days, he was defiantly sure that they were wrong. In any case, his glancing at the clock happened more often on the days Ben wasn't in the waiting room with him.

“Mr. Hux?” a hesitant voice called from the door. Hux looked up sharply, jolted out of his train of thought. A nurse. The older lady that was his mother's favorite. She was quite nice. Her expression was one of worry and it filled Hux with dread.

“What is it? What happened? Is she-”

“It's not your mom, honey,” the kindly nurse said. “We aren't really supposed to do this but...he's asking for you, and I know you're his friend...” Ben. Hux followed her into the hallway before she could finish her sentence.

She led him to one of the little rooms to find Ben looking pale and tired tucked in the pastel hospital blankets.

“Hux,” he croaked in greeting. Hux sank into the seat by the bed, not able to form words. He knew what was happening; he had hoped this day would never come. “Thanks for coming.”

“I'll let your mother know where you are,” the nurse said softly, shutting the door behind her to give them some space.

“Ben, I...” he blinked back tears, not letting them fall.

“Please don't cry for me, Hux. Too many people have been crying here lately. Mr. Johnson's whole family was distraught yesterday. I feel so bad for those poor doctors and nurses having to deal with all of this.” Ben's selflessness made Hux's heart ache.

He sat with Ben for hours, talking and listening. Reminiscing. Laughing at his terrible jokes in the late hours of the night. Holding his hand in solidarity. His first real friend.

\- - -

Ben passed early that next morning. Hux was there when it happened, eyes bloodshot with emotion and lack of sleep, hair disheveled and hands tired from picking at the leather bracelet out of anxiety. Ben's last moments were peaceful ones, Hux was glad of that, but he felt so raw and empty. He managed not to cry, solely to follow Ben's wishes.

Hux's mother brought him home, giving him soft touches of comfort as they walked in silence. She kept him home from school and brought him tea as he sat on the couch, unmoving and eyes staring ahead, unfocused. She knew that he wouldn't take it well when it was her time. She only hoped that she could live longer for his sake.

\- - -

Hux was fifteen when he met the second Ben, under inconvenient circumstances at best. He often wondered about the second Ben. While he was young, Hux got his hopes up too many times only to have them fall apart, and so his heart was wounded.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst fest! Sometimes things have to be broken to be put back together.   
> Phasma shows up in chapter 3, and Kylo Ren soon too.  
> Thanks to everyone that has left comments and kudos so far, they all make me so happy and keep me wanting to write <3  
> My tumblr is katherine1753 if you want to come say hi/yell at me


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux goes to college

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 3 warnings:  
> \- minor character death (briefly mentioned)  
> \- self harm (not exactly with that intent, but still)  
> \- angst  
> \- implied sex

**3**

Hux was nervous about going to college on his own, especially being only sixteen. He wasn't sure who his roommate would be, he didn't know anyone that would be in his classes let alone his entire school. He felt alone before he even arrived.

His mother was still alive and seemed to be doing better, despite what the doctors had predicted, and Hux told himself that was the only reason he begrudgingly agreed to stay in the dorms: only because his mother had insisted. That, and the fact that his school was an hour's drive away and he was still getting used to driving around parking lots. Or just driving in general.

He had survived orientation a few weeks prior, spent time carefully arranging his class schedule to optimize walking time between subjects and study breaks, and memorized the campus map and the bus schedule so that he (hopefully) wouldn't get completely lost. He already felt out of place as it was, he certainly didn't want to add to it.

His mother drove him and his small collection of suitcases (mostly filled with books) to the cracked parking lot of his new home for the next 1-4 years. He walked into the little sitting room on the bottom floor where a medium sized group of lost-looking freshmen were milling about.

“Alright, troopers!” a tall, blonde girl announced as she strode confidently into the room, instantly quieting the crowd with her tone of authority. Hux liked that. “My name is Phasma. I am your RA. I don't have all that many rules, so if you follow the few that I do have we should all get along just fine. We'll go over those at the mandatory hall meeting tonight. There is a list of room assignments posted at each end of the hall and on the doors to the kitchen and bathrooms. I will be here if you have any questions!” she dismissed them with a sharp nod of her head and most of the students began to crowd around the papers filled with neat rows of numbers taped to the wall.

Hux's mother, however, had other ideas and took his arm as she pulled him towards the blonde. She was already looking at them with slight amusement. Hux allowed a small frown to cross his face.

“Miss Phasma?”

“Just Phasma, ma'am. Hold on a second.” She leaned into the hallway lined with doors. “Hey! Hey 2187! Don't think I didn't see that keg!” She shook her head with a roll of her eyes and her smile lessened the severity of her tone. “What can I do for you?”

“This is Brendol Hux, he's new, and-”

“We're all new, mom,” Hux muttered, trying to calm her nerves and let her know that he could handle himself.

“He's only sixteen,” his mom continued like she didn't hear him.

“ _Mom.”_

Phasma grinned. “Gotcha. I'll keep a close eye on Brendol here. You just happen to have the room next to mine, kid. Come on, I'll show you around.” She motioned for him to follow her down the hallway.

Hux said his goodbyes and promised to come home to visit that weekend if he was able to find the bus stop (which he had already memorized) and if he had enough money left over from textbooks and grocery shopping (which he had already expertly budgeted out). He followed the tall girl into the long hallway, heart in his throat. He wouldn't let himself cry, not in front of all these new people. He could do this, he could do this. He kept repeating his mantra to himself until Phasma spoke again.

“Parents, am I right?”

Hux just kind of nodded.

“Chill, dude. I swear I'm really not that strict. Only when I need to be. Then I've been told I can be downright scary. You don't seem like the type that'll ever have to face that,” she winked at him. “Your mom seems nice. I can look out for you if you want, but you seem like you can handle yourself.” She was trying to be encouraging. Hux thought that was interesting, seeing as how she didn't even know him yet.

“You're the lucky one that didn't get stuck with a random roommate, by the way. We got an odd number of freshman for this hall, and you were the one that ended up with your own room. So feel free to spread out and use the other bed as a couch or whatever.” Phasma handed him his new room key and let him unlock the door, following him into the room.

Hux looked around the small room. It was blank, a bit dingy, with old looking windows and sparse furniture. But it was his. He smiled softly.

“So...Brendol, huh?”

“Hux,” he answered quickly. “Just Hux.”

“I feel ya. It's just Phasma for me too. If I told anyone my real name I'd have to kill them.” she said seriously.

Hux had a feeling he would grow to either love or hate Phasma. He hoped it was the former, he could do with a friend in this whole college thing.

\- - -

The nice thing about college was that you could basically start over. None of these people knew Hux, none of them knew about his background or how he was treated by other kids as he grew up or what the name was on his wrist. People had finally grown up, not focusing their time on tearing each other apart for a few superficial moments of feeling better about themselves. Everyone seemed to be on a relatively even playing field.

Hux managed to make it through his first day without getting lost, which turned into his first week, which turned into his first month. College was going well for him. He was able to maintain his good grades, finish all his classwork and homework, and even found some free-time for himself to either sit in the little room on the first floor to read (when his hallmates weren't playing video games too loudly. He was encouraged by his mother to at least sit in the same room as social gatherings) or to explore the University's library. He went home to visit his mother almost every weekend. But the first weekend he chose to stay at school was an odd one.

Most of the campus was deserted because the football team was having one of their biggest rivalry games a few towns away so the majority of the students had gone. Hux stayed behind because he really had no interest in the sport, and he had a huge test in his biology class that Monday. He had seen Phasma in that class as well. Even though there were close to two-hundred people in the lecture, she stood out. They usually gave each other a small wave or nod of acknowledgment when they saw each other in class. He wondered briefly if she had stayed for the weekend and if she perhaps would want to study together.

Hux never really studied in groups before; he was used to being forced to do all the work himself. But Phasma seemed competent enough and he really wanted to run some of his notes by someone to make sure he was understanding them properly. Why he had to take biology as an architecture major, he'd never understand. But the core classes were required.

His question about Phasma answered itself when he heard a thump and muffled cursing coming from the room next door.

Cautiously, he crossed his room to his door and pulled it open, stepping into the hallway, when he heard a sad but frustrated sound come from Phasma's room. He knocked hesitantly on her door and it tipped open on it's own.

“Oh. Hey, Hux. What's up?” She looked up in greeting quickly as she continued to shuffle through a stack of papers on her desk.

“Um. Are you ok?”

“Yeah, sorry to bother you.”

“Ok.” Hux remained frozen in the doorway.

After a moment, Phasma sighed. “Remember that day in class I had to miss two weeks ago when we went over the punnet squares? Professor Akbar went over the examples he said he was going to use on the test, and I got 2199 to get the notes for me, but somehow I've managed to lose that one piece of paper and he's gone for the weekend like just about everyone else and it's just really stressing me out right now,” she flopped back into her uncomfortable looking desk chair. “Sorry.”

Hux found it interesting that Phasma referred to most of the hall by their room numbers. Even her ex-hallmates from the year prior were still numbers most of the time. She had a strong protectiveness over all of them though, like a little community she watched over. Somehow, Hux was Hux, not a number to her.

“I have my notes from that day if you want to copy them,” he offered. “We could...go over them or something. Maybe quiz each other on the practice questions?”

She just looked at him for a moment. “Yeah?”

Hux nodded.

“Alright yeah that would be great, Hux, thank you.”

He went back into his room to grab his meticulously organized notebook and drag his chair into Phasma's room.

\- - -

Their study session turned into just hanging out about two hours in, and after that Hux and Phasma became nearly inseparable. Hux had never known before what it was like to have a best friend. They studied together, had their meals together, had movie marathons til three in the morning on the weekends Hux stayed at school, and even made sure to always register for at least one class together per semester. Two years later found them living in the same two dorm rooms, Phasma still the RA of the hall and Hux her unofficial assistant.

His happiness was not to last, however. His mother had lived two years longer than the doctors expected, but halfway to class on a Tuesday, Hux received a phone call from his mother's favorite nurse. She had taken a bad turn for the worse and the nurse thought Hux should come home right away.

Phasma must have seen Hux's complexion pale or heard the startled, scared tone of his voice when it changed from a pleasant “Hello?” to “What do you mean?” because by the time he hung up the phone, she had pulled his homework out of his bag and shoved her car keys into his hand.

“Go. I'll get your assignments covered.”

“Thanks, Phasma,” he managed to choke out before practically running back to the old parking lot outside their dorm.

Hux made it to the hospital in time to say his panicked goodbyes, heart beating too fast and breath not staying in his lungs. He tried not to cry, tried not to let his mother see how sad he was, wanting to make her last moments as happy as possible. He constantly blinked back the tears pricking at his eyelids. She held his hand and repeated how proud she was of him, how much she loved him, how she knew he would do great things.

He lost his mother barely a week after turning eighteen. She passed on that Tuesday. Her funeral was that Friday. Hux couldn't remember the days in between. Couldn't remember the few people that actually knew his mother (mostly from the hospital) coming to say their goodbyes and condolences. Couldn't remember the speech he gave at her funeral, the amount of stranger's hands he shook, the amount of “thank you for coming's” he half-heartedly spoke. He defaulted to his blank, polite, quiet facade while inside he was dying, screaming, sobbing. He left it bottled up and trapped inside.

When his mother died, Hux almost didn't come back to school. It was a huge effort to even leave his childhood home, but he knew it would have made her upset if he quit. He couldn't bear to disappoint her memory, especially so soon. He came back distant, silent, cold.

He didn't go to his classes the first week that he was back. He barely left his room, only for the bathroom and the occasional meal when he would remember to eat. He didn't reply to anyone that talked to him, didn't make eye contact, didn't make a sound. Most of his hallmates thought he was extremely pissed off about something and gave him a wide berth. They knew what had happened, vaguely at least, but after the sympathy of room 2187 was ignored, the rest of the hall left him alone.

Phasma noticed something was wrong, other than him being rightfully upset. She tried to get him to come to the dining hall with her, but he snapped at her and she backed off pretty quickly. He couldn't remember what he said, but he knew it couldn't have been nice. He was scared that he ruined that friendship, the only one that he had.

Phasma gave him his space and he awkwardly avoided her the next day, not sure how to apologize when he still didn't feel like he was able to face anyone.

Hux skipped his class that he shared with Phasma (they always made sure to sign up for at least one of the same classes) and about half an hour after the class ended, he heard some papers rustling at his door. Phasma had shoved a handwritten copy of her notes from that day and the whole week prior under his door, along with a study guide for his upcoming test in a class all the way across campus from where Phasma normally was, and three days of homework from his Literature class.

It touched Hux's heart how nice she was being to him, even though he had been rude. She had obviously gone through a lot of effort to get the papers and to even put them all together in the way that he liked to organize his things. He managed to shuffle out of his room and tap lightly on her door.

She opened it almost instantly with a soft smile for him. “Hey, Hux. I've missed your face.”

His lip twitched up slightly for a brief moment and his eyes almost met hers. It was an improvement over the past few days.

“Let's go get some food in you, kid. I don't think you've been eating even half the meals you should be.” She nudged him slightly and led the way to the dining hall, making sure that he followed her into the building. He barely registered Phasma piling up his tray with various foods that he usually ate but by the time he sat at the table she had picked out, he realized that he was actually hungry. Seeing Phasma had been an improvement but when he was alone (he didn't want to bother her and refused to sleep on her other bed), his mind sunk back into the dark place it had been dwelling in since the news of his mother's death.

\- - -

The third Ben that Hux meets is actually a Bennie. He supposed that counted. She was slender, tall, sleek, mysterious. She broke his heart before he could ever see the name she kept hidden under the woven leather on her wrist.

\- - -

Hux met Bennie in a bar near campus about a week after his mother's funeral. He had lost track of time, not knowing days from nights as he rarely left his dorm room save for the few times Phasma had successfully pulled him out to eat something. He finally dragged himself out, wanting to find some way to numb himself besides just staring at his four walls. It was near midnight, he realized, as he stepped outside and wandered toward the downtown area adjacent to campus. A bar would be a distraction. Dim lighting, loud sounds, plenty of alcohol. He wandered in before he quite realized where his feet were taking him; they didn't even card him at the door, he guessed that was because of his height and complete lack of hesitation at the entrance.

Four shots in, a pretty girl sat next to him.

“Hey there.” Her voice was nice, with a little bit of an accent. Hux couldn't fathom why she'd want to pay him any attention when he was so obviously there at the bar to drown himself in his own misery.

Hux managed a “hi,” in response, voice cracking from lack of use. “Hi,” he tried again. She smiled at him. There was something about her smile that Hux couldn't place.

“Are you here alone?”

Hux just shrugged, nursing his scotch. He had switched drinks now that the shots had given him somewhat of the desired effect. She didn't seem deterred by Hux's complete lack of interaction, and he was a bit impressed. He knew he was probably the worst company at that moment.

“My name's Bennie, what's yours?” she asked and stuck out her hand. That got Hux out of his daze. He turned to look at her, eyes wide and sad but drawn in like a moth to a flame.

“Hux.”

Her smile brightened. “It's really nice to meet you, Hux,” she shook his hand.

He bought her a drink.

He actually ended up paying for quite a few drinks for her and two of her friends that came by for a few moments. He gave her whatever she wanted. Hux listened to her talk about this and that for most of their conversation, nodding along and giving small bits of input, all the while staring at her like she was the only person in the room. She could be his Ben, right at the moment he needed someone most. Could fate really be so kind?

A few more drinks in, Hux told her about his mother. Told her that he was actually eighteen. Told her that he hadn't expected to meet anyone that night but he was glad that he did. He figured honesty was best, even if it was his semi-inebriated brain telling him so.

He didn't remember much more of his time at the bar as she kept ordering drinks for him, but he knew he showed her the name on his wrist at one point. He never did that. She just 'aww-ed' at him and told him it was cute. She didn't take off her own bracelet, but Hux barely noticed.

Bennie kissed him outside of the bar. It was Hux's first kiss. He was pretty sure he even drunkenly told her so at least once as she followed him back to his dorm. She told him she thought it was sweet. Bennie ended up being Hux's first everything.

\- - -

When Hux woke up, he was alone. There was no trace of Bennie in his room at all, except for the twenty dollars missing from his desk. Hux felt tears sting his eyes and furiously scrubbed them away before they had the chance to fall. He had royally fucked up this time.

He felt all the emotions of everything he had been trying to block out for days suddenly hit him all at once. He stared at the name on his wrist with growing anger and fear. He wanted so desperately to give up on fate. He felt too young, too upset, too overwhelmed. He felt too  _everything._ He wondered if he could forget about Ben's in general if he cut off the name. It was a low moment, and he tried to. He knew it was stupid, he knew it never worked for anyone that tried. Somehow it always showed up. Even if you tattooed over it, slashed it, removed it surgically, stained it, nothing. But Hux tried.

\- - -

Hux wandered, in a daze, to the stairwell in the back of the building. He went down half a flight and sat under the landing, tucking himself into a corner. He didn't want to stay in his room but he didn't want to go outside or be around anyone so the dim alcove under the stairs seemed like the best option to his sleep-deprived, slightly hungover, and depressed brain.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, listening vaguely to the students' chatter in the hall and the music coming from the room across from his own. He just tried to sort through his confused thoughts, injured wrist sitting limply in his other hand

“Hey, Hux, I-” He heard Phasma in the hall, her friendly knock on his door that he couldn't remember if he had actually closed behind him or not. His brain registered that she was looking for him but he couldn't bring himself to move. “Hux?”

“Have you seen Hux?” Phasma's voice had taken on a panicked tone Hux had never heard before.

“Not since this morning,” a voice replied. Hux thought it sounded like 2187. He realized he had never learned his name. Or anyone's really for that matter. “Why?”

“Call me as soon as you see him!” Phasma demanded and Hux heard her purposeful footsteps marching up the hall. “Hux?!” she called again.

The door to the stairwell flung open and banged against the wall. Hurried footsteps pounded down the stairs and rounded the corner. Hux couldn't move. The footsteps skidded to a stop and paced back. “Hux!” She must have seen his foot sticking out or his red hair through the slotted handrails. He wasn't trying to hide, he was just trying to _be._ Later he supposed he was lucky that Phasma was particularly observant.

She leaned down to peer under the half-high landing, seeing him there. He managed to pull his head up from his knees. “Phasma...”

“Oh god, Hux.” She knelt in front of him. “I found your door open, I was going to see if you wanted to- whatever. I saw blood and I just-” her eyes fell to his arms. “Oh god, Hux, what did you do,” she breathed. She scooted a bit closer, reaching out but not quite touching him, uncharacteristically gentle. It hurt. The gentleness of his friend and his wrist. He felt tears prick his eyes again but he couldn't bring himself to care.

Hux looked down and saw the red stains on his fingers and the few droplets gathering on the floor. “I'm sorry,” he said weakly and tried to wipe them with his sleeve. “I didn't...I wasn't trying to-” he said haltingly, voice creaking and breaking. It seemed Hux's eloquence left around Phasma as well.

She crawled further under the landing and pulled him into a hug. After a moment he reciprocated, and he finally, _finally_ let the tears fall for the first time since he was a small child. He cried for his mother, for the second Ben, the _first_ Ben, for his fears and his worries and everything he hadn't let himself show feelings for. He cried, and Phasma let him, holding him and rubbing his shoulder. The physicality was new to Hux but he clung to Phasma until no more tears could fall and he tried to get his breathing under control.

“I just wanted to cut it off,” he whispered when he had calmed down some.

“You know it doesn't work like that,” Phasma replied softly. Hux appreciated her blatant honesty. He never liked being coddled.

“I know!” he found himself snapping before he could even think about a response. “I'm sorry, Phasma... I know it doesn't. I just...I can't stand it anymore.”

“I would give you the whole 'you're only eighteen, you have time, blah blah blah, the whole world awaits you' crap but you and I both know better. I know you've seen some shit, Hux. Been through some stuff that would've driven people way off the deep end.”

Hux sniffled.

“And maybe we won't ever find that one happiness that everyone is looking for, but not everyone does. Not everyone is lucky. And that's alright. There are other things that we can be happy about. You and I have a year and a half left of school, then we can go find some little shoebox of an apartment to share, maybe even get a cat, keep doing our movie weekends...we'll be alright, Hux.”

Hux managed a small smile at her. “Yeah?”

“Yeah of course!”

“Maybe not a shoebox apartment, since we're both so tall.” Hux retorted, feeling a bit like himself again.

“There's my Hux,” Phasma smiled and patted his shoulder. “Alright, come on. I've got a first aid kit in my room. Then let's go get some lunch and we can finish up our homework before we catch up on all the shows we missed this week. You're sleeping over in my room, ok?”

She crawled out from under the landing and held a hand out to him, which he took.

\- - -

Hux was going to have a scar under the B and half of the E of Ben, like an underline. He hated it.

“She was a Ben, right?” Phasma said quietly, tone dropping from their happier conversation about their third movie of the night. “Somehow?”

“Bennie,” Hux replied. “I was such an idiot, Phasma. She just wanted free alcohol for her and her friends and a one-night stand. I made a complete fool of myself.”

Phasma smiled sadly at him, then took his uninjured arm and leaned on his shoulder. “Believe it or not, Hux, you're a catch.”

He scoffed at her lightly.

“No it's true. You really are. If I didn't have an extremely feminine name as my Match, I'd have to question what your name really was. We'll just be platonic soulmates then, Hux. Screw the Matches.”

Hux couldn't hold back the small smile. “Deal.”

Phasma tapped her bag of chips against Hux's bowl of popcorn in a toast. “Deal.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh I love Phasma  
> This was the last chapter of straight-up angst (for now..?) so don't worry! Things get better for poor Hux. Kylo Ren comes to rescue soon ;)  
> Thank you so much for all of the comments, kudos, and bookmarks so far. I appreciate every single one of you wonderful readers!
> 
> My tumblr is katherine1753 if anyone wants to talk :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phasma tries to introduce Hux to some people, Hux finds a fourth Ben, and encounters a strange angry man at the cemetery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 4 :) Thank you so much for all the love and support so far!

When they graduated from college, Hux and Phasma shared an apartment together in the town where Hux grew up. It was small and cramped, with neither of them able to afford much as they looked for jobs, but it was home.

The years went by mostly kindly for the pair, each getting their own much nicer apartment when they were able to afford it about five years later. Hux was glad to be living in the same complex as Phasma, only a hallway apart. They were over at each other's place a few times a week and it felt like college all over again. Time passed in the blink of an eye and Hux found himself happy enough to be alone at twenty-eight. Content, at least.

Phasma was always more social than Hux, actually going out on weekends and making friends. Hux preferred to stay at home with his books and documentaries. Not too much later, though, Hux found himself being (reluctantly) dragged along to one of Phasma's things, half as a wing-man and half because she was keeping an eye out for Bens for him. Though they had agreed in college to be platonic soulmates, Phasma still wanted each of them to at least have the opportunity to meet their Match. She promised that anyone that had any interest in Hux would have to get through her first. While Hux pretended he didn't need her protection, he was very glad for it and he could tell that she knew.

'One of Phasma's Things' that she went to were these sort of singles events where people tried to find their Match and made friends along the way. Hux supposed he could do with some friends. He was still incredibly reluctant, given his history with Bens, but he went along if only to appease Phasma.

The restaurant Phasma had practically dragged him to was softly lit and relatively pleasant looking, much better than he'd been anticipating in his dread at coming out at all. People that seemed to be mostly around his age were milling about in business-casual dress, sipping at their drinks and chatting over small tables. Hux felt a little better when he saw that some people looked as visibly nervous as he felt. He took a calming breath and followed Phasma over to the long table of appetizers.

“Alright, Hux, go and introduce yourself to one of those groups with an empty chair and _don't_ protest that you're interrupting, that's what you're supposed to do. I'll be over there talking to some of those girls. Let's check in with each other every hour or so. Good luck, Hux!” She patted him on the back with an encouraging nudge and headed across the room with a winning smile.

Hux nervously looked around, not at all pleased with what he was expected to do. He never liked introducing himself after the fiasco he had at five years old. One more steadying breath, a sip of his drink, and his feet carried him to a table with a handsome man, a person who had dyed their hair three different shades of blue, and two happy looking women.

\- - -

He managed to get through the introductions and small talk with a fake air of confidence that was slowly turning real. Hux almost couldn't believe his luck; the handsome man just so happened to be named Ben. As the conversation went on, their other table companions drifted away to other groups and the two began to talk one-on-one. Hux caught sight of Phasma waggling her eyebrows at him when they made their brief eye contact to check on each other.

The fourth Ben was perfect. Tall. Dark. Handsome. Everything that Hux thought would be his type if he actually had any say in the matter. He was incredibly nice, he was charming and witty, he laughed at Hux's jokes at all the right moments. He was well dressed and seemed well educated. Hux found himself incredibly drawn in, and only a small part of him was concerned at how fast.

His eyes had barely left the other's green ones during the whole conversation. He felt the man's hand come to rest atop his on the table. He felt a blush rising to his cheeks and Ben smiled knowingly at him. Maybe these events weren't so bad after all.

It was then that Hux saw Phasma's panicked, then angry look from off to the side. His eyes drifted back to the other man's as their conversation continued, Ben trying to convince Hux to come out for drinks with him instead of staying at the restaurant. Hux was considering it but he knew Phasma was coming over to tell him something.

“Hi there,” Phasma greeted Ben cheerfully, slipping an arm around Hux's shoulders. Hux tensed. He knew that cheerful tone was Phasma's fake-nice voice. Something was up. “Hey, Hux, we really need to get going.”

“But Ben and I were just-” he emphasized his name, hoping Phasma would catch his meaning.

“He's _married,_ ” Phasma hissed in his ear then raiser her eyebrows at him pointedly all the while her fake smile. She had come over on a rescue mission. She turned her icy grin towards Ben.

Hux's eyes widened in shock and darted down to their touching hands on the table for the first time just as Ben pulled his hand back. He saw the ring glint in the low light.

“I- I have to go,” Hux choked out, feeling like he had been punched in the lung.

“Aw, come on, just have a drink with me,” Ben tried, reaching for Hux again.

“He said he's leaving,” Phasma said authoritatively.

“Come on, Hux, we were having a good time,” Ben leered at him.

Hux stood up from the table too quickly, knocking their drinks over, his water that he had switched to drinking spilling onto Ben's pants.

“What the _fuck?!”_ Ben jumped back from the water too late. “You know what? I thought I'd be nice and give you a good night because I thought you were pretty, but you're not. You're just a desperate, lonely man,” he snapped at Hux.

Hux couldn't move. He felt his heart going too fast and his lips twitching. But Phasma's arm remained heavy and comforting across his shoulders. Phasma kept him grounded.

“And you're a sad and pathetic excuse of a cheating husband.” Phasma snarled at him before leading Hux away.

\- - -

Hux and Phasma took the long way back to their building, Hux needing the time to walk around. The only reason he was walking the right way at all was because of Phasma's arm linked through his, leading the way home.

“I'm sorry about that, Hux.” Phasma said after a while.

“My luck is shit, Phasma,” Hux replied with a self-resigned sigh. “It's not you.”

She patted his arm gently. “I know, Hux. Come over for breakfast in the morning. 9:30?”

Hux nodded and Phasma bid him goodnight at the bend of the hallway, each going to their apartment. One of the things Hux loved about Phasma was that she knew when he needed his space, but also just when to bring him back.

 _You're just a desperate, lonely man._ The words echoed in Hux's mind. He hadn't thought so. He realized that he had given into the basics of Ben's advances pretty quickly but that didn't make him desperate. The whole event was for people to try to make friends and help people look for Matches. Maybe they were all a bit lonely, but it wasn't fair of Ben to prey on anyone there like that. Hux huffed indignantly to himself, becoming more agitated than sad about the whole situation.

He undressed methodically, shoving his clothes into his laundry basket with a little more force than necessary, and turned on his shower, waiting until steam began to drift over his shower curtain. He stepped in, adjusting the temperature higher to almost-scalding. He hoped it would work out some of the knots and tension in his back and shoulders.

He wasn't lonely, goddammit! He let out a small frustrated growl as he set down his soap with too much emotion and it fell off its little ledge. And who even gave Ben the right to call him those things? He had friends!

Well...they consisted of Phasma and some people from work. Acquaintances really. To whom he was their boss. Damn.

Fine. Maybe he was a little lonely. He yanked the knob down to turn off the water and roughly grabbed his towel. But maybe being lonely was worth it. He was content enough. Successful. Hux had become chief architect for his firm at the young age of twenty-seven. The youngest they had ever had. He was great but unrelenting, ruthless when needed. Extremely focused and driven. Nothing would stand in his way. All necessary to get his position. It had earned him the nickname of General by some of the other First Order Enterprises employees. He took it as a sign of respect and found it endearing.

So wasn't it all worth it? Hux sighed as he pulled on his soft pajama pants, anger dissipating as he visibly deflated and sank onto the edge of his bed. He felt like something was missing.

He rubbed at his face tiredly and sighed. So maybe he wasn't all that happy. But it was better than getting hurt again. He flopped backwards onto his bed. Hux had never met anyone with anything even close to 'Hux' or 'Brendol' on their wrist. He was beginning to think he never would. His mother had always carried a bit of resigned sadness with her, no matter how she tried to hide it from Hux, and he could see that now in himself too. Maybe he was always meant to be a Half-Match. Maybe he'd already had his Ben.

He checked his alarm clock his customary three times and sighed when he felt he had to check it a fourth. He got into bed properly, pulled the covers up to his chin, and held a pillow to his chest tightly like one would a lover. After a moment, it made him feel more upset than comforted so he pushed it aside.

The fourth Ben had been the final straw. He was giving up on Matches. Completely. He thought he had given up before but when he had opened himself up for that one last chance it all went to hell, so he was done. Finished. Through. He felt almost liberated. And yet...

And yet there was still the smallest feeling he couldn't shake that he was wrong.

Hux fell into a fitful, dreamless sleep.

\- - -

Hux is thirty when something different happens in his life.

In the year and a half since giving up, Phasma had admitted defeat and stopped making Hux go with her to different events, only after he had assured her many times that he was alright.

Hux went to work, devoted even more time to his many projects, and spent his remaining free time alone with Phasma. If she noticed that he checked his clocks, doors, and shoelaces more often than he had before or that he fidgeted with his bracelet every time his emotions went in a way that he didn't like, she didn't mention it.

\- - -

Two weeks after his thirtieth birthday (a quiet night spent with Phasma and a small cake), Hux was a bit late in taking his weekly walk to visit his mother's grave. His meeting had run over and the flower shop had been unusually crowded. When Hux normally went, the cemetery was usually deserted. That was how Hux liked it. He may or may not have planned it that way. But as he rounded the street corner, he noticed another man entering the gate. He slowed his pace a bit, not wanting to follow directly behind the stranger.

Hux made his way to his mother's marker, apologizing quietly for his tardiness as he swapped out the drooping flowers for fresh ones. He told her about his week, which was almost the same story every time he came to visit.

After a while, he looked up and saw that the other man was still there, sitting and mumbling darkly at a tombstone. Well, at least Hux assumed it to be darkly. It could have just been the stranger's all-black attire. Though he was halfway across the cemetery, Hux found it terribly distracting.

The man stood up, talking more animatedly at it. Hux thought he might have been telling an exciting story with all the arm motions that were happening since he couldn't actually pick up any words or quite read the expression on the man's face. Until the man suddenly kicked the headstone, grabbed his foot in pain, and sank back to the ground sobbing for obviously more than his injured toes.

Hux's eyes widened minutely. What a nutcase. He stood up, dusting off his knees, and took his leave, walking the long way around so as not to pass the man.

\- - -

Hux is thirty when his life changes. Hux is thirty when he meets a man named Kylo Ren.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Against his better judgement, Hux begins to observe the strange man at the cemetery.

One week later, Hux went back. He didn't want to go back, not really. At least that's what he told himself as he entered the graveyard precisely two minutes prior to the same time he had the previous week when he first saw the strange man. Hux thought it would be best not to involve himself with crazy people, but something about the man made him curious. Something about the man made him enter the graveyard late, throwing off his entire routine _on purpose._ Hux scoffed at himself. He really was being ridiculous.

He hadn't even been able to get a good look at him. He might not even be coming, it could have been a one time thing. Or the man could have had a schedule mishap the week before just like Hux did, causing the whole thing to be a coincidence. He'd probably never see the weird stranger again, which was also probably a good thing. Hux was about to leave, frustrated with himself for even thinking about what he was doing, but then there he was. The stranger. Stalking through the graveyard like a man possessed.

Hux kept his eyes down as the man went to the same spot as before, striking up another conversation with the headstone. Hux watched him for a little while, looking away quickly every time the man would look up from the object of his apparent rage. Hux still couldn't pick out words, but he could tell that the stranger was angrily crying.

With a slight roll of his eyes for people being so outwardly dramatic, Hux stood up and made his way out of the cemetery, taking the long way once more so as not to walk directly by him. He may have wanted to observe him, but he certainly didn't want to speak with the man. Not in that state at least. But he did feel a pair of eyes following him out of the cemetery.

\- - -

The next week, Hux came a few minutes earlier, walking past the grave that the man had kicked once and twice cried at. He wanted to get there before the other man since he wanted to figure out who the person he was grieving was. If grieving was even the right word for what the man was doing. He wasn't sure how long the stranger would stay in the graveyard, having left before him both times, so he made sure to arrive ten minutes earlier than normal; a perfect amount of time to read the gravestone and make his way over to his mother's unnoticed.

'Han Solo, beloved husband and father.' The word 'father' looked like it had some old sharpie graffiti scratched over it along with quite a few chips. That must be the target of the kicking. Hux wondered briefly if Han Solo was the man's Match; maybe they had lost a child. Then he looked at the date of death, which was almost seven years ago. The man looked too young, maybe twenty-five, twenty-six if Hux were to warrant a guess. Though he hadn't seen him up close, he was pretty good at figuring people out. He thought briefly of his own father and then drew the conclusion that the stranger was Han Solo's son. Hux supposed if he were an outwardly emotional person, he might understand the urge to kick something reminding him of someone like his father.

Again, once he arrived, the man seemed angry. Hux wondered why he came back so often if he hated Han Solo so much.

This time the man left almost as soon as he arrived, not before yelling something at the grave again though. Hux stared as the man looked like he almost glided out of the cemetery, hunched over and muttering to himself. He wondered once more if this whole thing was a bad idea.

\- - -

Four weeks into his observance missions, Hux decided that he would walk the other way out of the cemetery, hoping to get a better idea of the stranger from a closer perspective. He busied himself with switching out the flowers on his mother's marker, but kept glancing up at the other man. When Hux decided to leave, mid-rant for the stranger, he took his time walking along the path, appearing to be looking at the trees, but really trying to observe the other man at a closer distance. Hux really was a creep, or at least he assumed Phasma would affectionately call him one. If he ever told her what he was doing, that is. He would have to speak with her about it at some point, maybe see if she thought he was being crazy.

The path approached the man from the side, and Hux slowed his pace even more, taking in the sight. He noticed that he had been just about right about the man's age with his previous guesses. His hair was thick and fluffy, and not black like Hux had thought but a very dark brown. The man ran a hand through that hair in frustration at whatever he was talking to the grave about, pushing it back for a moment so that Hux was able to see his face for a moment before the hair flopped back down. A tiny part of Hux felt jealous of the stranger's hand, being able to touch that hair. He wasn't, however, jealous of the chipped black nail polish adorning the man's fingertips. Hux thought that was rather ridiculous. But that traitorous part of him found it almost endearing as well. What was going on with his brain?

The face of the man was even more intriguing. Hux first saw the man's large nose and ears but also noticed the plush lips and smooth skin covered with a scattering of moles and freckles. Hux found himself inappropriately wondering if there were more across the rest of his body. Like maybe under the collars of the coat the man wore every week that looked as if it was made of too many pockets. Hux felt himself blush slightly as he continued to stare, steps taking him closer and closer. Curse his ginger complexion, what if the man turned around?

Hux was almost directly behind the man when he realized he had stopped talking and was mostly just sniffling to himself. Then he heard a broken sounding “fuck you, dad.” His voice was much deeper than Hux was expecting. It made him falter in his footsteps, pausing awkwardly right behind him.

The man suddenly whirled around, like he was going to storm away. He looked incredibly startled to see Hux there, and froze. They both stared at each other for a moment.

“What.” the other man finally said flatly, tone very different from the emotional voice Hux heard earlier.

Hux didn't know what to say, so he quirked one eyebrow and walked away, feeling like the entire thing was a disaster.

\- - -

The more that Hux thought about the stranger, which was increasing by a frankly alarming amount each day, the more Hux began to begrudgingly admit that he felt sorry for the man. He always seemed upset, he always came alone, and he almost always cried. Hux could relate to one and a half, maybe two out of three. It was sad, and though Hux was concerned how strongly he was feeling about a complete stranger, he supposed it was the right emotion to have about something. Hux was a good listener, and maybe the man just needed someone to talk to, maybe then he could get back to visiting his mother in peace. Not everyone had their own Phasma after all. Or maybe the stranger would just tell him to fuck off and then he'd stop being interested.

Hux sighed. He didn't understand what was happening. But he had made up his mind that he was going to attempt to talk to the stranger. Another thing that had him intrigued was that the whole time he was focusing on the other man, he hadn't once thought about Bens or fidgeted with his bracelet. He wondered if that was a good thing.

\- - -

Hux hesitated on the path, staring at the stranger again. What would he even say? Could he admit to seeing him upset weekly without sounding like he was stalking him? He almost turned around and left, trying to forget the whole thing, but managed to take another step forward.

“Um. Excuse me,” his voice was much quieter than intended, but it did its purpose. The man turned around to face him.

He looked angry. “What is your problem?” he snapped.

Hux blinked at him. This was already going in a way he hadn't accounted for. “I- I just-”

“Did you know him?” the man interrupted. He looked almost afraid Hux would answer in the affirmative. Confused, Hux's mouth opened and closed as he tried to come up with words. “You don't look like you knew him,” the man continued. He sounded resigned. Hux thought maybe he could try his luck again.

“I'm sorry, Mr...Solo? I-”

“Don't call me that!” And suddenly the anger was back. The man clenched his fist around something imaginary in the air and then loosened his hands after a moment of shaky hesitation. “That's not my name,” he said, sounding more like he was reassuring himself. “That's not my name. Yes, he's my father, but that's not my name.” Hux found that he understood. He wished he could say the same.

“I...um...just wanted to see if you were ok,” Hux said and the man looked back at him, looking almost surprised to see him there. “You seem...upset?” Hux hated that he ended his sentence in a question mark but he really didn't know what emotions the man was currently displaying.

The man turned back towards the headstone and let out a harsh laugh. “Upset. Yeah. You would be too if you had a dad like mine.”

Hux just made a face in response. Involuntarily. The man seemed to sense this and faced him again.

“Oh. Maybe you do.”

And they were just staring at each other. Hux's brain yelled at him to say something, anything, don't just stand there, “I honestly don't know,” he replied, a bit of sharpness in his tone fully directed at his father, wherever he was. He couldn't believe that he was actually talking to the stranger about his family, or talking to him in general.

“You've...I've seen you come by his grave almost every week,” the man muttered.

“Well, I have been coming here every week for the past five years, and every month for a few years prior, for your information,” Hux snapped back, miffed.

“Hey, chill, man, I was just-” The stranger's eyes widened minutely.

It seemed the tables had turned and Hux was the one that was angry. He hated showing his emotions like that but the man had hit some part of him that had gone untapped for quite a while. He wanted to tell him to go fuck himself. He wanted to tell him that there was no way in hell anyone could just tell him to 'chill'. What he said was “Really.”

The man shrugged, scuffing his toe into the dirt.

“I'm not here to see you or Han Solo, whoever he was. I come here to visit my mother, if you must know,” Hux bit out, tone dripping with ice.

The man instantly looked regretful. “Oh. I'm sorry.” At least he had the decency to look ashamed.

Hux felt his anger deflating rapidly. “I'm sorry too.” Things had really gotten off to the wrong start. 

The stranger's lips quirked up on one side into an almost-smile. Then something beeped, breaking the spell, and the man looked at a clunky watch strapped over his black bracelet. “Oh. Um. Hey look, man, I have to go. Um. See you next week I guess? Maybe we can try this again.”

“Sure,” Hux found himself saying and suddenly the stranger was gone, walking quickly out the way he came.

Hux stood there with a puzzled frown for a few moments before turning to walk home. What the hell had just happened?

\- - -

Hux is thirty years old when the enigma of a man that is Kylo Ren becomes a part of his life. And he has no earthly idea what to do about it. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Chapter 6 will include a coffee date and Hux finding out more information about the strange man ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux meets up with the stranger again, who convinces him to come along for coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special shout out to knight-of-kylux, one of my authors from the Kylux Big Bang, who read my fic even before we met on tumblr :)

It had been a week, Hux realized, as he examined his somewhat-excited pace toward the cemetery. He couldn't believe he was actually looking forward to talking with the stranger. He was nervous too; he wasn't all that used to meeting new people outside of work or without Phasma there to introduce him. The more excited and nervous he felt, the more frustrated he felt at himself about the whole thing. He was being ridiculous, really, it was just a conversation with a person he had met before, trying to be pleasant instead of bickering. He could do this.

He spent his customary amount of time with his mother, talking about his week and new architectural projects. When he glanced up, he saw that the stranger had arrived at Han Solo's grave, and was staring at Hux. Well, he had been staring at Hux, but he looked away quickly as soon as Hux had made eye contact. Hux looked back down, resuming his conversation with his mother, and talked to her about how nervous he was feeling about the situation with the stranger. He looked back up, feeling eyes upon him again, and caught the stranger looking away just in time. He felt his cheeks heat up as he said his goodbyes, pressing a hand to the cool stone, and stood up from the grass.

Hux hesitated, not sure if he should head over to the stranger first, or if the man still even wanted to talk with him. But he took a steadying breath, deciding quickly that he should initiate things before it was too late, and began to walk the path towards Han Solo's headstone.

He needn't have worried, he found, because apparently the stranger had been having the same dilemma and began walking towards Hux at the same time.

“Hi,” Hux said, a little breathlessly, when they met halfway along the path.

“Hi,” the stranger responded, deep voice soothing Hux's nerves a little and managing to make his heart thud more rapidly in his chest at the same time.

“It's nice to, um, meet you?” Hux hated that his own voice came out as a question. The man's face split into a huge goofy grin despite that, though, and Hux was sure that his heartbeat was audible now.

“Nice to meet you too,” he stuck out his hand a little awkwardly for a handshake. In the brief moments of contact with the stranger's hand, Hux found himself drawn to a very few specific feelings. They were warm. Big. Slightly callused. Hux found himself loving the feeling of the stranger's hands on his. It confused him.

The man ran one of those hands through his thick dark hair, Hux watching everything those chipped-polished fingers did, transfixed. What was getting into him?

“So, um, you come here often?” the stranger smiled, then seemed to realize what he said, eyes growing wide. “Shit! Sorry! I didn't mean- I just – this is a _cemetery_ crap you must think I'm the worst, I swear I just-” he put up a hand to his face, stopping his jumbled speech and hiding his embarrassed expression. Hux watched as the parts of the stranger's large ears that he could see turned bright red.

And suddenly Hux burst out laughing. He couldn't stop himself. It wasn't even that funny, it was honestly a terrible pick up line especially in their situation, but Hux was laughing so hard he felt tears almost prickling at his eyes. He hadn't laughed so fully in so long. It felt good.

The stranger stared at him in disbelief for a moment before a grin cracked across his face and he joined in the infectious laughter.

“Sorry,” the stranger said as they calmed down, catching their breath.

“That was _terrible,”_ Hux said, still giggling. Giggling! He never did that! He felt giddy from the laughter.

“So, um, want to go get some coffee or something?” the stranger rubbed at the back of his neck, not quite making eye contact.

Suddenly all of the nervousness came back to Hux. He froze, panicking a little. Coffee. Was that like...a date? Could he do this? Could he really do any of this? His mouth opened and he snapped it shut again, feeling like a fish as he didn't know what to say.

“I – I can't,” he managed to choke out, hoping he didn't look to outwardly freaked out by the concept.

“Oh,” the stranger said. And he looked so sad. Hux instantly felt guilty, seeing the man deflate so rapidly after they had just been laughing and why did he always have to ruin everything?

Hux licked his lips nervously. “Maybe,” he started, “maybe next time?”

The stranger looked up at him, a little hopeful, but his small smile was a little self-deprecatingly rueful. “Ok. Sure. Next time.” Hux nodded once at him in affirmation, swallowing a lump in his throat. “I'll be here,” the stranger continued. “ _Damn_ it I did it again. I'm an idiot,” he mumbled to himself.

They said goodbye and Hux remained where he stood for a moment, feeling like he actually the one that was the idiot between the two of them as the man walked away.

He needed to talk to Phasma.

 

\- - -

 

Phasma was out when he arrived back at his apartment, a post-it note with just a smiley face on it and a bag of takeout hanging on his door handle. It brought a small smile back to his face. He dug his phone out of his pocket to text his thanks as he unlocked his door.

Hux to Phasma the Great 7:45PM _Thanks, P_

She had gotten ahold of his phone again somehow, he saw. She often put her name in as something along those lines. Phasma the Great, Hux's bestest friend ever, Phenomenal Phas, things like that.

Phasma to General Huxy 7:54PM _:)_

Phasma to General Huxy 7:55PM _U R Welcome_

Hux to Phasma the Great 8:00PM _Where are you?_

Hux finished his dinner, much better and more than he would have eaten if he was just left to his own devices for the night.

Phasma to General Huxy 8:10PM _Bar down the street. You'd absolutely hate it_

Hux had no doubt that he would, suddenly thankful for his quiet apartment.

Phasma to General Huxy 8:11PM _Is something wrong?_

Was something wrong? He just felt like an idiot, wallowing a bit in his slight failure earlier, but no, not really _wrong_. Nothing Phasma needed to worry about. He'd be fine in the morning, probably, when he stopped dwelling on it.

Phasma to General Huxy 8:20PM _Hux?_

Hux to Phasma the Great 8:21PM _Sorry Phas don't worry_

Hux to Phasma the Great 8:23PM _I might be the worst though._

Phasma to General Huxy 8:23PM _You're not, I can assure you._

Phasma to General Huxy 8:24PM _What did you do?_

Hux to Phasma the Great 8:25PM _I might have messed something up before it even started._

Phasma to General Huxy 8:26PM _Then start again, kid_

Phasma to General Huxy 8:27PM _ <3_

Phasma to General Huxy 8:29PM _Let me know if you need me to come back, ok?_

Hux to Phasma the Great 8:30PM _Thanks. I'm keeping you as Phasma the Great btw. You deserve it._

Phasma to General Huxy 8:32PM _I know :P_

 

\- - -

 

A week later, Hux was back at the cemetery. But this time, he was prepared. He would say yes to coffee, whether it was just a friendly gesture, or a potential date. He had already given up on Matches and he was feeling a little more confident about the whole thing. It could have been the way his thoughts often drifted to the stranger's face and hands, or it could have been his want to not disappoint the man again, but Hux had decided that they would get coffee that week even if he had to ask first (and he had practiced asking the question that morning in his mirror as he dressed for work).

They met in the middle of the path and Hux's heart was pounding again. He told himself it was determination. The stranger was in his usual odd coat that looked half made of pockets, both hands shoved into two of them near his waist. He wasn't quite looking at Hux, seeming more interested in his beat up shoes as he shuffled his feet.

“Hi,” Hux was pleased that he managed to get his voice out sounding normal this time.

The stranger looked up, half-smile forming. “Hi.”

Hux wondered how many pockets were in his coat. He wondered if his fingers still had chipped black nail polish on them. He wondered what else the stranger could say in his pleasantly deep voice.

The stranger cleared his throat and Hux realized he was staring. He moved his eyes away too quickly, cheeks heating up. This seemed to be becoming a common occurrence around the man.

“So. Um. Coffee this time or should I just not ask?” The stranger's head tilted a bit to the left and Hux felt his heart stutter. He really didn't know what was happening to him.

“Coffee would be great,” Hux replied, and smiled a little as his well-practiced response came out exactly as planned. And the stranger's hopeful look was such a reward.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Hux reaffirmed. The stranger grinned. Hux thought it was beautiful. As they walked to a coffee-shop that the stranger frequented, making small talk, Hux wondered if this was what it was like to make a friend.

“You know,” the stranger said as they got in line, “I watched you come to the graveyard for weeks. I thought you were stalking me.”

“You- you were watching _me?”_ Hux asked, shocked. Maybe they weren't so different at all.

“Yeah. Sorry,” he looked embarrassed. “I was curious about you, too. Not that I always thought you were a stalker.”

“Me too,” Hux admitted. “I...I wondered about you when you kicked the headstone.”

An odd laugh escaped the stranger's mouth. They settled back into silence as the line slowly moved forward. The stranger kept looking over at him every once in a while, like he thought Hux wouldn't notice, but it was making Hux wonder. Could this man be – no. He couldn't be. Hux wouldn't get his hopes up.

Then it was their turn to order. Hux barely caught the end of the man's complicated drink as he rattled it off quickly, barista looking unconcerned.

“That'll be $4.95 sir,” she said blandly.

“And whatever he's having,” the man nodded his head towards Hux as he began rummaging through his pockets.

“Oh, really, you don't have to do that,” Hux was flustered. Maybe this _was_ a date.

“I made you come with me, it's the least I could do,” the stranger gave him another lopsided grin and Hux felt like he couldn't resist. He politely ordered a small black coffee with nothing added, not wanting to be a burden. He watched in dismay as the man began pulling out single coins and fished through all of his too-many pockets to find enough change. Hux felt suddenly guilty and was about to take out his wallet, easily able to pay for both of them.

“I left my wallet at work,” the stranger said sheepishly. The barista just looked bored.

“Oh,” Hux said. He felt like he should say something else, offer to cover it this time, something, but his mouth was sluggish compared to his racing thoughts.

“Don't worry, I usually have about fifteen dollars or so of change somewhere in this jacket!” the stranger brightened a bit. “It's always good to be prepared,” he laughed nervously. Hux still felt embarrassed as the man counted out the right number of quarters. He was making a mental note to make sure to pay for the coffee next week when the barista asked for the name for their order and Hux caught the end of the stranger's response but had he heard – could he have said Ben?! Hux had heard the 'en' part, that much he was certain. His heart sped up and he gaped as he cursed himself for suddenly getting so excited, he had sworn off Matches, he could have misheard, he could have said Ken or something, or-

Hux's coffee was ready almost instantly. He sipped at it, trying to calm his fraying nerves as he watched the man cram all the dislodged things from his pockets back in. A stick of gum, some receipts, a hair tie (Hux found himself wanting to see the man's hair tied up), two guitar picks (did he play?), a pair of fingerless gloves, and some peppermints.

Since it had taken a while, the man's coffee was ready just as they were finishing up at the counter so they didn't have to call the name out, unfortunately for Hux. They headed over to one of the tables against the window, Hux's heart still racing.

“What's your name?” he blurted, taking in a shaking breath. “Sorry,” he had to know. He couldn't keep going on like that.

“Oh!” the stranger looked surprised, realizing neither had actually introduced himself. “Ren. Kylo Ren.”

“Oh,” slipped out of Hux's mouth before he could stop the syllable. He was getting very sad very quickly, despite promising himself that he wouldn't. Despite promising himself that he was over Matches. He cursed the fact that he was hopeful, that he even had been thinking about it.

“What's yours?” the stranger – _Ren –_ asked casually, thankfully not commenting on the war of emotions he was sure to have seen across Hux's face.

“Hux,” he said quietly, resigned.

The man sipped his coffee. Or whatever it was. Hux wasn't sure. “Is that your first name or last name?”

“Does it matter.” Hux replied flatly. At this point the best he could hope for with Ren would be his mother's curse and he wouldn't wish that upon anyone. Even then, many Half-Matches didn't want to be with their Match since it was almost inevitable that their Match would leave. Though Hux had promised himself that he would never do what his father did, it wasn't completely his choice if whoever had him for a Match wanted him at all. Even thinking about it Hux felt tired, so tired.

The man's mouth twitched in what looked like amusement. Hux couldn't fathom why. His gaze settled on the dark bracelet on the man's wrist. “No, I suppose not,” the stranger finally replied. Hux felt his heart sink further even though he repeatedly told himself not to care anymore. Whatever name the man had on his wrist had to be something that obviously wouldn't belong to him.

Brendol Hux and Kylo Ren. He almost asked if it was his real name, but then again, he was _Brendol,_ so who was he to talk? He wondered briefly if either of them ever really had a chance with names so unique.

“Well, Hux,” Kylo Ren took a long sip from his cup. “It's nice to meet you. Again.” He smiled that goofy smile again. And Hux found himself smiling back after a moment. Something about this man made him feel like things might be alright.

Ren's giant watch began beeping again and he tore his gaze from Hux's. Hux hadn't realized they had been staring at each other until they looked away.

“Aw shit, I'm late. I'm sorry,” he looked regretful.

“It's fine,” Hux found himself inordinately curious about this enigma of a man.

“I'll see you next week then, Hux,” he patted his shoulder as he walked away. Hux could still feel the warmth of his hand and the way he had said his name long after his had left.

What was happening to him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone and for all your comments so far!  
> Coming up in chapter 7: What does Kylo want out of this? And how is he uncannily good at knowing what Hux likes?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bookshops, coffeeshops, and talking, oh my

Hux ran a comb through his ginger hair nervously, smoothing down imaginary strays as he paced in front of his bathroom mirror. He had already changed his shirt three times, though he was considering a fourth. When he had finished work early that day, he realized that he had sufficient time to go back to his apartment to change before visiting his mother. And Kylo Ren. And since he had gotten a small line of ink on his shirt cuff that morning from a the careless handling of a pen, he was glad for the chance to wear something better.

But, he found, when he was given more time to deliberate over such matters, he inevitably became over-critical and stressed about it. He wore a white shirt last week, would it be bad to wear white again? Or neutral colors at all? A part of him, the _sane_ part, reminded him that it was just a potential second coffee, not an elaborate affair, but Hux found himself worrying all the same. He brushed his teeth and washed his face and was debating cologne nonetheless.

He let out a small huff of exasperation at himself. Kylo Ren had been in the same jacket every time he had seen him. It probably wouldn't matter what Hux was wearing at all. He tried to tell himself that as he changed his shoes and checked his hair one final time.

That should do it. He hoped. He wished that there were a few more things that he could do, like make himself look like he got more than four hours of sleep the night before, but some things were out of his control. That was displeasing, but with a final nervous check in the mirror, he grabbed the flowers for his mother and headed out the door.

 

He made it to the cemetery first, spending time with his mother and making sure the flowers were arranged perfectly. When he looked up, Ren still wasn't there. He frowned slightly, checking the time on his phone. He was always there by that time. Hux walked along the paths through the graveyard, trying to pass the time, and ended up in the small park attached to it. He was still in a good viewline of Han Solo's grave and the sidewalk that Ren usually came by. He sat on one of the small benches and waited.

As time went on, Hux could feel his heart sinking, and, eventually, his posture. Maybe Ren didn't want to talk to him anymore now that he knew his name, now that they knew they weren't Matches, he wondered sadly. Maybe he didn't even want to be friends. Maybe this was just like his problems with the Ben's all over again.

Hux sighed and gave up about an hour later. He felt sad and disappointed, and stupid for spending so much time preparing for their encounter that never happened. It was his shit luck again, he decided, as he locked himself back in his apartment. Surrendering to the heat of his shower and the soft call of his blankets, Hux fell into an early sleep.

 

\- - -

 

The week felt like it had simultaneously dragged on forever and flown by all at once. Hux had just finished up with his mother and he was about to leave, when something made him look towards where Ren usually was.

And he was there.

And he was coming towards him.

A small part of Hux panicked and told him to leave, but the rest of him kept himself rooted in place. He quickly schooled his expression into something neutral, not wanting to seem upset or hopeful, since either of which could just complicate things. And Hux questioned why he was caring so much in the first place.

“Hux,” Ren called out a little breathlessly, jogging the last few yards over to where Hux stood as if he could sense that Hux was considering fleeing.

“Hello, Ren,” he replied, and his heart stuttered as the man's crooked smile appeared.

“I'm sorry about last week,” Ren began, unprompted. Hux liked that he didn't have to say anything to get an explanation. “One of my kids had a recital and -”

Kids? _Plural?_

Ren must have noticed the look on Hux's face because he looked almost horrified and hurried to continue.

“Oh no not _my_ kids...I mean one of my students.” Hux's eyebrows went up, still confused. He was pretty sure most schools wouldn't allow their teachers to dress like Kylo Ren, all black with converse that had definitely seen better days, pockets full of who knows what. “I'm only twenty-eight, I don't actually have kids, some of them are teenagers even, I mean I'm not married or anything at all I just-”

Hux listened to him babble for a moment before interrupting. “Students?”

Ren's mouth snapped shut for a moment and he dropped the hand that had been running through his hair nervously as he rambled. “I teach,” he replied, then brightened. “Music. After-school lessons mostly,” he seemed excited. Hux wanted to see more.

He remembered the guitar picks that had come out of Ren's pockets at the coffeeshop. “Guitar, right?”

Ren perked up even more, happy that Hux had noticed. “Yeah guitar. And piano. And a few more.”

“Oh?” Hux was intrigued.

“Yeah. Um. Clarinet, cello, voice, I've also got one percussion student too,” he shrugged, looking down and flushing under Hux's impressed gaze. Hux wanted to see him play all of those instruments. He could just imagine Ren's fingers on a guitar. “So, um, coffee?” He asked, breaking Hux's train of thought. 

“I actually need to go to the bookstore before it closes,” Hux said. “But I could be persuaded for coffee afterwards if you'd like to join me.” He felt his heart pounding in his chest. There. He had initiated something. He was both elated and terrified.

Ren stared back at him with those big brown eyes that Hux was afraid he'd get completely lost in someday, then grinned at him. “Yeah that sounds good!”

 

Together they walked the few blocks to the bookshop, arms brushing every once in a while, sending shivers down Hux's spine.

“What book are you looking for?” Ren asked as he held the door open for Hux (Hux's heart positively leapt at the gesture).

“Just something to read before I go to sleep. I don't have anything specific in mind; I'll know it when I see it.” They walked the aisles, Hux's eyes scanning over familiar titles and new books, waiting for something to catch his eye. Ren followed him around like a duckling for a while before halting and going back to the aisle they had just left. He came back with a book in his hand.

“How about this one?”

Hux raised an eyebrow skeptically and took the proffered book, flipping it over to read the summary on the back. Surely it wouldn't be to his tastes, Ren didn't know what he liked to read.

It sounded perfect.

“Have you read this?” Hux asked and Ren shook his head no.

“Then why did you pick it for me?”

Ren shrugged. “It just seemed like you'd like it.”

“ _Why?”_

“I don't know.”

“But-” Hux's words faltered. Ren hadn't even read the book or the summary, he just apparently blindly picked the perfect book for Hux and seemed confident about it. It bothered Hux. Just like it bothered Hux that Ren had a dumb, goofy, pleased grin on his face as he followed him through the line to pay.

 

In line for coffee, they bickered lightheartedly about who was paying for their coffee, both insisting on picking up the tab.

“Do you even have your wallet this time?” Hux asked, raising one eyebrow. He wasn't sure where the snarkiness was coming from between them, why he was letting out his inner thoughts so easily, but Ren threw it right back at him playfully and Hux found himself enjoying it immensely.

Ren looked panicked for a brief moment, patting down his pockets until he pulled out a lopsided, worn wallet. Just in time to pay the cashier.

“Got it!” Ren said triumphantly.

He dropped it.

Hux managed to stifle his laugh into a somewhat undignified snort. Ren narrowed his eyes at him but kept his smirk as he paid for their coffees a bit smugly.

“So just Hux, then?” Ren asked conversationally as they sat at the same table they had before.

“Just Hux.”

“Oh,” Ren's smirk intensified a bit. “So like Madonna.”

Hux choked on the sip of hot coffee in his mouth and Kylo Ren had the audacity to laugh at him. He bristled slightly. “If that makes it easier for you then fine. Yes. Like Madonna.”

Ren chuckled as Hux continued to glare at him.

“That must make it easy for your Match,” Ren said suddenly, looking very interested in the way his hands dwarfed the paper cup in his grasp.

Hux frowned slightly. “I don't know.”

“So you haven't found them?”

“No.” Hux snapped, not liking where the conversation was going.

“I haven't either,” Ren said quickly, seeming to sense Hux's irritation. “I don't even know where to begin with mine.”

Hux made a noncommittal noise. “That unique, then?”

“Yep.”

“That's quite the opposite of my dilemma,” Hux admitted. “But I've given up on Matches.” He didn't know why he was admitting this to Ren, why the air felt so full of tension between them.

“Names are overrated anyway,” Ren said after a long, uncomfortable pause. “It's who you are that's important.”

“That was a bit cheesy, Ren,” Hux teased, mood lightening a bit. Maybe they agreed on this whole thing after all.

“Yeah but it's true anyway.” Hux liked the way Ren's large ears turned pink when he was embarrassed.

“Anyway. Want to get coffee or – or something else some other time? I'm not obsessed with coffee I swear it's just here, I mean. Um. But like when we're not visiting dead relatives?”

“ _Ren._ ”

“What? I'm serious! It's kind of sad. I mean think about it. So we should do something else too. Maybe...maybe just hang out or something,” Ren licked his lips nervously and Hux was drawn to the movement.

Hux considered the proposition. “We...we aren't Matches, Ren.”

“So?” the dumb goofy grin was returned. “We can at least be friends. We both don't care about Matches. You...you seem lonely.” Before Hux could retort or feel offended, he continued, “like you could use a friend. I know I could,” he looked up at Hux in that sad way again.

“Alright. You're not wrong.” It was a bit unnerving, like how Ren had found the perfect book, but Hux figured that was just him, just some other aspect of this odd man. And he found himself wanting to know more, wanting to know everything.

Ren stared at him a moment longer, tilting his head in that endearing way of his. His tongue darted across his lips before biting his lower one slightly. Hux couldn't help but watch every movement again. Ren's brow furrowed a bit as he looked like he came to a sudden realization. “You...you were upset,” he looked concerned, a bit of disbelief and hope in his eyes.

“What?” Hux asked stupidly, feeling like he missed something important in the conversation when he was staring at Ren's lips.

“Last week. When I wasn't here.”

Hux's cheeks burned. “Well. I-”

Ren bit his lip again. “You waited for me,” he said in awe, like the whole concept was new to him. It made Hux a little sad, but mostly he was feeling anxious that Ren even knew. Was it sad that he waited? Should he not have?

“I understand,” Ren said so sincerely that Hux instantly believed him. “Here,” he pulled a scrap of paper from a left pocket and fished a pen out of another, scribbling something. “That's my phone number. If you ever want to know where I am or something. You can text me yours later if you want,” Ren looked nervous again, hunching over the small table between them.

Hux pulled out his phone right there, putting in the number and sending Ren a quick text. 

The smile he got in return was worth every moment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm on tumblr at katherine1753 too :)
> 
> Coming up in chapter 8: Kylo Ren changes it up. Long conversations. Hand holding~ The fluff begins. Fluff is my /thing/ friends :D


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo changes up their newly established routine, and did Hux just ask him out?  
> The fluff begins

They started getting coffee twice a week, still on their customary Friday evenings, but also on Wednesday mornings before Hux headed to work. Even though the majority of Ren's job took place in the afternoon, he didn't seem to mind getting up early to see Hux an extra time each week, however briefly their morning meetings may have been. Hux still had never been allowed to pay for the coffee, no matter how much he tried to insist or distract Ren in the line. So he always ordered the cheapest, plainest thing, not wanting to inconvenience him.

They went for a walk in the park one Monday evening when a student of Ren's had canceled last minute and Hux's projects were well ahead of schedule. Hux knew his feelings were growing and he found himself looking forward to every moment spent with Ren. He was confused, having never felt that attached to someone before, especially only knowing them for a few months for coffee dates. Or were they dates? A part of Hux desperately wished that they were, ignoring Matches and fate and everything like that. He hoped that Ren felt the same way.

 

\- - -

Hux is thirty years old when he starts to take his life into his own hands.

\- - -

 

One Friday afternoon, Ren showed up with two coffee cups in hand. That was new. He held one out to Hux, who had just raised an eyebrow at him. So he wasn't even giving Hux the chance to attempt to pay for the coffee this time. Fine. He'd have to figure something else out.

Hux looked at the cup and noticed that it was bigger than the one he customarily got. He narrowed his eyes at Ren who only smirked in response.

“Just take the coffee, Hux,” he practically pushed the paper cup into Hux's hand the moment he started to reach it out towards him and the proffered cup.

Hux sipped it carefully, almost groaning in surprise at the rich caramel flavor. It was his favorite, though he'd never admitted it, and he rarely even splurged on it when he was alone.

“Ren, how-”

“I knew you'd like it!” he interrupted triumphantly. Though he had managed to keep his pleased noises hushed, Hux realized, his face must have been another matter entirely.

“But how did you know?” Hux felt entirely lost. He didn't think that there was anything about him that particularly implied that he enjoyed such rich sugary coffees, and he was certain he'd never brought it up. He was usually good at reading people but it seemed like Ren was on an entirely different level.

Ren just shrugged. “Don't worry about it. I just guessed.”

Hux tried to glare over the cup at him but he couldn't bring himself up to his full potential, sweet coffee softening his gaze to a slight pout.

Ren just smiled his lopsided smile that Hux simultaneously thought was cute and odd. He found himself thinking about kissing the expression off of Ren's face, replacing it with pleased shock and- and where had _those_ thoughts come from?

Hux knew his cheeks were flushing pink as he walked with Ren to the park. Ren thankfully didn't comment on it, and so Hux didn't comment on the fact that he flipped off his dad's grave as they walked by, not even stopping to say anything. They made their way through the little gate along the loose stone path, shoulders brushing every once in a while like they had on the walk to the coffeeshop. Part of Hux wondered if Ren was trying to hold his hand and the rest of him wondered if the man just walked that way.

“You can call me Kylo, you know,” Ren pointed out, breaking the silence as they neared the bench that Hux had waited on those weeks ago.

“Alright, Kylo,” Hux said softly. He wondered if the pink would ever leave his cheeks. They sat on the little bench, on opposite ends, long legs angled towards each other. Neither were ready to leave the other's company just yet as they sat quietly finishing their coffees. Ren picked at the edges of his jacket and Hux wondered briefly if he was nervous too. He still thought Kylo's jacket had too many pockets.

Hux felt his eyes keep drifting over to Kylo's tall form, still willing the flush to die down on his cheeks in the cool breeze that drifted by, rustling the leaves.

“Didn't want to talk today?” Hux asked, nodding towards Han Solo's grave across the fence.

Kylo huffed out a small breath. “Nope. I didn't have anything to say to him this week.” He bounced his foot a few times on the ground. “I used to, um, have anger management problems. Still kind of do with my dad. One of the therapists I saw after he died wanted me to visit him once a week to talk out any issues I thought of. Which I thought would be stupid because he was dead, but he couldn't interrupt me or ignore me so it did help some,” he shrugged stiffly. Hux wanted to place a hand on his shoulder in comfort. “And the habit just kind of stuck even though it's been years since my rehab and training and all that. I had a decent week so far so I didn't want to talk to him,” the bouncing in his foot resumed. “Sorry.”

“It's alright,” Hux murmured. “I'm sorry your dad didn't talk to you. I know how that is. Mine was never around.”

“Shit,” Kylo replied sympathetically.

“Yeah. But my mother was wonderful. She was the nicest person I've ever known. She was a Half-Match and I hated it, hated that she deserved so much kindness but just had him.”

“And you,” Kylo added softly.

Hux felt one corner of his mouth twitch up slightly. He was sad, as he remembered things, but found more of himself wanting to comfort Ren instead of dwelling on his own misfortunes. And the way Ren replied to him brought back fond memories of his mother instead of painful ones.

“That's what she always said. She named me after him, you know. So that my name matched her wrist.”

“Because she loved her son so much,” Kylo said, understanding.

 

They talked for what ended up being hours, about everything and nothing, going back and forth between serious topics and more lighthearted things. Hux wasn't worried about the time or his schedules for once; he didn't have work in the morning with the next day being Saturday, and having a real conversation with someone felt great when it flowed so easily. He found himself enjoying being in Kylo's presence.

“So I have this student, right, Rey? She's easily my best student and she's only six. Piano and clarinet, she's basically a prodigy. But she hates coming, hates being dropped off by her parents. She won't even practice because it reminds her of having to come to lessons. Young kids and separation issues, you know?” Hux nodded along, enthralled with the way Kylo's deep voice rumbled excitedly as he rambled on with someone to listen. “I get it since I've dealt with abandonment issues, but she's so incredibly talented. She just needs a teacher. That's why I do it. Something about the kids just wanting so badly to learn, or seeing potential in them before they can, and just giving them an outlet that I wish I had. Teaching relaxes me,” he looked like he was in a distant memory for a moment before snapping back to the present, Hux just content to watch him. “Do you play any instruments, Hux?”  
It took Hux a minute to respond, so deeply listening that he barely registered the question was directed at him. “Oh. Sadly, no,” he wished he had more to contribute, more that they had in common.

Kylo looked at him earnestly. “It's never too late to learn. I bet you're a fast learner.”

Hux felt his cheeks heat up a bit again at the attention, Kylo's gaze so focused on him. This seemed like it was going to be a common occurrence. “So I've been told.”

Kylo beamed a bit, then carried on with another train of thought, excited to have a captive audience to talk to. Hux wondered if he had many other people to walk with, or if he felt alone in some of the same ways Hux did.

He let Kylo carry most of the conversation, content to listen and watch the man. He liked learning new things about him, observing new information and how passionately he spoke of things he liked.

His voice washed over Hux in deep, calming waves. Hux watched as he gesticulated with his long arms as he told a story. He committed to memory every facial expression crossing Ren's face, so many in his passionate explanations. Kylo was just so present.

Hux was drawn to his movements; the shifting of his shoulders under his bulky pocket-jacket, the quick twitches of his large hands with their ever-present chipped nail polish, the bounce of his knee when he got particularly into something. He was drawn to his face; the minute expressions along with the more obvious ones, the lopsided genuine smile, the way his nose twitched at something funny, the dimples in his cheeks. He was drawn to the light in his eyes, the brown a soft honey color in the low lighting, the focus they held, the way they looked at Hux like Kylo could see into his soul.

Hux felt a bit like a moth being drawn to a flame that was the bright soul of Kylo Ren.

 

Hux only noticed how late it had gotten when he managed to drag his eyes away and looked up, seeing that it was completely dark, only the streetlamps lit throughout the park and sidewalks casting a soft yellow glow in the night.

Hux noticed that Kylo was sitting much closer than when they first started talking on the bench. In fact, their knees were almost touching now. He also noticed, with his cheeks warming slightly, that half of the distance between them had been lost on his own end.

Though it had been warm that afternoon, Hux's blazer wasn't doing much to help in the brisker evening air. He wished he had the foresight to bring his pea coat along, but it was the longest time they had spent outside together. He rubbed his hands together a bit, trying to warm them, not ready for their night to be over simply because he was feeling cold. His hands were always the first things to get cold anyway, and he could deal with that.

“Oh are your hands cold? Here,” Kylo stopped mid-sentence into a story he was telling about what Hux assumed was his childhood pet to grab Hux's hands in his own. Hux froze. With a jolt, he realized that he had never really held hands with anyone before, not like this.

Kylo'x hands were big and warm against his own, large palms rubbing over the backs of his hands. His slightly callused fingers felt good on his slender hands.

“Oh,” Hux found himself saying lightly.

Kylo looked startled. “Sorry I didn't mean to just like...grab you. Um,” he ducked his head and Hux couldn't help but smile softly at the fact that Ren's ears had gone bright red. “Is this ok? Is- is this helping?”

“Yes,” Hux said in answer to both questions, feeling his cheeks heat up even more. He was thankful it was dark out. “Your hands are very warm.”

Kylo looked back up and grinned at him, a little more lopsided than normal. Hux felt his own lips twitch up into a small smile in return. Kylo looked like he had an idea as he dropped one of his hands to dig in a pocket. “Here,” he said, pulling out the pair of fingerless gloves Hux had seen in the coffeeshop. Kylo tugged them onto Hux's hands carefully until they fit snugly against his palms. He shifted closer so that their shoulders and thighs pressed against each other lightly. Hux was glad for both the warmth and the closeness.

His heart sped up as Kylo traced his callused fingertips over Hux's hands. Hux didn't pull away, in fact he found himself slightly leaning into the touches. It felt nice. Nice to be taken care of. Nice to be touched gently. Nice to just have this, all other worries and thoughts forgotten. Kylo's hands mapped out his own for a long while, Hux relaxing into the grip, until Kylo's fingers came to lace with his own. He sighed contentedly.

“Have dinner with me,” Hux murmured, brain catching up with his mouth after the words came out. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

“What?”

Hux hesitated for only a second, took a breath, and repeated his request. He felt it was time to actually do something he wanted. “Have dinner with me. So I can make up for all of these coffees at least,” he added, just in case.

Kylo looked nervously giddy. “Really?”

“I asked, didn't I?”

“It's ok with you that we aren't Matches?”

Hux was taken aback for a moment. He hadn't even thought about anything at all more than wanting to have dinner with Kylo until the words were out of his mouth. Was it ok?

“Yes,” Hux replied, both to himself and to Kylo. He had already given up on finding his Match, why not spend his time with Kylo, someone who he actually enjoyed spending time with, instead of blindly searching for another failed Ben?

“Does tomorrow night work? My place, I can cook,” Hux found himself offering before he could process what he was saying. He was inviting Kylo not just out for dinner but back to his apartment? This was so far out of his comfort zone, so out of his depth, but it was exactly what he wanted and he felt sure about it for one of the first times in his life.

He could practically feel the excitement shining off of Kylo next to him. “I'd love that.”

Maybe this could work after all, them not being Matches. Hux felt the optimism reflecting in his own thoughts.

Kylo was practically beaming at him as they said their goodbyes. He pulled Hux into a tight hug, startling him slightly before he hugged back, feeling warm and safe in Kylo's arms.

“I'll see you tomorrow then, Hux,” he promised happily as he reluctantly let go. Hux already missed the contact.

“Oh, your gloves,” Hux reached out slightly.

Kylo caught one of his hands lightly in his own. “Keep them,” he hesitated for a moment then brushed his lips against Hux's knuckles where they came out of the gloves.

Hux knew his face was bright red in the low light as he found himself at a complete loss of words. He watched as Ren gave him a shy smile.

“Tomorrow, Hux,” he repeated, walking backwards a few steps so he could keep looking at Hux as he left. He gave a little wave and disappeared around the corner.

Hux brought both gloved hands up to his face where he had the biggest smile he'd had in years.

 

\- - -

Hux is thirty when he has his first real date. Normally, he would panic at something like this but he was too happy. He couldn't wait to tell Phasma.

\- - -

Late at night as he climbed into bed, Hux tugged Kylo's gloves back onto his hands, still smiling in anticipation for the next day as he fell asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your kind comments and messages and kudos so far, they mean the world to me!  
> I'm at katherine1753 on tumblr if you want to come say hi :)
> 
> Coming up in Chapter 9: Phasma's reaction and the dinner date ;)


	9. chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren comes over for their date

Hux slowly blinked awake from his nest of pillows as the sun gently filtered in through his curtains. His gaze fell onto the one hand he had curled by his face. As a small smile crossed his lips, he brought the gloved hand to his face, nuzzling it softly before his sleepy brain could catch up with the action. The glove smelled like Kylo, and Kylo smelled _good,_ and the glove was worn but soft, and Kylo was so sweet to give it to him, and Kylo was coming over tonight, and-

And Kylo was coming over tonight.

His eyes flew open as he shot up in bed. He hadn't cleaned. He hadn't gone to the store for food in days. What was he _thinking._ Hux jumped out of bed, running to the closet to throw on the first set of clothes his fists could grab. He would change later. But he needed to talk to Phasma. He needed to talk to Phasma _now._ He fell on his carpeted floor with a small “oof,” as he stumbled through getting some pants on at the same time as locating a pair of socks.

He ran into Phasma in the hallway, who was just locking her door. “Oh hey, Hux, are you finally going to join me for a run – whoa,” she took in his frantic appearance. “What's up?”

“Oh. Um. I-” Hux didn't want to bother her, but he desperately needed the help, and he sighed with relief as Phasma unlocked her door again, ushering him inside.

“Don't worry about it, I'll just run an extra mile tomorrow. What's going on?”

“Phasma, I've...I've been seeing someone,” he wondered how best to explain the situation.

“Did you find a Ben without me?”

“Not exactly,” Hux admitted. “He's...his name is Kylo.”

He was expecting Phasma to be concerned, or worried, or anything but the impressed smirk she had on her face.

“How rebellious! And here I thought you were the one with the strange name.”

“I know, I just- he's coming over tonight, for dinner, and I only just asked him last night, so I haven't cleaned and I promised to cook and I-”

Phasma shushed him, still smiling. “I'll go to the store for you, I was planning on going later anyway. I still know what brands you like. You go ahead and go clean your no-doubt already spotless apartment. Nice gloves by the way,” she said, noticing his fidgeting hands.

Hux just blushed and Phasma's smirk grew. Hux thought she was almost more excited than he was, probably since there was no reason for her to be nervous. He nodded, taking her advice, already making lists in his head of what to clean first and ranking all his tasks in order of importance and how likely Kylo was going to see that part of his apartment.

“What time is he coming?”

Hux panicked. They hadn't discussed that. He hadn't even given Kylo his address. They had just made spontaneous plans, that was so unlike him.

“Oh, Hux. You're like a little lovesick puppy,” Phasma cooed and he glared. “See if eight works, ok? That's a good time. And you better let me know how it goes later. I want to hear everything, Hux, I mean it.”

Hux nodded again, already fumbling for his phone.

“Oh and Hux? Your shirt's on backwards. So you might want to fix that before he gets here,” Phasma winked at him.

 

After sending a few rapidly typed texts including his address, “it's Hux,” “You already knew that,” “sorry,” “is 8 ok?” “did I ask that?” “nevermind,” “sorry,” Hux began to clean. Phasma had been right, nothing really needed cleaning except maybe his laundry, which Kylo wouldn't see, but it made Hux feel better to go though everything again. He started with his kitchen and living room, ending with his bedroom even though he didn't think Kylo would see that room for a while at least, and had just finished folding his laundry when Phasma let herself in, loaded down with grocery bags.

He thanked her, promising her all the leftovers she wanted, and ushered her out of his apartment frantically. He still had plenty of time, but he always liked to be ahead of schedule.

Hux managed to calm himself by the time the food was almost finished. He had changed into a nice sweater and jeans (put on in the right direction this time), his whole apartment was spotless, dinner would be finished right on time, and everything seemed to be going well.

Five minutes til eight, his phone started ringing. Phasma. He glanced at the clock, then his door, then answered the call, hoping nothing had happened. “He's standing in front of your door, Hux,” she said gleefully. “At least I assume that's him. Tall, dark hair he keeps running his hands through, keeps shuffling his feet around?”

Hux made an affirmative noise, glancing at the clock again.

“He's _cute_ , Hux! And apparently just as nervous as you. Good job. And good luck!” She hung up and Hux put his phone down. He checked his reflection once more, adjusted the plates on his table so they were aligned perfectly, and waited. A minute later there was a hesitant knock on his door.

He forced himself to cross his apartment calmly. Kylo's lopsided grin greeted him as soon as he unlatched the door.

“You look really nice,” Kylo said and Hux faltered for a moment because surely Kylo had seen himself, dressed in pants without holes and a shirt with buttons. But then again Kylo had never seen him in anything apart from what he wore to work.

“Thank you,” Hux mumbled, feeling himself go pink. Ren huffed out a little laugh. Smiles looked so nice on Kylo's lips. Hux found himself wondering how they would feel. He wondered if Kylo would kiss him, after all this was a date, or if he should kiss Kylo. He willed the pink to fade from his cheeks as he poured a glass of wine for each of them from a bottle that Kylo had brought. That of course had paired perfectly with everything that he cooked.

 

Over dinner Hux learned many things about Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren had (in Hux's opinion) the shittiest and best taste in music simultaneously. Kylo Ren couldn't cook anything besides grilled cheese without destroying it but supposedly he was great at baking. Kylo Ren's nails were constantly in a state of chipped black, as if permanently so. Hux had never seen them fully covered or fully clear. Kylo Ren was completely disorganized, cut his own hair, loved to drive cars, and claimed to be really good at card games. And, apparently, Kylo Ren rambled when he was nervous.

There was something about Kylo, something so strong and present. Hux wondered if he himself had never been truly living, just going about day to day, while Kylo, perfect Kylo, found every little thing with some strong emotion whether good or bad. They had become close so much faster than Hux had with anyone except maybe Phasma. That unnerved him. It was like Ren had a way of getting into his head, under his skin, just knowing. That infuriated Hux half of the time because with Kylo there were so many times he just felt lost and overwhelmed, unable to read this enigma of a man. But the rest of him liked it, liked _him._ Immensely so. On more than one occasion, Hux found himself wishing that the name on his wrist said Kylo.

Kylo Ren was complicated, to say the least. Annoying, messy, stubborn, emotional, beautiful, endearing, sweet- none of it deterred Hux, somehow every single thing about Kylo made him feel drawn to this hulking bat of a man. Hux chalked it up to himself finally going insane. He told Kylo such, and Kylo had laughed. He laughed so hard that it was infectious and Hux found himself laughing along.

Kylo Ren made him laugh. No one else could.

 

Hux carried their empty plates to his kitchen, planning on just dropping them in the sink to deal with later, but Kylo came along, offering to help clean up. He wasn't going to turn down the help, and it gave him something to do with his hands instead of fidgeting nervously or picking at his bracelet.

Kylo handed each plate, glass, and utensil to Hux to dry and put away after he washed them, their hips bumping occasionally in the small kitchen. Every time their hands brushed, Hux's breath hitched in his throat. After a while it seemed like Kylo kept touching his hand on purpose every time he handed him something.

Kylo reached around Hux to grab a second towel to dry his hands as Hux finished with a plate. “Can I kiss you?” Hux froze.

“I...we aren't Matches,” Hux stuttered out, then cursed himself for replying at all. Hadn't he been thinking about Kylo's lips all night? Hadn't they decided Matches wouldn't matter?

“That's not an answer,” Ren murmured, right in Hux's ear. Hux's hands shook as he set down the plate. He turned around and Kylo was so close, just inches of space between them. The dishtowel fell out of Hux's hands, forgotten.

He bit his lower lip, “why?” His brain caught up with him a second later, asking why indeed, why was he using his mouth to ask stupid questions when there were much better things his mouth could be doing, being offered right then and there.

Kylo's brow furrowed slightly and his lips quirked up on one side. Hux stared. His expression was endearing and his lips were right there, the lips he had been watching, and he wanted Kylo to kiss him so badly and- “Because I want to,” Kylo's voice rumbled over him though it was a mere whisper. So deep. So strong. So gentle. Hux was barely making coherent thoughts. Surely Kylo could feel his heartbeat, it was pounding out of his chest. “Because there is nothing that I want more than to be able to kiss you right now, Hux.”

“Yes,” Hux breathed and Kylo smiled at him and it was beautiful. “Please,” he added and he felt a little foolish but then both of Kylo's large hands were coming up to cup his face. They were warm and they were comforting and Kylo was leaning closer, closer, as Hux's eyes fluttered shut.

Kylo's lips were soft and plush and warm, pressed impossibly gently against his own. They brushed over Hux's in a caress. He had never felt more safe or wanted in his entire life. Kylo pulled back, just slightly, barely so, their noses still together. Hux's trembling hands went to Kylo's shoulders, trying to tug him back. Kylo's thumbs brushed over Hux's cheeks and then one hand slid into his hair, the other carefully holding the back of his neck, pulling Hux across the few millimeters between them. He kissed him again, and again, softly, gently, sweetly.

He leaned Hux back slightly against the counter, arms wrapping around him more securely, and Hux all but melted. Hux felt Kylo deepen the kiss, licking into his mouth still so impossibly gently, his soft lips parting over Hux's own, tongues brushing tenderly against each other.

Everything felt perfect in that moment, kissing Kylo Ren in his kitchen in his little apartment. Nothing could be better.

 

They moved to Hux's couch to watch a movie Kylo had brought, hands linked together and Hux was sure that his face was going to stay red the entire night. Much to Hux's joy, Kylo kept stealing kisses all through the opening credits and beginning scenes. They settled into the couch, Kylo's arm draped around Hux and his head leaning on his shoulder, soft hair warm on Hux's neck. He kept one of Hux's hands in his own, thumb tracing across his knuckles over and over again, warm and pleasant.

At some point Kylo's head had moved to his lap from his shoulder. Hux didn't mind. In fact, he found himself surprised at how much he liked it, how comfortable it felt. Maybe it could work for them after all, not being Matches. Things certainly seemed to be at least.

Hux made sure to sit very still to make sure he didn't disturb Kylo. He wanted him to be comfortable, and the warm weight in his lap was calming in a domestic-bliss sort of way that felt simultaneously like old habit and like the one thing he had been missing for years.

He wanted to touch Kylo's hair. It looked so soft. He hadn't before, when they kissed, just gripping Kylo's hand and shirt and shoulders. He hoped though, maybe next time. He lifted a hand up in hesitation, then carded his fingers through the dark locks, marveling at how impossibly soft the mop was. Hux couldn't help the small smile on his face as Kylo leaned into the touch even in his sleep.

Hux pulled a blanket off the back of his couch, tucking it around Kylo, who snuggled into it. Hux felt his heart clench. He was falling and he was falling _hard._ And part of him wasn't worried about it. Because this was the happiest he had been in a long time. Maybe ever.

He turned the volume down on the television and switched the channel to one marathoning a series of documentaries, just to have a consistent sort of background noise as he continued to absentmindedly pet Kylo's hair and process his thoughts on everything.

\- - -

Hux woke up leaning against the arm of his couch, Kylo still mostly in his lap. He must have fallen asleep, too content and relaxed with Kylo draped across his legs to have noticed himself dozing off. He hoped Kylo wouldn't be upset.

He traced his fingers lightly across Kylo's face, marveling at his luck. Kylo made a pleased hum of a noise as Hux's fingers brushed through his hair, blinking slowly awake.

“Oh. Good morning. I guess we fell asleep,” Kylo smiled at him sleepily.

Hux hummed in affirmation, smile crossing his own lips.

“Is that ok?”

“It's ok,” Hux agreed.

“What time is it?”

“Just a little after eight. Why, are you late?” Hux hated the bits of reluctance and longing that slipped into his voice. He didn't want Kylo to leave yet but he also felt guilty if he had kept him from something.

Kylo leaned up to kiss him softly, cutting off his train of thought, before crawling up and settling his head on Hux's chest. “Good. Then I have about an hour or so,” he replied sleepily, nuzzling a bit into Hux's sweater and wrapping both arms around him. Hux found himself very pleased with how affectionate Kylo was when he was sleepy. Or maybe he was like this all the time, Hux wondered excitedly. After all, most of this was still all incredibly new. He draped his arms around Kylo in return.

When it came time for Kylo to leave to teach his lesson, he had looked a bit sheepish but Hux's bashful smile had reassured him back to his lopsided grin. He held Hux in a tight hug before reluctantly leaving, kissing him goodbye.

Hux decided this was definitely something he could get used to.

 

He heard a knock at his door not three minutes later. He opened the door with a smile, wondering if Kylo had forgotten something, which only faltered slightly when Phasma brushed past him into his apartment, looking like she had a million things to say.

“I was just getting back from my run and guess who I saw leaving?” she asked gleefully. “ _Hux._ Did he stay the night?” Phasma sounded impressed, gasping in mock surprise as Hux felt himself going red.

“Not like – _Phasma_ not like that. He – we fell asleep when we were watching a movie. And...I don't have to explain myself!” he bristled slightly.

Phasma laughed. “Oh, Hux, you know I'm just messing with you. But really. How did everything go, was it all ok?” She leaned against his counter, helping herself to some coffee as she prompted Hux to talk.

“I...it was great, it was-” Hux shook his head, how could he even describe the small comforts and strong attachment, the gentle kisses, the contentedness he'd never experienced before?

“You really like him, don't you,” Phasma replied softly.

“I do,” Hux admitted.

“But you're worried about something. Why are you worried?” Phasma could always read him before he could figure out his emotions.

“Do you think...well...I mean, fate won't let it last,” Hux stumbled over his words sadly.

Phasma sighed. “Who knows, Hux. Fate has sucked for you so far, do what makes you happy, throw it back in its face.”

“But inevitably-”

“Inevitably what? It won't work out in the end? That's just what everyone says, Hux, why not try? Why not make it work? What if that's just what everyone says and believes and so they make it come true?”

Hux considered it briefly. “Yeah, but-”

“Hux, I don't know. I don't think anyone does. But I can tell he makes you happy and God knows you deserve some happiness. So you should keep it as long as you can, whether it's a short time or forever. Honestly, kid, when you opened that door and thought it was him instead of me, I don't know if I've ever seen you so happy. And he looked just as smitten with you as he was leaving.” She patted his shoulder as Hux blushed again. “Try not to worry. Just be happy for now.”

Hux nodded, not trusting himself with words.

“So,” Phasma smirked at him. “Did you kiss him?”

 

\- - -

 

Throughout the day, Kylo kept texting him little thoughts and messages. Hux wasn't sure if he had ever smiled so much in one day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, my lovelies <3
> 
> coming up in chapter 10: a bit more on Kylo Ren. Kylo gets Hux's mail for him one day ;)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matches are discussed, love confessions are made, Kylo get's Hux's mail. With his first name on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: art from nspamc!!! [go check it out!!](http://nspamc.tumblr.com/post/147816090306/happy-birthday-katherine1753-please-go-and-wish)

Kylo Ren's apartment was not at all what Hux expected. It was large but cozy, dark woods and bricks creating the structure with comfortable looking furnishings inside. His living room was filled with shelves overflowing with CDs and record albums and instrument cases. There were copies of sheet music stacked on his coffee table along with a few used mugs, but other than that everything was surprisingly clean.

Hux took his coat off at the door, reveling in the warmth of the apartment against his cold skin. Kylo, however, kept his layers on, the top of which was one of Hux's coats he had borrowed to walk him over.

“It smells like you,” Kylo had offered as explanation of why he continued to wear it inside.

“I smell like me, too,” Hux found himself retorting before his brain could catch up with his mouth, cheeks going pink at Kylo's grin. He couldn't even bring himself to pretend to be mad about the jacket theft like he wanted to. He was too pleased by Kylo's joy, and by the way his gaze darkened seductively as he crossed the small foyer to Hux and oh if Kylo kissed him like that every day he'd never find it in himself to be angry again.

Kylo's plush lips pressed against his, taking his breath away. His tongue slipped out, drawing little noises out of Hux in the quiet of the evening. Hux, feeling emboldened by the voracity of Kylo's kisses, snuck his hands under the stolen coat, sliding it off his shoulders. His hands ran lightly over Kylo's sweatered chest, managing to catch the jacket just before it hit the ground, draping it blindly somewhere on the overstuffed couch. His eyes were lidded and not leaving Kylo's form.

“So that's how it is, hmm?” Kylo's deep voice rumbled playfully against his lips. Hux could feel his smirk.

“It is if you're a coat thief,” Hux retorted, kissing him again.

Kylo laughed into the kiss, bringing his hands up to hold Hux's face as he deepened their kisses. His nose pressed against Hux's cheek and Hux was startled to realize how much he liked it, reaching up to hold Ren's shoulders and pulling him a little closer.

Kylo buried his nose in Hux's hair, breathing in deeply. “You _do_ smell like you!” He announced in mock surprise.

Hux swatted his shoulder. “Alright, you goof. The takeout's getting cold.”

Kylo just grinned at him with his lopsided smile.

 

They went on dates almost every week, and in between they would have dinner at each others' apartments. Kylo was practically with him almost every day, so much so that Hux contemplated giving him his spare key. He was becoming a permanent fixture in his life. Not too long after they started spending time together, Kylo was invited for movie night at Phasma's and after a round of intense scrutiny, she had given her full approval. That pleased Hux more than he expected it to; he hadn't realized how anxious he was for Phasma to like Kylo.

Hux knew he was falling hard. He knew he was becoming addicted to Kylo Ren, to his presence, his taste. He felt like he was burning, and it had never felt so good. And with each day that passed, turning into weeks, he knew he was drawn in closer and closer.

\- - -

Hux hadn't fully realized how afraid he was of falling in love, especially without a Match, until he realized that it was way too late. He was positively smitten with Kylo, and he was so afraid. He didn't think he could handle it if, _when,_ things didn't last. If you loved someone that wasn't your Match, things inevitably had a way of falling apart. The thought kept repeating over and over in his head. But Phasma had said...he had hoped...

It seemed Kylo couldn't care less about finding his own Match, and Hux wondered if it were possible that they had both missed their Matches and so fate had decided to let them find each other. But, though Hux had met other Bens, and though they had all ended disastrously, Kylo had never said anything about any previous encounters with anyone bearing whatever name was on his wrist. Hux worried selfishly what would happen if Kylo ever did find whoever it was. Would he be pushed aside and forgotten? Would Kylo ignore his Match and stay with Hux? And what would happen if he ever met a Ben with Hux on their wrist? He didn't even want to think about it. And neither, it seemed, did Kylo. Neither of them talked about it. Neither of them took their bracelets off.

\- - -

Another night found them back at Kylo's apartment, Kylo nuzzling behind Hux's ear with his arms wrapped around his torso as Hux tried to finish washing their dishes from dinner. “You're being entirely unhelpful you know,” Hux tried to complain, but he said it with a smile.

“The same could be said for you,” Kylo muttered against his skin, pressing a kiss to the top of his ear. “You're distracting me.”

“I'm doing nothing of the sort!” Hux gasped, turning in his arms to face Kylo. He pressed a chaste kiss to Kylo's lips, then a second, then after a moment, a third. Each lingering more than the last. “Oh alright, maybe a little bit,” he admitted.

 

Finishing up an episode of a show Hux honestly couldn't remember the name of, Kylo looked like he had something to say, before suddenly turning to Hux and asking “Have you ever found someone that you thought was your Match?”  
That was not the question Hux had been expecting. At all. “Not really,” he admitted. “Someone told me that you just have this feeling, that you _know_ when you meet them. I never felt that. I've met a few people that I thought might be, but I was always wrong. Most of them were complete disasters, honestly.”

“Oh?” Kylo seemed extremely curious, and Hux found himself laughing lightly, tension flowing out of him.

“Well the most recent one was _married._ He didn't have my name and he tried to pick me up at a party for single people looking for friends and Matches. It was awful. Phasma had to save me. Then again, she dragged me along to the event in the first place so I suppose she felt it was her duty.”

Kylo snickered. “I can just imagine her saving damsels in distress all the time. Like a white knight.”

“I'm not a damsel!” Hux retorted. “But she'd love to hear you say that.”

“What about the others?”

Hux paused. Where to begin? “Well. The first one was when I first started school. I was only five, I had my hopes up, you know? He was...quite mean, actually. Made fun of me for all sorts of things from my name to my appearance to the fact that I had a boy's name on my wrist. Anything he could. So that was...” he let his sentence die, finishing it with a wave of his hand.

“Terrible,” Kylo sympathized, putting an arm around Hux and leaning more comfortably onto the couch.

“One was in college. She...well, I thought maybe it was a nickname. She just wanted free drinks and a one-night stand. Phasma had to help me out after that one too, it was a rough few weeks. Right after my mother passed.”

“I'm sorry,” Kylo murmured, stroking his arm comfortingly.

“And the last one...I knew he wasn't mine almost right away. Unless I was a Half. I was still in high school and he was at the same hospital as my mother. We became friends. Really good friends. He told me that being in love was worth it, even if it doesn't last. And he said someday I'd be happy.”

“Do you believe him?” Kylo asked seriously.

“I didn't at the time,” Hux admitted. “But now I think I understand. He was very wise for being so young. He died later that summer,” Hux's voice was almost at a whisper.

“That must've been hard,” Kylo hugged him to his chest.

“Yes,” he was quiet for a while. “But what about you, did you ever meet anyone you thought was yours?” Hux desperately wanted to know.

“Nope.”

“No? Not even a guess or hopeful moment or anything?” Hux asked incredulously.

“I've never even met someone with this name,” he said. “You said yours was common, right? So I had the opposite problem.”

“Yes. So it was hard to tell if someone could be my Match or not, with Halves, you know. They could be mine but I'm not theirs,” Hux fidgeted with his bracelet, then moved his hands to rest atop Kylo's.

“Exactly. That's part of why I don't really believe in Matches. It doesn't really seem fair that some people have such an easy time finding them and some people never do. So why not make our own choices?”

Hux hadn't really thought anyone could do that, but then again he supposed he already was, being with Kylo.

Hux told Kylo about his mother, about how his father had someone else. He told Kylo how he didn't understand why fate would be so cruel. He explained that he had decided that if he had someone's name that didn't have his, he wouldn't force them to stay. He would just try to ignore them altogether to save himself from the pain he saw his mother internalize. He talked about his old plans if someone had his name but he didn't have theirs, how he wasn't sure if he'd want to know but he would give them the choice of what they wanted while giving up his own pursuits. He already had given up on his own chances, so he might as well try to make them happy if that was what they wanted.

Hux said that there were times that he desperately had wished that no one had his name because he was afraid that he would end up like his father. Kylo seemed very sad about Hux's bleak outlook for himself, but he said that he understood.

Hux admitted that everything had changed since meeting Kylo.

Kylo, in turn, talked about his father. How they had never gotten along. How his mother and father were Matches, a Perfect Match with lucky last names and everything, but that they fought all the time. Kylo talked about how that made him lose hope in Matches early in life, wondering if they even were real. He talked about his mother's sadness that he only had a single name on his wrist instead of a full name. How his father had pitied him for how unlikely it would be to find someone with such a unique name. How it had made his father think Kylo would never be happy and telling him so, adding to his resentment of the man. How his father didn't encourage him. He talked about how his father was almost never around, even though he and his mother claimed to love each other. How Kylo never felt good enough.

They talked late into the night, getting quiet at the sad realizations and murmuring words of comfort and understanding. They ended up in Kylo's large bed, wrapped under the heavy duvet, holding each other gently and tracing over each others' arms with tender strokes of tentative fingertips. They fell asleep together, tucked in the blankets with their arms wrapped around each other. Hux's last thought before he fell asleep was a desperate wish that he had been born with the name Kylo Ren on his pale wrist.

 

Waking up in Kylo's bed felt like the most natural thing in the world. Hux felt entirely well rested, despite the emotionally tiring conversation the night before, and he was convinced he had slept better than he ever had because he slept in Kylo's arms. Kylo was so warm and he was hard and soft in all the right places. Comfortable. Hux snuggled into the warmth, happily content.

Until, that is, one of Kylo's feet touched him.

His feet were _freezing._ Hux jumped away before he could process it. How was it even possible that the man who felt like a furnace in the blankets could have feet like ice? He needed to get Kylo some socks. Kylo's chilly feet snuck back between Hux's calves as Kylo continued to sleep, seeking out his meager warmth. Hux sighed, giving in. He supposed he got the better end of the deal anyway, getting Kylo's warmth for his whole body. The least he could do was reciprocate where he was able. He began to pet Kylo's hair gently, watching him as he slept. All lines of tension gone, peaceful, soaking in the warmth of sleep and the comfort of affectionate touches. Hux pressed a gentle kiss to his hairline, soft locks tickling his nose.

He loved this man. He was certain of it. And he hoped to God that the feeling could stay forever.

He knew things were serious. The time they spent together wasn't just pointless dates. He wondered maybe if fate was wrong, if he had been born with the wrong name on his wrist. If they both had been. It seemed impossible. But maybe fate didn't matter. Maybe, after everything he had gone through in life trying to follow what he thought was meant to be, maybe he could decide for himself.

\- - -

Hux unlocked his door at a text from Kylo saying he was just outside, returning to his kitchen to set the timer on the oven. He heard Ren let himself in.

“Hey, Hux,” he called out. He sounded a bit hesitant. Hux figured that was because he wasn't in the room.

“I'm in here. Dinner is almost ready.”

“I um...” Kylo trailed off, stopping in the doorway to the kitchen. “I got your mail. I think. It was by your door.”

Hux glanced up to see Kylo staring at two or three envelopes in his hands. “Oh, thank you. Just put them on the coffee table or something,” he said, turning back to the stove to stir a pot.

After a moment, Hux looked up to see that Kylo hadn't really moved. He was staring at the envelopes still, tracing a finger across the front, with a ridiculous expression on his face. Hux told him so. Kylo looked up then, almost startled, but shrugged as the look stayed on his face.

Hux thought it was weird, but not the weirdest thing Kylo had done, so he went back to cooking.

“Brendol?”

Hux froze. It was weird, hearing it come from Kylo in his quiet, soft, deep voice. He sounded almost nervous. It made Hux's chest feel funny, so he decided he didn't like it.

“That's not my name,” he snapped, a little more viciously than he intended.

Kylo's eyes widened a bit. “But it says-”

“I know what it says! I'm Hux. Just Hux. I don't use that name. I told you before, it was my father's.” Hux looked down. He had intended for this to be a nice evening and now-

Kylo was grinning, and that only confused Hux more. “What are you so happy about? It's just my water bill,” Hux glared, snatching the envelopes from Kylo's hands and dropping them onto his countertop a little too harshly.

“It's just...your name,” Kylo started, stuttering over his words. Oh. That was what this was. Of course Kylo was laughing at his name. Hux felt his anger rising. He had a stressful day at work, he had lost his grocery list, and he had accidentally deleted an important email already that day, he didn't have the time or patience to deal with this.

“ _Don't._ ” Hux meant to sound angry, but the words just came out tired. “I know it's a stupid name but don't make fun of me, Kylo Ren. I've had enough of that before.”

Kylo sobered instantly, hands dropping from where he was fidgeting with his bracelet now flapping about worriedly as he rushed over to Hux with frantic explanations. “I swear, Hux, that's not what I-” he took a step back at Hux's slight flinch from the sudden movement. “Hux, I'm sorry.”

And Kylo looked so _so_ sad. Almost frightened. Like he thought he had scared Hux. He felt his anger evaporate. Hux took two steps forward, wrapping his hands around Kylo's waist, leaning his head on his chest. Kylo hesitated a moment and then his hands found their way onto Hux's back, gently rubbing. Hux sighed contentedly into the embrace, gestures doing more than words could.

“Thank you, Kylo,” he mumbled into his soft shirt. Kylo's fingers rubbed small circles into his shoulders and Hux felt himself relaxing, leaning more heavily onto Kylo.

“Your shoulders are tense,” Kylo sounded regretful.

Hux hummed lightly. “I had a long day at work. Just got two new projects. I have to draw up schematic plans for the interiors next week. But it's the weekend now.”

“I...I could fix them?” Kylo asked tentatively, his hopeful quiet voice causing Hux's heart to ache. “I don't know what all of that meant with the plans. I just know that you're hurting and I want to fix it.”

“You most certainly are welcome to try.”

“Now? Or- or will the food...?” Dinner was the last thing on either of their minds as they sought out each others' comfort. Hux reluctantly let go to turn off the stove and change the oven settings.

“There. It can wait.” He took Kylo's hand and led him to his bedroom a little shyly, “there's...there's more room here, so I thought...” he let the sentence trail off.

Kylo nodded a little stiffly. “Um. Here. Lay down and I could. Um.”

Hux grabbed one of his pillows and lay on his stomach. “Is this-”

“Yeah,” he felt Kylo sit next to him as he interrupted, and then those large warm hand were on his shoulder blades again. His strong fingers sought out Hux's knots and tense spots expertly, pressing small circles into his neck, more pressure on the edges of his spine, careful touches along his shoulders.

Hux couldn't stop the small sighs from escaping. Kylo was fixing knots he was sure had been there for years. Hux hadn't felt so relaxed in so long.

“Is this ok?” Kylo murmured.

“This is perfect you're perfect oh gods,” Hux slurred, sentences running together. He was convinced Kylo's hands were magical. They smoothed away knots he didn't even know he had.

After a while the touches turned to more gentle caresses, just stroking over Hux's back and arms, occasionally running through his hair.

“I hate that we don't Match,” Hux mumbled.

Kylo's hands only faltered for a moment. Hux mentally commended him for it. He hadn't meant to make the comment out loud but it had just slipped out of his mouth in his contented state.

“It doesn't matter to me,” Kylo said quietly. “I wouldn't want anyone else.”

“I wouldn't either, I just...I don't know,” Hux sighed. “Why _would_ you want to be with me?” he asked, sitting up. His self-invalidation was getting the better of him. Kylo seemed to understand the question, but worried himself needlessly further, looking afraid that maybe Hux wouldn't want him in return. Hux hated himself for causing that look on Kylo's face.

“Hux, don't say that. You have to know how I feel. I wouldn't choose anyone but you. Please.”

“Why me, if you're going to let yourself choose? If you've never even thought about anyone else. I mean, I'm not a good choice. I'm mean and awkward and I don't know what I'm doing and I work too much and I only have one friend besides you. I'm hardly a good option.”

“Because I want to, Hux. You're selling yourself way too short. I want to be with you. I want you. More than anything else I've ever wanted in my whole life.”

Hux felt his heart speeding up. If this wasn't meant to be, then why did it feel so right?

Kylo looked down and Hux saw that the tips of his ears were turning pink where they stuck out from his hair. “I think we could work. I'd be good to you, Hux,” he mumbled, like there was any chance of disagreement.

“I don't doubt that, Kylo, but-” Hux was quickly losing track of why he was protesting in the first place with the way that Kylo was looking up at him with searching eyes.

“You can't honestly say that you don't feel anything back.”

“I...It doesn't matter what I feel,” Hux said weakly, resigned.

Kylo fixed him with a look of such intensity he wasn't sure if he could move. “It _does_. It matters more than anything.” His large hands gripped Hux's shoulders far more gently than Hux expected and he could feel Kylo trembling with emotion.

Hux reached up with a single hand, threading it into Kylo's hair and holding him close. Hux's eyes fell shut as he took in a shuddering breath. “I think I've accidentally fallen in love with you,” he whispered, feeling his eyes burn with tears but he would not, could not let them fall. Would not, could not open his eyes to see Kylo's reaction right in front of him. He was afraid. So afraid.

But then Kylo's lips were on his in the most tender kiss they had shared, slow and soft, just gentle presses of warm lips moving over each other.

“I love you too, Hux. I love you so much.”

Hux wasn't sure if he was pulling Kylo back or if Kylo was leaning him down, but Hux felt his back press into his pillows as Kylo rolled over him more fully. He was holding himself up somehow, still managing to be slightly touching Hux while keeping his weight off of him. Hux pulled on his shoulders until he relaxed. Hux felt safe under the warm weight of Kylo.

They stayed, gently kissing the sadness and uncertainty away.

\- - -

Brendol Hux is 30 years old when he truly falls in love. And when he makes the biggest mistake of his life.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. That last bit is basically a preview for chapter 11. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Plus meeting one of Kylo's students!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everything is inadvertently Poe Dameron's fault. (Though not in the way you'd expect)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.

Brendol Hux is 30 when he truly fell in love.  
He is 30 when he makes the biggest mistake of his life.

\- - -

Coffee with Kylo had evolved into a ritual, even when they were already spending time together at either's apartment. Hux had just returned from ordering (finally getting Kylo to let him buy the coffees for once) to sit at their usual table Kylo had grabbed. Kylo looked up from where he was frantically typing something on his phone.

“Hey I'm going to have to run by one of my students' houses, he's got a concert tomorrow and wanted one more lesson,” Kylo said regretfully.

“Oh, ok. Well you could come by afterwards if you'd like, or I'll see you tomorrow?”

Kylo chewed his lip a moment. “You should come with me.”

“What?”

“Poe won't mind, he won't stop asking me questions about you anyway, I think he thinks that I made you up.”

Hux knew that he must look bewildered.

“Yeah. You should come. You let me come by your office to watch you design that building last week, so why not?” Kylo looked almost nervously eager. Hux didn't want to disappoint him, but-

“Won't I be in the way? A distraction?”

“No!” Kylo reassured him quickly. “You could just listen. And you could watch me play,” he added hopefully, a bit shy as the tips of his ears flushed.

Hux took a sip of his now-customary caramel coffee (all Kylo's fault) and considered. He _had_ always wanted to see Kylo play. “What instrument?”

Kylo looked up and grinned, and Hux knew he had already agreed to go along without even saying so. “Cello.”

Hux was intrigued. “Alright.”

“Great! We just need to run by my place and grab a few things.”

 

Hux watched as Kylo darted around his apartment, movements far too deft for a man of his size. He shoved a few things into the two pockets of Hux's coat that he still managed to have kept before easily picking up a cello case from where it leaned against one of his bookshelves.

“Oh Hux, can you grab the Saint-Saens there?”

Hux blinked. “The what?”

“On the coffee table,” Kylo nodded at the stack of sheet music. “It should be on top. Just stick it in that folder there and if you wouldn't mind carrying it?”

Hux found the music and did as instructed, walking alongside Kylo to his student's house.

A boy of about thirteen opened the door, eyes brightening when he saw Kylo.

“Kylo!”

“Hey, Poe,” Kylo smiled back.

“Who's this?” Poe looked at him curiously.

“This is Hux,” Kylo answered smugly before Hux could respond.

“Oh. You _are_ real.”

“I certainly hope so,” Hux said, bemused. “I assure you whatever Kylo has said about me probably isn't true.”

Poe grinned. “He wouldn't tell me anything! Only that he had a hot boyfriend now so I should stop trying to set him up with my teachers.”

Hux couldn't stop his laugh.

Kylo grimaced. “Well it's true. Come on, Poe, show me how your solo's coming along.”

Poe was quite gifted at the cello, Hux learned, as he watched the boy play through different sections Kylo pointed out. Hux wasn't all that familiar with the piece, but he didn't notice any wrong notes or hesitation.

Perhaps it was unfair, since the boy was only thirteen, but everything paled in comparison to when Kylo sat down to play through the piece. He wrapped himself around the cello, practically dwarfing the instrument, as he launched himself into his performance. Hux noticed that Poe was dutifully paying attention, making small notes in his music, but Hux himself was completely enraptured by Kylo's every move and every note drawn from the bow in his hand. It was like watching a masterpiece painting come to life.

Hux felt a little warm. He would have to get Kylo to play for him again. Alone. At one of their apartments. Yes. He busied himself with answering some emails on his phone while Poe went back through the section one more time then carefully packed his instrument up.

“Are you Matches?” he heard Poe ask Kylo. Hux tensed but pretended not to hear, pretended not to feel Kylo's eyes on him as he could practically hear the defiant smile in Kylo's voice.

“I'm not his Match,” Kylo said conspiratorially. “But I love him.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Hux saw Poe frown. “You can't love someone who isn't your Match.”

Hux felt his heart sink like it was replaced with heavy lead. Like a punch in the gut. This was the way things would always be. His bliss had made him ignorant. He didn't even hear Kylo's response as his heart pounded in his ears. He could feel his panic rising but pretended to be completely engrossed in his phone. He wouldn't break down, not here.

“Ready?” Kylo's voice right in his ear startled him from his train of thought.

“Oh. Yes. It was nice meeting you Poe,” Hux said his goodbyes.

“You too,” Poe smiled at him and Hux struggled to return it.

On the way back to Kylo's apartment, Hux remained silent. He didn't mean to, he wanted nothing more than to joke along with Kylo, walking happily down the sidewalks. But he couldn't stop thinking about what Poe had said. It wouldn't work. Couldn't work.

“Hux?” Kylo looked concerned. Hux looked up at him, apologetic expression on his face. He had apparently missed a question. “You're upset about something,” Kylo observed after a moment, a frown creasing his face, erasing the happy smiles that were just there. Hux hated that he caused them to go away.

“No, no, I just,” he sighed. There really was no point in hiding it.

“Did I do something?”

“No, really, it isn't you.”

“'It's not you it's me?'” Kylo joked. Hux didn't laugh. “Hey. You're making me nervous, now.”

Hux grimaced.

“Oh. It's what Poe said, isn't it?”

Hux gave a non-committal shrug.

“Because you heard me, it doesn't matter, we don't have to Match to-”

“It's always going to be like this,” Hux interrupted quietly. “Most people are going to say the same thing. Or say we're making a mistake. Or that we're wasting our time. Or that we'll find our Matches someday, this is just a phase,” his words sped up as he choked to get them out, fears escaping him before he could even understand what he was saying.

“But...you don't believe that,” Kylo sounded uncertain.

“It doesn't matter,” Hux snapped. “We'll constantly have to deal with things like that. Forever.”

Kylo stared at him for a minute. Hux fought back tears. He realized there really was no chance for them at all if neither of them had each others' name. It just didn't feel fair, not when he felt so strongly about him, about anything for the first time in his life. He knew things like this happened to people but he couldn't have ever imagined how much it hurt. Matches were a curse, he was convinced now more than ever. And maybe fate never meant for him to be happy, bringing him to no less than four disastrous Bens and Kylo. Kylo, who he _loved._ But _shouldn't._ It tore at something deep within his chest.

“Hey. It's ok,” Kylo said softly.

“Is it?” Hux snarled, Kylo's gentleness angering him further. “Is there even hope for either of us? At least some people have common enough names that they'll both be able to find someone that has theirs but, really, how impossible is it going to be to find someone with Kylo Ren or Brendol Hux tattooed on their wrist?! So we managed to find each other, and it doesn't matter how much we can tell people that, they'll just insist we're making a mistake!”

Kylo was silent for a moment, a little stunned looking. But then again, Hux had always controlled his outbursts. He looked almost afraid. Hux hated that Kylo could be afraid of him.

“We aren't Matches, Kylo.” Hux said sadly. It used to not matter. But now it hurt. Hux felt like a moth fluttering towards a flame; the light would burn you out.

Kylo made an odd sort of noise.

“Hux, please, what are you saying,” Kylo said flatly, swallowing thickly.

“I don't know if this is a good idea,” Hux's mouth formed the words slowly. They didn't feel like his own.

“So you don't...you don't want me?” Kylo sounded so weak.

“Kylo I have very strong feelings for you. You know that. But fate always messes everything up and you saw how it was,” Hux's voice broke. He couldn't look at Kylo. “You know this will always happen. I don't want you to be hurt when things fall apart.”

“But this. _This_ is hurting me, Hux!”

Hux flinched, eyes closing. He felt Kylo take a step back. He didn't mean to imply he was afraid of Kylo, but maybe that was for the best. Maybe that would help.

“Hux...I-I can't-”

“It's never going to work, Ren.” Kylo reeled back as if Hux had slapped him. “Why delay the inevitable.”

Hux turned and walked away. He couldn't look back. He couldn't stop. Hux didn't cry. He felt cold.

He heard a smash of a hand against a brick wall and a sobbed curse far behind him but he couldn't turn around.

 

Hux felt numb as he walked alone back to his apartment. He felt numb as he climbed the stairs and locked the door behind him, sinking to the floor as he leaned against it.

What had he done?

\- - -

Days passed. Hux wasn't sure how many. He went to work, he went back to his apartment, everything passed in a daze. It threw him off to be so suddenly alone. More than once he woke up thinking Kylo was there beside him, but when he rolled over he found nothing but a cold bed. He still hadn't cried, feeling more numb than anything.

He wondered if that had been his last chance at happiness and he had completely ruined it, destroying it himself this time. Maybe that was why it hurt so much more than any of the Bens, because this time it had been entirely his doing. And maybe he shouldn't have been around Kylo in the first place, as soon as he knew they didn't Match. But he couldn't have resisted the way he was drawn to the man.

His heart ached and he wondered if it truly did hurt less now than it would have if things had gone on longer.

And with a sinking feeling, he began to question himself. He had been wrong, hadn't he?

But he knew it had to be too late.

\- - -

Brendol Hux is 30 when he made the worst mistake of his life. And when his best friend comes to the rescue.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up in 12: Phasma comes to smack some sense into Hux. Has Kylo given up? Can things be fixed? 
> 
> Chapter 12 will be posted by the end of July


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux has a breakdown, Phasma intervenes and gives him an ultimatum, Hux texts Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Hux basically has a panic attack in this part

Hux passed his time trying to be productive. He had deep cleaned his entire apartment four times since the...incident. And that had been a month ago. He sighed to himself as he set up his ironing board and pulled the laundry basket closer. These days, he was ironing everything from his work clothes to his socks. It made him feel in control and orderly. It also served as a bit of a distraction from his feelings that he was still trying to avoid.

He was lonely. He would admit that. He knew everyone felt lonely after a break-up. But the gnawing ache in his chest was something he was unprepared for. Hux figured that most people would be a mess in a situation similar to his, but if anything, he was more efficient than ever. He threw himself into his housework and his work at the architecture office as well, taking on many new projects and completing them faster than he ever had before.

Although, the diligence to work may have been caused from a certain occurrence that had happened when he was distracted: Hux had looked down one day at work to see that he had sketched out some basic blueprints to Kylo's apartment. He stared at them for a while, feeling a lump in his throat, then quickly discarded the designs. He made sure that he hadn't thought of it since, and that he stayed focused on all of his other projects.

Hux noticed that he fidgeted with his bracelet more often. Almost hourly. He realized that with Kylo, he only messed with it when he was upset or worried about their future. He noticed that he checked his stove and lights and his faucets even more often than he already had. His locks. His windows. His alarm clocks. He spent more time ironing than normal, not because he had more creases or wrinkles but because he kept adding more items. He was even ironing his underwear at this point, and he never had before.

Late in the night, alone in his apartment, Hux felt the emotions creeping back in, too tired to keep them at bay. He hated being alone; things always were worse when he was alone. But he couldn't bring himself to do anything about it. He had ruined things with Kylo, he was certain of that. And for the past month he had been making sure not to run into the man anywhere. He stopped getting coffee one week after the incident because the instant he had walked into the coffeeshop and smelled the familiar brews, he felt sick. He even considered changing the day that he went to visit his mother, but instead reverted back to the original time of day he had visited her grave before he met Kylo Ren. He told himself that it was more convenient to his schedule, but in his heart he knew that he wouldn't be able to handle seeing Kylo again.

He sighed again as he purchased his regular flowers for his mother. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately, he realized, as he took his measured steps through the silent cemetery. Everything was the same, everything accounted for and normal. Except.

Except, this time, there was already a small bouquet of flowers in the stand by his mother's tombstone. Two, actually, now that he was looking more closely as he approached the grave.

The one in the stand was similar to the arrangement he tended to get, a bright mix of happy flowers that varied by the season. It looked as if whoever left them there had tried very hard to replicate Hux's normal tendencies. They had also cleared any debris, fallen leaves, and old flowers. Hux was confused. Shocked. A bit thankful. A bit suspicious. Who would be visiting his mother? When had they come by? The flowers looked fresh, it couldn't have been more than a day.

The second bouquet was a very small one, wrapped in a simple ribbon tie and leaning against the side of the gravestone. Tiny blue flowers branching off of shared stems, slightly bent from hours spent leaning on the cold stone. Still vibrant in their hue but more subdued and soft. Hux lightly traced a finger over the edges of the petals. There was a letter attached. A small rectangular envelope with a corner tucked under the ribbon. The front simply said 'Hux.'

After staring for who knows how long, Hux reached a shaking hand out to the small flowers and letter. They were forget-me-nots. He wasn't sure if the flower-leaver knew their meaning, besides the basic one implied by their title, but the small blue flowers also meant undying love, loyalty despite challenges, and a connection that lasts through time. Hux didn't have to open the letter to know who it was from. He was a bit angry and touched at the same time, and he couldn't understand why.

He sank to the ground, fingers fidgeting on the flap of the envelope, a bit creased and bent around the corners. It had no doubt been in one of Kylo's pockets. He traced the letters on his mother's marker, begging for strength, before opening the envelope and unfolding the paper inside.

_Hux,  
I'm assuming you don't want to talk to me, seeing as it's been weeks, but I just wanted to try. My schedule is different now, I just thought you might want to know. I have a few new students and two others have moved, so now I'm free on Thursday evenings instead. In case you came by. Just to let you know I'm not ignoring you, I'm actually just not there. Not to assume you came by. Sorry. I haven't tried texting or calling but I figured you wouldn't answer. But I thought maybe you might read this. Or maybe since you can't ignore and delete paper. Although I guess you could rip or burn it. And here's where you would have told me to shut up and stop rambling. Damn I miss you, Hux. Please. _

_I think I'm lost without you._

_-Kylo_

He finished with his phone number “just in case.”

Hux traced over the words on the crinkled paper, reading the disjointed thoughts and ramblings of Kylo. There were so many feelings coursing through him all at once, so many emotions that he didn't understand. How could he be so in love with someone who wasn't his Match? And still need them just as much after all this time? The letter, along with the flowers, made Hux feel entirely overwhelmed and lost. He knew that Kylo had to know, had to be completely aware of what he was doing. He wouldn't have ever dared to hope, but here it all was, right in front of him. And it scared him to death.

He folded the paper, carefully tucking it into his pocket, before taking it back out to read it. To make sure that it was real. He was shaking, he realized, and it was getting hard to breathe. He blinked back tears as he stood up, briskly walking down the path. He had to get out of there, had to get home. His fingers felt numb and every breath he took didn't feel like enough air. When the sky opened up and the rain began to pour, he barely noticed, continuing his quick pace to his apartment, tears beginning to leak from his eyes to mix with the raindrops on his cheeks.

His apartment door shut behind him and he sank to the ground, dripping wet. He couldn't make it the few steps to the couch as the sobs were wrenched from his chest. He cried as he hadn't cried before, years of pent-up emotions and all of his heartbroken feelings from the past few weeks coming out all at once. It was the second time Hux had cried in his adult life, and it seemed that the few times that he did cry he made up for the years of dry eyes in between. The sobs came out of him in waves again and again as he wrapped his arms around himself.

'I'd be good to you, Hux,' he remembered and oh god how it hurt. He didn't doubt Kylo's statement for an instant, and that was what was so painful. He knew Kylo would be. He knew Kylo was everything he could have ever wanted. More than he could have ever dreamed of. So why did fate do this? Why did fate want to keep them apart? They wouldn't be able to stay together. Even with their amazing short time together, it would just make it hurt all the more if they came back together only to be forced apart again.

Hux had never felt such an ache in his heart, and he had been the once to cause the pain himself. All of it had been his own doing. He desperately wished he could take back what he said to Kylo, wished that he could have just tried and found a way for things to work without ripping everything apart. With the Bens, everything had all been circumstantial and not up to him. But this, this had been entirely his own fault. And he knew how awful Kylo must be feeling. Kylo, who had slowly opened up to him, who had trusted him with personal things. Kylo, who taught him how to laugh and smile again. Kylo, who was always there, always loving and kind. Kylo, who promised to always be there for him, to take care of him, to love him. Kylo, who had never had anyone else.

Hux's heart was more of a sharp pain in his chest. What had he done? What had he done. He sobbed and his lungs hurt. The tears were burning on his cheeks. He cried and cried until there were no tears left in his eyes, and he clutched at himself, still trembling on the wet floor by his door.

He stumbled into his bathroom, wanting to splash some water on his face and to get a towel to clean up the puddles. He caught sight of himself in the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot and red and puffy. His mouth felt dry and his lips were chapped. He had salt drying on his cheeks, freckles being overwhelmed by the tear streaks and redness. His hair was a complete mess and his hands were still shaking. His nose was quickly becoming an issue as he sniffed deeply and ran a hand over his face. His head hurt. A glance at his clock told him that it was well into the early hours of the morning.

There was a small pang in his chest when he realized that Kylo still had that coat that he had stolen from Hux. The one he had said smelled like him. He sighed and ran another hand through his disheveled hair. He missed Kylo Ren. He missed him so much. And it hurt, like burning in ice cold flames.

He made it as far as his couch, not feeling like he was able to put in the effort to even mop up the sopping water in front of his door, not able to pull off his wet clothes or try to dry his hair. He sniffled again as he heard a knock on his door. Strange, for three in the morning. He ignored it.

“Hux,” Phasma called through the locked door. “I know you're awake, your lights are on.”

Part of him desperately wished for Phasma in that moment, for her thoughts and her comfort, her perfect advice. And part of him didn't want her to see him like this again.

“Come on, Hux. It's me. Let me in.” Hux stood up with a sigh and made his way over to the door. He placed a hand on the doorknob, resting his forehead against it, trying to make himself open it.

“Originally I thought maybe you and Kylo had just locked yourselves in there for a few days but it's been way too long for that to still be going on, unless I completely underestimated you, in that case I'm sorry, but really Hux, I'm getting worried now, I-”

Hux pulled open the door, unable to listen any longer, opening it all the way and just staring at her. He didn't know what to say.

“Oh gods. What happened to you? I was worried that maybe- but then I didn't want to assume...Hux what happened?”

Hux sniffled in response, head pounding. He lifted his hands miserably into a sort of shrug, grimacing at himself.

Phasma stepped in, shutting the door behind her. She poured Hux a glass of water, taking in his soaked and cried-out appearance. “I'm going to make us some tea, and you're going to change out of those soaking clothes into something warm. Then we're going to sit down and you're going to talk to me, Hux,” she ordered gently.

Hux sniffled pitifully and shuffled his way into his bedroom to find some dry clothes.

He sat down on his couch, tucking his hands into his sleeves as Phasma handed him a lightly steaming mug.

“It must've been bad, you've been stress-cleaning,” she tried to tease.

Hux just nodded.

“Did he dump you?”

Hux shook his head and tears welled up in his eyes again. “It's all my fault.” He took a breath and explained everything to Phasma, pouring out his heart. He told her everything they had said to one another. He showed her the flowers and the note. He told her how he ended things, how Kylo had punched the wall, how he didn't turn back, how he was just now crying about it. “I just feel like I'm falling apart,” he ended, sniffling.

“Hux, I know crying is healthy, but this is the first time you've cried about it and it's been weeks. This is the first time you've cried in many years, I know that for a fact. You're not ok, this is the most disheveled I've ever seen you, and I know how you feel about Kylo.”

Hearing his name hurt. “We had our chance but it's over. I ruined it. I said such stupid things, Phas.”

“It's not, Hux. Clearly there's something still there if he wrote you that letter.” She said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Don't let what someone said ruin this for you. It doesn't matter what other people think or say. What you had was real.”

“But everyone-”

“Hux.” She cut him off sternly. “You're stronger than that and you know it. You're usually so good at not letting people get to you. That boy loves you. I know it. You know it. He knows it. Don't be stupid and don't do this to yourself or to him. I know that you love him back. And screw fate, Hux. If something happens later, then it'll happen, but I think you can make it through whatever life throws at you. You're strong. Especially with someone by your side to help. He's good for you.”

Hux managed a watery smile, just a small upturn of his lips.

“He made you happy, Hux. I'd never seen you so happy before.”

“We...we can't-”

“You _can.”_ Phasma sighed. “Hux. It really is ok for you two to be together. You broke your own heart and his, but you can fix this. Since Kylo's been gone, you've gone back into your robotic ways, your OCD has gotten worse, you've been ridiculously cleaning your apartment too much, I can tell. It's not good for you. Kylo was good for you. Don't give up, Hux. If Kylo is who I think he is, who I've come to know as well, he won't have given up so easily.”

“He...he hasn't tried to call me or anything. He didn't follow me...I've ruined everything.”

“Stop wallowing, Hux. He said why he hadn't in the letter. Honestly, that part's on you, you were the one who walked away.”

“Thanks, Phasma,” he said sarcastically.

“You're welcome, Huxxy dearest,” she replied in kind. “See, you're getting some of your bite back. So I'm going to give you a mission. An ultimatum, if you will. He gave you his number again and a day of the week he's able to meet up. I'm giving you one week to text him or something, to reach out in some way, or I'm going to do it for you. And you won't like how I do it. But it actually has to be an effort on your part, no walking near his apartment and claiming not passing each other on the sidewalk was an attempt. So text, call, drop by, something. I'll check in with you at the end of the week. But you have to do it. Or I'm going to steal your phone and text him cheesy love poems on your behalf. So help me, Hux, I'll even claim that you wrote them if I have to.”

\- - -

Wednesday night found Hux staring at his phone. He had spent a long time gathering up courage, typing out messages and deleting them, rephrasing them, contemplating the words. But he knew, deep in his heart, that he had to try. He had to reach out to Kylo. And he would walk through the fire, if that was what it takes.

He read the letter over and over again, folding and re-folding the paper. He had opened and closed that letter so many times that it was becoming weak. It had only been a short amount of time too.

He stared at his phone for what felt like hours. He typed out the message with one finger, not efficient at all, but it helped him stall for time. It was getting late. He was glad that Kylo had the same phone number, a bit surprised that he had assumed Hux didn't have his number anymore, but then again he supposed most normal people would have deleted it by now.

His finger hovered over the send button, Kylo's name and awkward picture staring up at him from his screen. He hadn't looked at Kylo's picture in weeks, the image too painful, and now staring at it was all he could do. He missed him so much.

'Kylo?' was all the text said. It was pathetic and short and didn't put in any of the thoughts Hux had, but he had to make sure the other man was there and getting the messages and planned to reply before he could pour his heart out and apologize in text form. He closed his eyes and hit send.

Then he jumped off his couch and began to pace his living room. He couldn't bear to look at the phone. He almost regretted the question mark, but he couldn't take it back. He counted his steps as the minutes ticked by, heart nearly pounding out of his chest. One minute. Two. Five. And then, his phone buzzed. He jumped. Then he froze, terrified. But what if it was Phasma, what if it was work, what if it was important. He hesitated, then swiped his phone open.

A single text was waiting. From Kylo Ren. Just as simple in reply as Hux had been in his message. 'Hi Hux' was all it said. He hated that you couldn't read tone through text. There was no punctuation and Hux was almost grateful, a period would have been too serious and a question or exclamation mark just wouldn't do.

Hux let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding, a bit of a laugh and a bit of a sob. He saw that Kylo was typing and decided to wait to reply, watching the little dots on the bottom of the screen.

'I wasn't sure if you'd actually text me'

'I did' Hux sent. 'I got your flowers' he paused for a moment 'and your letter' he added.

He watched as Kylo was typing. Then erased it. Typing. Then erased again. Then there was nothing. Hux was beginning to get concerned.

Then his phone lit up again. Kylo was calling him. He hesitated almost too long, then answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Hux,” Kylo said quietly. And oh how Hux had missed his voice. His eyes teared up.

“Hey. Hey, Kylo,” he replied.

“So-”

“I was wondering-” they spoke at the same time.

There was a huff of a laugh from Kylo's end “Sorry. You go first.”

Hux took a breath. “I...I was wondering if you were still free on Thursdays.”

“I am,” Kylo said and Hux could practically feel his relief through the phone.

“Would you happen to be available this Thursday?” Hux held his breath nervously.

“Yeah. Yeah I'm...yeah. Do you...do you want to come over? Is eight ok?” Kylo spoke quickly, like he was afraid Hux would change his mind in the time it took him to ask.

“Eight would be wonderful,” Hux replied.

“Wow. Ok. Um. Great. This Thursday, um...like...like tomorrow right?” he sounded nervous, deep voice stumbling through the simple words.

“Yes, if that's alright.”

“No that's great, that's perfect, I just wanted to make sure you didn't mean next week then I'd be here tomorrow,” Kylo mumbled.

Hux was taken aback for a moment. Was Kylo so busy? Was he intruding? Maybe he shouldn't have done this.

“You know,” Kylo continued. “So I don't think you're gone or something. So we don't have any confusion or whatever and miss each other.”

“Oh. No I'll...I'll see you tomorrow,” Hux said.

There was silence for a moment.

“This isn't just about your coat right?” Kylo asked quietly. “Because I'm really sorry I never gave it back, I just-”

“It's not about the coat,” Hux found himself smiling.

“It still smells like you,” Kylo said so quietly that his phone almost didn't pick it up.

Hux didn't know what to say. Their conversation faded to silence again.

“I missed you, Hux,” Kylo said finally.

“I missed you too,” Hux said honestly.

“Really?” Hux could hear Kylo's watery smile, emotions clearly coming through in his voice.

“Yes,” Hux confirmed.

“I'll...I'll see you tomorrow then, Hux?”

“Tomorrow,” Hux agreed.

Hux felt a single tear roll down his cheek. He wondered if it was out of relief. Maybe things could be fixed, if he was careful. Maybe everything would actually be ok. After all, he was seeing Kylo Ren in less than twenty four hours.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and sticking with me so far through this!  
> Coming up in 13: Hux goes to Kylo's. Crying of both the happy and sad variety, and kisses. Though not necessarily in that order. All good things.  
> 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux goes to see Kylo. He's early.

As soon as Hux had left his office, he frantically made his way back to his apartment to get ready to see Kylo for the first time in weeks. And he was panicking. His nerves were still reeling from the night before and he had so many emotions flowing through him it was hard to focus on what they even were.

He wished Phasma was there to help him calm down or decide what to wear or if he should comb his hair differently. But he'd have to do this on his own, whether he was prepared or not. He narrowed down his clothing choices to four shirts and two pairs of pants, and went about ironing them all to perfection. That helped him pass some of the time (which otherwise would just add to his anxiety) and made him feel productive.

By the time he had finished getting ready, double-checking and triple-checking his outfit, his teeth, his hair, he still had about an hour until he was expected at Kylo's. He tried to wait patiently but books weren't holding his interest, the TV was causing more stress, and there was nothing else he could clean. He caught himself pacing and fidgeting with the edges of his sleeves and his bracelet and his cuffs. Deciding being early was better than the wrinkles he was adding into his clothes, he decided to go ahead and walk to Ren's apartment. He would take the long way so that he'd only be about half an hour early instead. And he hoped that the walk would clear his head.

After a moment of hesitation, he tugged on Kylo's fingerless gloves that he had given him all those months ago. He hoped that they would bring him a bit of luck in all of this.

He arrived at the building faster than he intended as his steps had been quicker in his nervousness. The walk hadn't cleared his head at all, in fact, he had just walked the route in an anxious fog, only paying the sidewalks the barest bit of attention necessary.

He pulled the gloves off in the hallway as he warmed up and stopped a door and a half down from Kylo's. He walked past, then turned around and walked past again. He was _early,_ would that be ok? Was Kylo even home yet? He stopped in front of his door finally, trying to keep his breathing and heart rate under control. Looking down, he saw that there was a small pile of things by Kylo's door. It sufficiently distracted him as he realized that most of the pile was made of withered bouquets of flowers and crumpled papers. It was like Kylo had meant to throw them out and never made it past his door, or that someone was leaving them there for the man and they went ignored. Either way, it made Hux wonder if he should leave.

Even though he was more nervous than he ever had been, and part of him desperately wanted to leave and forget this whole thing, he managed to keep his feet still on Kylo's doormat. He raised a shaking hand to knock on the door, other hand tightly clutching the gloves.

Right before his hand made contact with the door, it opened. He froze, eyes wide, as Kylo pulled it open, looking equally as startled to see him. Hux gaped, trying to say a greeting, to say anything. Kylo dropped the objects in his hands, Hux didn't even know what they were.

“You-you're early,” Kylo said, voice higher than normal.

“Sorry,” Hux muttered. He moved his hand down from where it was still raised to knock on the door, feeling his cheeks heat up as he stared at Kylo. Both hands gripped the gloves now, having nothing else to do as he felt like his heart was going to explode.

“That's fine. Um. Come in,” Kylo stuttered out, moving out of the way and holding the door more open. “Sorry about the um...mess...” he gestured helplessly at the ground by the door and towards his living room.

Hux looked around a bit in shock, never having seen Kylo's apartment in such a state. Half of it was immaculately clean and looked like it was in the process of being set up for some sort of party and the other half was a complete wreck: papers strewn across every surface including the floor, upended furniture, and broken odds and ends. If Kylo was trying to clean up for a party, maybe he shouldn't stay long, Hux decided as he took in the arranged candles and tablecloth on his kitchen table. He could see that the oven was on and there were pots on the stove as well.

He swallowed hard as he returned his gaze to Kylo. Maybe he had misinterpreted things. Maybe it really was too late. He figured it would serve him right. It wasn't fair of him to have assumed things could go back to the way that they were.

“I said you could keep those,” Kylo said quietly, looking at the gloves Hux was still holding.

“Oh. I wasn't- I just-” Hux cleared his throat and tucked them in his pocket. Kylo looked a little appeased by the action. Hux took another look around Kylo's apartment, dread setting in more thoroughly. “I should go,” he said quietly, trying not to meet Kylo's eyes. “You're obviously busy.”

Ren looked entirely crestfallen and then utterly confused. “Wait, what?” He caught Hux's arm as he turned to leave, then dropped it hastily.

Hux gestured at the arranged table, letting his hand flop back down as he swallowed the lump in his throat. Kylo let out a nervous bark of a laugh and promptly stopped when Hux glared at him. “You're...you're serious?”

Hux merely raised an eyebrow, refusing to say anything should his voice give away his disappointment.

“Hux,” Kylo sighed. “This was for you.”

Hux looked up sharply, daring him to laugh, to say it was all a joke. “For me?”

“Really, Hux, who else?” Kylo said, sounding a bit pitiful.

“Your Match or something,” Hux muttered. He hated that he was being so stubborn, but his brain and his mouth weren't communicating properly. After all, it had been weeks. Anything could have happened in that time.

“Hux,” Kylo said, a weak, pleading, sigh. Hux just shrugged but he could feel his walls breaking down. He needed Kylo to keep talking, to keep promising. “I would never want anyone else. I mean that, Hux.”

“That's not how it works,” Hux mumbled before he could stop himself. He was just starting to doubt that that was true.

Kylo bit his lip and took in a breath, looking like he was composing himself. “Those flowers outside? Those were for you too. I...I bought some every week hoping that maybe you'd come back, maybe you'd change your mind and come by on the nights we were here instead of at your place. And I couldn't bring myself to throw them out. Not until you texted me and said you were coming. And the papers were letters I wasn't strong enough to send,” he admitted. “I was a wreck after that night. I broke a lot of my stuff,” Kylo nodded at his destroyed living room. “I was just able to start cleaning it too, without breaking anything else. It's been a long time since I've done that. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, Hux, I just- I feel so strongly about you, I need you to know that,” Kylo sighed.

Hux blinked at him, taking in his words and finding himself unable to speak. He almost couldn't believe what he was hearing, almost couldn't believe that he was getting another chance.

“I was hoping to impress you. Make you want to take me back. I was trying to cook and...and to make everything clean. I thought maybe-” he shook his head.

Kylo looked down at his feet, one toe scuffing lightly against the other foot. “For the first time in my life I remember being happy. Being loved,” he sniffled and Hux felt his heart break all over again, Kylo was crying. _Crying._ And he wanted to stop it, to help, but he couldn't move. “I...I fucking need you, Hux. I mean it. I love you. Don't you want me?”

Kylo looked up at him, looking more sad and crumpled than Hux had ever seen him. “Yes, but-” he cut himself off. He didn't want to contradict anything. He didn't want to say anything stupid again. “Kylo, I...” he trailed off again, words not coming out. Hux just felt scared, scared that it was too late for him in both senses at the same time, no matter how impossible that was. It was like he was on the very edge, about to fall, and not knowing what was at the bottom.

“Please...just...” Kylo tried to blink back his tears. “Just stay with me. You don't have to be alone, Hux.”

 _It shouldn't work_ Hux thought and tried to tell himself, even as he was disbelieving his own statement. He realized he had said it aloud as he looked at Kylo and Kylo looked back like Hux was holding the world in his hands, afraid the fragile thing would break.

Hux felt his eyes burning with unshed tears as he walked the few steps into Kylo's arms, crushing him tightly into a hug as he buried his face in Kylo's shoulder.

“Hey,” Kylo said hesitantly. “It's ok. This is ok. Just. Be happy,” he murmured.

After a few moments of soft words Hux had calmed down. He took a step back, still holding Kylo's shoulders. Meeting Kylo's gaze in all its seriousness, Hux decided there was no turning back now. If he truly was a moth drawn into the warm flame that was Kylo Ren, then he would burn so strongly and brightly with everything that he had, world be damned. He wouldn't hold back. Not anymore.

Hux shuffled towards him again, cupping Kylo's face gently and leaned forward, brushing their lips together. Kylo huffed out a breathy, teary sigh as Hux's thumbs wiped away his tears. He had missed this, and he could feel how much Kylo had too.

“Hux,” his name was barely audible but it was full of emotion.

“Hmm?”

“Do that again please?” Kylo whispered against his lips.

Hux smiled and obliged, soft kiss deepening into something more meaningful. And god, Kylo's sounds. Hux had never heard anything sweeter. He was so responsive to everything, like a man starved for affection as they kissed, and they kissed, and they kissed, never wanting to let go.

“I'm sorry,” Hux mumbled against his lips as he pulled back with only enough space to breath. “I'm so sorry.”

“It's alright now.” Kylo pressed another kiss to Hux's mouth, then let his lips travel over Hux's face, across his cheeks and jaw.

Hux felt tears that were not his own fall upon his cheeks. “You're...you're still crying,” he said softly, a question.

“I'm _happy,_ ” Kylo leaned their foreheads together, letting their noses brush. “I'm...”

Hux held him close, one hand on the back of Kylo's neck gently rubbing through his hair.

“ _Hux,”_ he sighed again.

“I know,” Hux murmured. And he did. Things finally felt fixed, complete, without a tension looming above them.

 

He helped Kylo clean the rest of his destroyed living room, stealing kisses and bumping shoulders playfully each time they walked past one another. Hux could practically feel Kylo's relief and elation every time their eyes met. He knew it had to be returned in his own gaze as well, as he could feel his heart beating giddily in his chest. Kylo was even singing along softly with the music he put on in the background, and Hux kept catching himself stopping to just listen. He busied himself with Ren's bookshelf, relishing in Kylo's happiness.

“I have something for you,” Hux said, getting a sudden idea. Kylo's attention fully turned on him as he slipped his keys out of his pocket. Hux unhooked his spare house key and looked down at it a moment before holding it out.

“Is that...” Kylo began, managing to look nervous and thrilled all at once.

“A key,” Hux said, then shook his head. That was a rather obvious statement. “ _My_ key...um...Just in case. In case you need me.”

Kylo stepped closer, taking the key carefully from Hux and holding it tightly in his hand. “I always need you, Hux.”

Hux felt his cheeks heat up at Kylo's sincerity. Instead of answering, he leaned up to press a chaste kiss to Kylo's smiling lips. It quickly turned into a lingering second kiss, and a third as Kylo wrapped his arms around him and Hux melted into the embrace.

Kylo began rocking him gently, swaying to the music as he hummed along. Hux could feel the vibrations in Kylo's chest as he clung to him. It may have been minutes or it may have been hours that passed, but by the time Hux looked up to kiss Kylo's soft lips he noticed that it was well past midnight.

“It's late,” Hux murmured.

“Yeah,” Kylo replied. Neither of them moved. Neither of them let go.

“Hux, can I...could I just hold you?” Kylo stopped their swaying, leaning back just enough to look into Hux's eyes.

Hux ran his hand through Kylo's hair, pulling him back for another tender kiss. “Please do.”

Kylo's hands slid down Hux's arms until his fingers intertwined with Hux's own. He walked backwards, leading Hux towards his bedroom, unable to let go or keep his eyes off of Hux.

He stopped in the doorway, looking slightly embarrassed as he glanced back at his bed. There, folded up on top of one of his pillows, was Hux's coat. Kylo ran a hand through his hair sheepishly and Hux could see that his ears were turning red.

“I- I was just-” Hux cut him off with a kiss to the tip of his nose.

“It's sweet.”

Kylo's lopsided grin made a reappearance as Hux looped his arms around his neck. “Now I do believe you promised to hold me,” Hux said as he brushed his nose against Kylo's.

He gave Hux one of his shirts to sleep in (that Hux would steal out of retaliation) and pulled him under the covers, nuzzling into his hair and breathing him in. “I missed you,” Kylo murmured.

Hux snuggled closer, tucking his head under Kylo's chin and pressing little kisses to his collar bones. Everything felt right. Everything felt perfect. And as they fell asleep, the best sleep either of them had had in weeks, Hux was thoroughly convinced that this was how the rest of his life was meant to be.

\- - -

Brendol Hux is 30 years old when he fully takes his life into his own hands.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised I would fix it!  
> Coming up in 14: Hux gives in to his feelings. Kylo has two surprises for Hux. I might change the rating ;) ;)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snapshots of fluff and happiness, Kylo and Hux like to solve teasing banter with kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a brief warning, things are kind of between Mature and Explicit for a part of this chapter. If you don't want to read that part, it starts when Kylo starts kissing Hux against his door. It's very soft though :)

“Hey, Hux,” Kylo greeted as he let himself into Hux's apartment, arms laden with takeout containers. He shut the door behind him with his foot and headed over to give Hux a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey yourself,” Hux smiled at him from his ironing board.

“What are you doing?” his head tilted as he set down the bags on Hux's counter and studied Hux's motions.

“Ironing. You may have heard of it. It's what you do to keep your clothes looking neat,” Hux sarcastically replied.

“Oh ha ha, very funny, Hux. I know what ironing is,” Kylo retorted. “I mean why are you ironing your socks?”

Hux became a bit flustered. He looked down at the perfectly flat pair of socks. “Well, they were a bit wrinkled, so-”

“They go on your feet, Hux, no one even sees them. Do you iron your underwear too?”

Hux mumbled, “if need be.” He had, in fact, just finished ironing his boxers before Kylo arrived. They were neatly folded in the basket by his feet. He nudged the basket a little further under the ironing board. What Kylo didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

Kylo looked as if he were about to laugh. “Please don't tell my you iron your shoelaces next.”

“Oh don't be ridiculous, Kylo, these shoes have rounded laces- oh.”

Kylo bumped his shoulder playfully. “Come on, leave your wrinkly socks. The food's getting cold.” He pressed a kiss to Hux's temple and pulled him into the kitchen.

 

Hux had bought ice cream to surprise Kylo, and Kylo was near ecstatic about that much to Hux's amusement. Until they began eating it. Then Kylo had begun to stare at Hux. It wasn't _that_ unusual, really, sometimes Kylo got really invested in things. But it was just dessert. He tried to ignore him and enjoy his own ice cream but when Kylo froze with the spoon halfway to his mouth, forgotten piece of ice cream falling back into the bowl, he raised an eyebrow at him.

Kylo flushed and shoved a spoonful in his mouth, trying to pretend to be very interested in his own bowl. Hux rolled his eyes and went back to his ice cream, licking a bit off the back of the spoon that he had missed.

Kylo made an odd choked sounding groan, and for a second Hux was concerned that he had inhaled a bit of it or gotten a brain freeze, but Kylo was just gawking at him.

“What,” Hux said flatly, mouth still against his spoon.

“That's- you-” Kylo stumbled over nonsensical words.

Hux's eyes narrowed a bit. He licked the spoon once more, carefully watching Kylo's expression. Hux had the pleasure of watching Kylo's entire face flush as he had pulled his hair back into a bun earlier. Kylo shifted and his ears turned red. Ah. So that's what this was about. Fine. He'd have some fun with Kylo.

“I'm not going to ask you again,” Hux replied, scooping another small bit of ice cream out of his bowl and licking it delicately.

“That's just obscene, Hux,” Kylo squeaked out.

Hux kept his embarrassed but pleased grin to himself. “Shut up, Kylo.” He shoved the spoon back into his bowl and pushed it away.

“Aw, come on, Hux, I didn't mean to make you stop eating,” Kylo looked regretful. Hux would take pity on him soon. But not yet.

“If it's so obscene, then why do you keep staring?” Hux scooted his chair next to Kylo's.

“I'm sorry, I just-” Hux cut him off with a kiss to his cheek, lips cold against the flushed skin.

“Oh hush. I'm just teasing you now,” he pressed a second kiss to Kylo's lips. “But really, its just ice cream, it's not anything special.”

Kylo mumbled something unintelligible and Hux barely restrained his snort of a laugh.

“Here,” Hux held his spoon out for Kylo.

They fed each other the rest of their ice cream between soft kisses that were just as sweet as the dessert they shared. Somehow Hux had ended up in Kylo's lap, spoons and bowls forgotten as they kissed the cold away from their lips.

Hux couldn't remember being happier in his entire life. Being with Kylo felt like it was meant to be. They worked together perfectly. They took care of each other. Hux was convinced that Fate had to have made a mistake with him, as they clearly belonged together. He couldn't imagine loving anyone as much as he loved Kylo.

Hux sighed happily into Kylo's lips as he buried his hands in his hair, loosening the sloppy bun. Kylo nibbled at his lower lip gently before soothing it over with his tongue.

“I love you,” Hux murmured, only pulling away the smallest amount necessary to get the words out.

Kylo's arms brought him even closer as they wrapped more tightly around him. “I love you too,” he whispered against Hux's lips. “I'll never get tired of hearing you say that,” he admitted, brushing his nose softly against Hux's.

“Good,” Hux agreed. “Because I won't get tired of saying it.” He held Kylo's face, running a hand through his hair to push it back before leaning down and capturing his lips once more.

\- - -

Another evening found Hux and Kylo reading on Kylo's couch. Well, Kylo was reading, and Hux was double-checking a stack of forms that his boss had given him earlier that week. Hux flipped another page as he tried to ignore Kylo setting his book down, long arms stretching as he got more comfortable. Apparently he was done reading for the night.

“Hux,” he said softly, wrapping an arm around him and pressing a kiss to his neck. “Are you almost done?”

“Trying to distract me will only make this take longer,” Hux mumbled half-heartedly, already feeling himself giving in to Kylo's soft touches.

“You've read it twice already,” Kylo complained, kissing along his jawline. “I counted.”

Hux just hummed at him, knowing his resolve was breaking. He sighed, eyes fluttering shut as Kylo's lips brushed over his ear. And suddenly, the papers were snatched from his hands.

“Kylo!”

Kylo held them straight up in the air, arm outstretched as high as he could go, using the few centimeters of height difference to his advantage.

Hux lunged for them and Kylo caught him around the middle with his other arm as Hux's fingertips were just barely grazing the bottom of the papers.

Hux's eyes narrowed. “Fine.” He pressed himself against Kylo until they were leaning back against the armrest of the couch. His nose traced a line up Kylo's neck, lips sucking hot kisses against the exposed skin. He felt Kylo's breath catch in his throat beneath him, soft sounds escaping his lips. Hux's teeth grazed gently just under his ear and Kylo's arms relaxed to hold Hux's shoulders and hips.

Hux ran a hand down Kylo's arm, slowly, slowly, until he snatched the papers back.

“Ha,” he said triumphantly, kissing the tip of his nose in victory as he rolled over to lay on Kylo like a human pillow. He settled back against him and resumed his reading.

“You fight dirty, Hux,” Kylo sighed, but smiled.

“If need be,” Hux replied. Kylo tucked Hux in his arms as he rested his chin on Hux's shoulder. He let Hux finish reading, only distracting him with tiny kisses.

\- - -

It had been a long day at work, but Hux was happy enough to be on his way home. Kylo had texted him that he was waiting for him and that always brought a smile to his face. As soon as Hux shut his apartment door and locked it, he felt a familiar pair of hands on his hips, turning him around to latch plush lips onto his own.

“Hello to you too, Kylo,” Hux laughed when Kylo pulled back enough for him to speak, only to kiss his way up Hux's jawline. “Needy, are we?” He definitely didn't regret giving Kylo his spare key if this was the way he was planning on greeting him when he came home.

Kylo leaned his top half back with a pout, hands not moving from where they pressed Hux lightly into the doorframe. “You're late.”

“I'm sorry, darling,” Hux sighed fondly, bringing a hand up to cup Kylo's face. “I had some extra paperwork to fill out with this project coming to an end.”

Kylo's head tilted slightly from where it had been leaning into Hux's caress. “You called me darling,” he said.

“Oh,” Hux hadn't planned for the pet name to slip out, but Kylo was looking pleased.

“I like it,” he said definitively and kissed Hux again through his smile. Hux could feel his own lips quirking up in response as Kylo nipped at them playfully.

“Kylo, at least...mmm...at least let me take off my coat first,” Hux said between kisses, a small gasp escaping him as Kylo's lips grazed over the sensitive skin of his neck just below his ear.

“Fine,” Kylo's breath ghosted across Hux's ear, drawing a shiver from him. Ren pretended to be entirely inconvenienced by Hux's layers, tugging at his coat sleeves impatiently. As soon as it was off, Kylo was about to fling it across the room, but with one look from Hux he hastily folded it (lopsidedly, but folded nonetheless) and dropped it onto the little table by Hux's door.

Hux carded a hand through Kylo's hair and pulled him back into a slow, deep kiss. He licked gently into Kylo's mouth, sucking his lower lip between his own and drawing a weak little sound out of Kylo that he absolutely adored.

“Damn, Hux, who taught you how to kiss?” he asked breathlessly, only a few millimeters of space between their pairs of lips.

“That would be you,” Hux replied with an upturned quirk of his lips.

“Well I think the student has surpassed the teacher.”

Hux chuckled lightly. “Come back here, I wasn't done with you.”

Kylo eagerly dove back into kissing him, one hand tucking into his hair to pull him closer and the other resting on his hip.

“What's gotten into you today, Kylo?” Hux wondered aloud. “Not that I mind, of course.”

“I missed you,” he replied.

“I was gone for just half an hour more than usual,” Hux retorted. “Oh,” a soft gasp escaped him as Kylo moved onto his collarbone. Somehow he had gotten Hux's tie mostly off and the first two buttons of his shirt undone without him noticing.

“You could be gone for five minutes and I would miss you.” He shivered despite Kylo's warm breath against his skin.

“Well I'm here now,” Hux said, heat speeding up as he still somehow felt himself get nervous about blatantly flirting. “So what are you going to do about it?”

He felt Kylo grin against his collarbone and gasped as Kylo sucked onto his neck. His eyes fluttered shut as Kylo's teeth nipped him lightly. The smallest of moans escaped him as Kylo soothed over the spot with his tongue.

“I love how sensitive you are, Hux,” Kylo murmured against the damp skin and pressed him harder against the wall.

“ _Kylo.”_ Kylo's lips were all over him, his hands felt like they were everywhere. It was all Hux could do to try to reciprocate any of the affections as he was completely happily overwhelmed by the feelings washing over him. Hux felt himself growing hard and only slightly embarrassed at the way he rubbed forward against Kylo's thigh until he felt Kylo's own arousal through the layers of their pants. Kylo made that little noise that Hux was dying to hear again and pushed himself even closer.

Kylo's hands dipped under the waistband of Hux's pants in the back, untucking his dress shirt. “Have you done this before, Hux?” His voice was rough and deeper and Hux barely registered that it was a question being directed at him.

“Once. With a girl. In college. I was drunk,” he said between kisses.

“Hmm,” Kylo mumbled, considering. He pressed a few open-mouthed kisses down Hux's chest as he knelt on the ground in front of him, hands brushing over Hux's hipbones and belt. “Has anyone done this for you before?”

“N-no,” Hux choked out.

Kylo smiled. “May I?”

Hux nodded, heart pounding in his chest harder than he could ever remember it beating. Kylo leaned forward and nuzzled against him lightly, and Hux thought he would die from the sensation. He let out an embarrassing whine before he could stop it as Kylo kissed him through the layers of fabric. Hux could only watch and try to keep his eyes open as Kylo unfastened his belt and eased down his zipper, sliding his pants down to his knees.

He was surprised that Kylo couldn't hear his racing heart, his rapid breaths. Or maybe he could. Hux's eyes fluttered shut and his head rolled back as Kylo palmed him through his thin boxers. And the way Kylo smiled at him from his knees, gods he loved this man. Kylo pulled his shorts down, and leaned back for a moment, taking Hux in approvingly.

Hux knew he looked a sight, with his pants and underwear around his knees, partially unbuttoned shirt rumpled on his frame, tie hanging limply around his shoulders, hickeys sure to be blossoming on his neck. His lips were swollen from kisses and he was sure his hair was a frightful mess the way Kylo's hands had been buried in it earlier. Thoroughly debauched.

“You're so beautiful, Hux,” Kylo said reverently, thumbs tracing his hips.

He slowly reached out to grip him with one hand and Hux just about lost it at the feeling and the sight of Kylo leaning forward, tongue running lightly over his parted lips. Hux's breaths came faster in gasping little gulps, he felt like he was hyperventilating, and Kylo just had a single _hand_ on him for goodness sake.

“Oh gods, Kylo,” he weakly gasped out, voice cracking, trying to breathe normally.

Kylo looked up at him in slight alarm, letting go. “Hey,” he said soothingly, other hand coming to rest on his hip, thumb smoothing over the crease of his hipbone in a calming motion. “Hey, look at me, Hux,” Hux couldn't resist the deep, soft tone. “You ok?”

Hux nodded frantically, not trusting himself with words. He wanted this more than he knew, he certainly didn't want Kylo to stop.

Kylo gave him his lopsided grin again and Hux felt weak. Kylo palmed him slowly, “I've got you, ok?”

Hux gave a single nod, still breathing fast but able to get some oxygen.

“You ready?”

“Please,” he whispered.

There was nothing that could have prepared him for the feeling of Kylo's lips pressing against his tip in a gentle kiss and parting slowly over the head. A moan wrenched out of his chest as a sound he never thought he could make. Kylo bobbed his head down over his whole length before slowly sliding back up and pulling off with a little pop. He mouthed down the side of his cock, one hand holding his shaking hips steady and the other moving, touching, stroking. Hux's head fell back against the wall and his eyes fell shut again as Kylo hummed lightly against the base, vibrations causing feelings more intense than Hux had ever felt.

“Mmm I really hope you like this, Hux,” Kylo murmured into the juncture of hip and groin.

“I- _yes,”_ Hux panted, not able to form a complete sentence.

He felt Kylo smile against him. “Because I'm going to want to do this all the time. You taste amazing.”

Kylo took him back in, bringing a small cry out of Hux. His legs were trembling and he wasn't sure if he'd be able to hold himself up if it weren't for Kylo's steadying hand on his hip.

He didn't last as long as he wanted to, but he couldn't even fathom feeling embarrassed. Kylo was smiling at him like he was the sun, pressing tender kisses to Hux's hipbone as his breathing calmed.

When Hux's legs had mostly stopped shaking, Kylo covered his face in little kisses, tucking him back into his shorts carefully and helping him out of the rest of his clothes. He wrapped an arm around Hux's shoulders and half-carried him to the couch.

“I can walk,” Hux tried to snap at him but his voice was still weak.

Kylo let go and laughed as Hux swayed and stumbled before he caught him securely in his strong arms. “No you can't.”

“You may have just about killed me,” Hux sighed as they settled onto the couch, Kylo sitting up and Hux leaning back against his chest. Kylo's fingers traced over Hux's arms, making little lines between his freckles.

“I'm glad you enjoyed it,” Kylo said smugly against his shoulder. “And that was just a blowjob, imagine if we had sex.”

“Don't brag, it's probably because your mouth is so damn big,” Hux turned to kiss him.

Kylo returned the kiss and nuzzled against him happily. After a moment, Hux noticed he kept shifting around slightly. His eyes dropped to Kylo's pants where he was obviously straining, and wearing far too many clothes in comparison. Hux couldn't help the gleeful feeling that Kylo was in such a state because of him.

He placed his hand that had finally stopped shaking on Kylo's upper thigh. “My turn?”

Kylo's breath hitched as Hux's hand slowly moved on his leg. “Ok,” he said. “I mean, you don't have to-”

“Hush,” Hux interrupted. “I want to. I'll admit I don't really know what I'm doing, but I want to.” He turned so that they were facing each other on the couch, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to Kylo's lips.

“Are you a fast learner at everything, Hux?” Kylo asked huskily, propping his head up on one hand.

He learned quite a bit of things from Kylo that night. He learned that Kylo was particularly vocal with his praise. He learned that if he asked, Kylo would show him _exactly_ what he liked best. And then it was Hux's turn to stare.

He wondered how different it would be, after all he knew what he liked himself. But Kylo touching him had had much more of an effect than when he touched himself. He hesitated only a moment, just figuring out where to start. Hux glanced up into his eyes and Kylo looked as if all of his wishes were coming true all at once. Hux huffed lightly to himself. He figured he needn't worry so much.

He learned that if he twists his wrist just so, Kylo would be reduced to a whining mess of pleas and unable to form complete sentences. He found that he could draw out the sweetest of whimpers if he kissed Kylo gently while swirling his thumb over the tip. He learned that if Kylo begged “right there, Hux, please, _yes_ ,” then he was very close and Hux could bring him over the edge with just the right increase in pressure.

He found that he loved watching Kylo.

“Hux, that was- you're so good,” Kylo panted, reaching for Hux.

“That was just a handjob, imagine when we have sex,” Hux retorted, throwing Kylo's earlier words back at him with a blush rising on his cheeks. Kylo just grinned widely at him.

They lay in each others' arms, sharing soft kisses and caresses in the afterglow. Kylo's hands kept petting through Hux's hair as he nuzzled against him. He cuddled him closer, basking in the warmth of bare skin shared between them.

“Oh,” Kylo said with a laugh.

“Hmm?” Hux replied sleepily.

“I had a surprise for you.”

“Kylo, what more could you possibly do? After that-”

“No, no, I...I planned something,” Kylo admitted.

Hux was intrigued. Enough so that he sat up out of the comfortable embrace in curiosity. “Oh?”

Kylo gave him a small, soft smile. “Yeah. Hold on a second.” He stood up and crossed the room, picking up a case by the coffeetable that Hux had completely not noticed in his preoccupied state. Kylo had brought his guitar.

Kylo's feet shuffled a bit as he stood there, and Hux thought it was cute how shy he looked all of a sudden, a complete contrast to the confidence he had just had. “I, um...I wanted to play something for you.”

Hux couldn't keep the smile off of his face. Ever since their first encounter at the coffeeshop he had wondered about Kylo playing. And after seeing him with the cello, Hux had wanted to hear more.

Kylo perched himself on the edge of the coffeetable in front of Hux, giving him another small smile before he leaned over his instrument and began to play.

Kylo's fingers moved over the strings, lightly plucking and strumming as a soft song began to take form. It was the slightest bit melancholy with a feeling of hope. Hux was torn between closing his eyes and being completely immersed in the music, or watching Kylo's every move. He was beautiful, so beautiful when he played, with such focus and skill. Hux was completely mesmerized.

“That was beautiful,” Hux said softly when he finished, not wanting to break the spell.

Kylo smiled at him again in thanks, faintest blush appearing on his cheeks as he set down his guitar and clasped his hands together.

“What's it called?”

“Oh, I...haven't named it yet,” Kylo admitted. There was something a little funny in the way he said that but Hux wouldn't dwell on it. More important things were happening after all, Kylo had _written_ the song.

“You wrote that?”

“Yeah,” Kylo replied like it wasn't a big deal, then took in a breath. “I, um, well I wrote it for you. To thank you. I wanted to do something for you. You make me so happy and my life has been better with you in it. You make me a better person. And I love you.”

“Kylo,” Hux breathed. Kylo finally looked up at him, dark eyes shining with emotions. “I don't even have the words to tell you how much that means to me.”

He reached a hand out towards Kylo, who took it with a watery smile. Hux threaded both hands into his hair, pulling him down into a tender kiss.

"I love you so much. More than anything," Hux whispered, lips sealing his promise against Kylo's in a lingering kiss. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, your support and comments and kudos give me life. I'm so happy everyone's been enjoying this so far <3
> 
> Coming up in 14: Leia


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Hux are invited to Christmas at Leia's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the love everyone! I hope you enjoy this chapter <3

Hux is 30 years old when he meets his boyfriend's mother.

\- - -

For the first time in the years at his job, Hux was glad for the two weeks of holiday vacation time. In prior years, he would grumble about the wasted time, try to take projects home to work on, and be twitching with the itch to get back to the office by the end of the time off. But this year, this year he had Kylo. And for once in his life he was glad to have the vacation time. Kylo's students were off of school and so he had free time as well, taking up an almost permanent residence in Hux's apartment.

Days were spent taking walks in the snow, gloved hands clasped together and cold pink noses nuzzled against each other for warmth. Nights were spent cuddled up on Hux's couch, sipping hot chocolate from a large mug they shared, stealing marshmallows and sweet kisses. They fell asleep and woke up together beneath fluffy blankets in Hux's bed, snuggled in each other's warm embraces. Kylo had taken to brushing his lips gently over Hux's neck until he fell asleep, and Hux would wake Kylo up with tender kisses.

Hux couldn't remember ever being happier or more content than he was now, wrapped in Kylo's arms on his couch.

Until Kylo's phone rang.

He sat up enough for Kylo to grab at the device. “One of your students?”

Kylo stared at the screen for a moment, paling slightly. “It's my mom.”

Hux sat up straighter, watching as Kylo stood up and answered the phone, beginning to pace around his living room.

“Hello?” Kylo sounded nervous. Hux couldn't remember Kylo ever texting or calling his mother. He wasn't sure how close they were, all of Kylo's comments about her had been about things that had happened in the past. His nervous energy was putting Hux on edge.

“...I guess so?” Kylo suddenly held the phone away from his ear as a loud, indecipherable voice came out of it. It didn't sound angry, and Hux supposed that was good, but he wished that he could hear some of it just to figure out what was going through Kylo's mind so he knew what was happening.

“Mom it's not like I don't _ever_ talk to you!” Kylo sounded offended. It reminded him of some of the conversations he'd overheard in his dorm back in college, kids with worried parents trying to defend their lack of calling.

“Yeah ok fine it's been a year...” Kylo admitted, resigned. No wonder Hux had never heard much about Kylo's mother. He watched as Kylo continued to pace the small room, one hand running through his dark hair.

Kylo stopped and looked up at Hux for a moment. Hux froze, quirking an eyebrow up at him in question. “...Yeah. Yeah actually, I am.” Kylo tilted the phone a bit away from his ear as a small smile crept onto his face. He tore his gaze away from Hux, but not before Hux could see his ears going red.

“Bye, mom,” Kylo said insistently. Hux knew that was the tone of someone that wanted to get off the phone. “Yes, yes, I _promise._ Bye.”

Hux remained silent as Kylo sat back next to him on the couch. He cleared his throat and looked over at Hux awkwardly. Hux stiffened. Something was up.

“So...um...I'm not sure how much of that you heard but...we kinda have to go visit my mom?”

It irked Hux how he phrased his statement as a question, and he was about to reprimand him until he fully processed Kylo's sentence. “ _What.”_

“It's just...” Kylo looked embarrassed. “Well, for Christmas and all...?”

“Kylo,” Hux said disbelievingly. “Christmas is _four days from tomorrow._ And you're telling me this now? Is this a normal thing you do for the holidays? We were just going to stay here and-”

“Well no not really, not recently, but she just called and I don't know,” Kylo interrupted. “I guess I panicked. I usually hate seeing my family but now that I've been done with all my anger management stuff and my job is doing ok and I feel better about things and I have you I just...I thought maybe it'd be ok. That I could handle it this time.”

With Kylo's confession making him sound so small, Hux couldn't find it in himself to be angry with him. Besides, there were plenty of other emotions speeding through his brain.

“And you dragged me into this?” Hux asked warily.

“Well she asked me if I was bringing anyone, so...”

Hux bit his lip. “Is that alright?”

“Come on, Hux, we're practically living together at this point,” Kylo laughed nervously.

“You know what I mean,” Hux bristled.

Kylo looked at him carefully. “You're nervous,” he said after a moment, his gaze softening. “Is that what this is about?”

“Maybe,” Hux retorted. He knew he was being difficult, but he was still trying to figure out what exactly he was feeling about the whole situation. Excitement that this was a big important step, sadness that he couldn't return the gesture, and mostly a mix of fear and dread.

“Hux, I know I've said some stuff about my family, but really, it'll be fine. A lot of it was my fault I guess and everyone's better now, and it'll be mostly just my mom there anyway, and-”

“Does she know?” Hux interrupted.

“Know what?”

“That we don't Match.” Hux hated to bring it up at all, hated to even think about it. He didn't want to cause problems for Kylo with his family. But he also was sure, more than anything else, that he wasn't letting Kylo go. Not again. Never again. He just wanted to know what he was walking into.

“I...I just said I was bringing someone. I didn't say. She didn't ask. She was just excited I was coming, and not by myself. Is...are you-”

“I just wonder if she'll be upset. Hate me before she even knows me, you know? Your parents Matched. Perfectly, Kylo. And lots of people don't like non-Matches.” Hux sighed.

Kylo took his hand carefully in both of his. It reminded Hux of that night they had spent talking in the park, the first time that Kylo had touched him. “It'll be fine. I think. Probably. I mean, we can just leave if we need to, Hux. It'll be ok.”

He said it so earnestly, Hux was starting to believe him. He leaned forward until his forehead rested against Kylo's chest. “I cannot believe you dragged me into this,” Hux complained with the beginnings of a smile forming on his lips.

“I know, I know,” Kylo petted his hair soothingly.

\- - -

In a frantic moment, Kylo had realized he didn't have any presents to bring now that he actually committed to seeing everyone for Christmas. Despite Hux's complaints that this was the worst possible time to go shopping, they really had no other choice. Phasma cheerily agreed to go along with them and ended up being incredibly helpful at deciding gifts.

The three of them looked a formidable force walking into the mall, three towering figures on a mission to get the presents and get out. Most of the presents seemed relatively normal, things one would typically give older relatives or parents, but then there was one moment when Kylo had stopped mid-step and whirled around, heading an entirely different direction with nothing more than “Oh and Chewie! Chewie likes steak!”

“What kind of weird relatives...?” Hux trailed off, hurrying to catch up with Kylo.

“Hey, if you like steak, you like steak,” she teased.

“But for Christmas? For a present?” Hux felt like he was missing something important.

Phasma just shrugged and followed them, amused by the whole situation.

\- - -

December 23rd found Hux and Kylo packing Kylo's small old car with a suitcase to share and neatly wrapped presents (Hux's doing once he saw Kylo nearly cover a box in tape). Hux's anxiety about seeing Kylo's mother and family still had not decreased any, and he was nearly pacing with the energy of his increased heart rate, fidgeting with every little thing he could get his hands on.

Kylo caught his shaking hands, rubbing his thumbs over the backs of Hux's knuckles. “You're still so nervous,” he mused.

“I can't help it,” Hux sighed. He felt the slightest bit better and more relaxed in Kylo's hands, but it would take a lot to calm him down.

Kylo pressed his lips to the backs of his knuckles, brushing lightly across his skin as they made their way up his arm. Kylo's nose nuzzled against his elbow, trying to move the sleeve out of the way.

Hux laughed, “what are you doing?”

“Distracting you,” Kylo smirked against his skin. He took Hux's face in his hands, gently kissing across his brow and eyelids, soft pecks on his cheek, as if he were kissing each freckle. Hux let his hands rest on top of Kylo's as he tilted his head up for a proper kiss.

“Thank you,” Hux murmured, kissing Kylo more deeply.

 

It took Hux hours to fall asleep that night with all the trepidation about their journey in the morning. He hated that he was probably keeping Kylo awake, fidgeting and twitching around in his arms, but whenever Kylo roused he just snuggled into Hux with a happy sigh and went back to sleep.

They woke up early, Kylo driving them the few hours to his mother's house. Hux was silent for most of the ride, trying to stare out the window to pass the time. But two hours into their trip, Hux was certain he was about to wear a hole in the knee of his pants from his fingers' constant drumming on them.

“We're about halfway there,” Kylo said the moment Hux looked over at him as he was about to say something. He rested a hand on Hux's knee for a minute before returning it to the wheel, the touch helping calm Hux.

The remaining two hours felt simultaneously like the longest and shortest hours of Hux's life.

“I can't believe you dragged me into this,” Hux mumbled again as Kylo pulled into the driveway.

Kylo hummed noncommittally, pressing a kiss to Hux's cheek as he put the car in park.

“You ready?” Kylo asked, knowing the answer already.

“Just...just give me a moment,” Hux said fretfully, heart in his throat. “Go on and say hi to your mother and I'll...I'll gather our things.”

Kylo kissed him tenderly, thumb running soothingly on the back of his neck. “It'll be ok.”

Hux nodded and Kylo went to go ring the doorbell.

He took a breath, and then another, trying to steady himself. He felt like this whole thing was ridiculous and yet he couldn't stop the anxious feelings no matter how much logic he put into it.

He was only able to get out of the car as Kylo and his mother were walking over.

She was a small woman but she managed to look stern and motherly all at once. Hux blinked at them as they approached, not sure what to say, words catching in his throat anyway. He figured he must look like a deer caught in the headlights because Kylo faltered slightly when he glanced back up at him.

“Still painting your nails black, I see,” his mother commented, holding up one of Kylo's hands as they got closer to the car.

“Still wearing your hair in ridiculous buns,” Kylo retorted.

Hux felt extremely uncomfortable about the exchange until they both laughed and she put an arm around Kylo.

“Well, aren't you going to introduce me?” she smiled at Hux.

Hux thought his heart was going to rip right out of his chest.

“Mom,” Kylo began. “This is Hux.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up in 16:   
> Hux is 30 years old when he cries for the third time. The first time with a happy reason.   
> Oh friends. You have no idea :)  
> Chapter 16 was my inspiration for this entire fic.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux is 30 years old when he meets his Match's mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I cried writing this chapter, does it mean you'll all have feelings about it too?  
> This is it, guys, this is the chapter that started this entire thing. This moment was the idea that popped into my head to create this fic. I sincerely hope that you all enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.   
> Special dedications:  
> For Lore, who has been incredibly supportive of everything and has stuck with me and these helpless boys this whole time. For Pidgy, who is new to this fic but has incredible enthusiasm, and for each and every one of you who have read this far, who have left comments that keep me motivated, who have stayed with Kylo and Hux through all of this. I cannot thank you all enough <3

Hux is 30 years old when he meets his Match's mother.

\- - -

“Mom,” Kylo began. “This is Hux.”

If Hux had thought he felt nervous during the drive, during the brief moments Kylo and his mother where whispering out of earshot walking up the path, during the mere seconds they were standing in front of him, it was nothing compared to the crippling feelings of anxiety passing through him now. He knew his eyes widened, that he must look like a deer in the headlights. He noticed the way that her face fell slightly. He hadn't even opened his mouth yet and he was a disappointment. He had finally come to terms with his and Kylo's names not Matching, that their tattoos would forever stay covered, but he knew others would be upset by it. What he hadn't counted on was how much it would sting.

“Hux...” she repeated in greeting, sticking out an unwavering hand.

“Brendol Hux, ma'am, it's a pleasure to meet you.” His full name slipped out. He had only meant to be polite, it was Kylo's mother for goodness sake, and as intimidating as the woman was she managed to have a motherliness about her that Hux found himself missing.

“ _Brendol,_ oh it's so nice to finally meet you! Call me Leia, please, I'm so glad you're here!” Hux was stunned as he was pulled into a tight hug. He was confused as Kylo had implied that she had little to no knowledge of him before arranging their visit. After all, Kylo had said he hadn't even talked to her in years, only that he was bringing someone home.

Shrugging it off as something mothers might do with their adult children, he awkwardly returned the embrace, watching Kylo's face coursing through a series of emotions too quick to identify.

“It's Hux, mom,” Kylo insisted. “Just Hux and Kylo.” Hux frowned a bit but was thankful that he wouldn't have to correct Leia.

Leia hummed at them with a raised eyebrow. “You two really are a pair. Well, I'll let you get unpacked. Hey Chewie!” she called in the direction of the house. “There's someone here to see you!”

Hux noticed how much Kylo perked up at hearing the name. He wracked his brain for a moment- oh yes. The steak-loving relative. He would admit to being curious when suddenly a very large, hairy brown thing came barreling out from the backyard towards them. Hux shifted a step behind Kylo.

“Chewie!” Kylo dropped to his knees in excitement, catching the furry ball as it plowed into him. Apparently Chewie was a dog. That made more sense. Hux felt his lips quirk up into a smile as the dog that looked more like a bear smothered a laughing Kylo in slobbery kisses, making odd excited noises all the while.

Chewie looked up at Hux after a moment, snuffling at the cuffs of his pants, before giving the dog equivalent of a shrug and loping off after Leia towards the house.

Hux followed Kylo into the house, looking around at all the things. They were given the entire basement to themselves, which Kylo explained used to be where his room was until Leia had renovated it in case of guests.

Dinner with Leia was surprisingly less awkward than Hux had been trying to prepare himself for. He was beginning to feel comfortable in her warm acceptance. He did notice though that she seemed to stumble over Kylo's name a few times earlier in the evening and he thought that was odd, but he passed it off as maybe she had an old nickname for Kylo and was trying not to embarrass him in front of Hux. The only thing that was unsettling was that she kept looking over at them with a positively gleeful look on her face whenever they did anything remotely couple-like. But he was happy that she was happy for her son, for them both.

By the end of the night, Hux had become Chewie's new favorite person. Kylo acted jealous because he had always been Chewie's favorite, but Kylo explained that once the dog liked someone, they had instant familial approval from the whole group. Somehow it made Hux feel relieved.

And that was how Hux found himself leaning against Kylo on the couch in the basement with Chewie's heavy head in his lap, petting idly over the dog's ears with one hand and holding Kylo's with the other. He had been contentedly listening to Kylo recall old stories with his mother, learning little quirks about a younger Kylo.

Leia stood up and put another log on the fire before looking up at the old clock on the mantelpiece. Kylo had complained that it wasn't fair that the basement had a fireplace now since he could have used one when he was a teenager and his mother retorted that yes, he could have used one indeed, to burn the house down. Hux had just laughed, he liked how they kept up with each other.

“Alright, Chewie, it's time you and I got to sleep,” Leia said and the giant bear of a dog yawned and flopped off of Hux, trotting over to the stairs. “Remember I'm going to Luke's in the morning, boys. I'll bring Chewie with me, you know how much he loves the car. But I'll be back with Luke and Wedge and Lando in time to make Christmas dinner for everyone. So sleep in from your drive and don't you dare touch those presents before everyone gets here,” Leia scolded and patted her son on the head before going up to bed.

Hux was reminded of the presents that they had brought and went to go get them from their room to put them under the tree with the rest of them. He tucked them under the branches, careful to stack the more precariously wrapped packages. And that was when he noticed that quite a few of the boxes under the tree bore the name “Ben” on the labels.

He felt his heart stop and an icy dread fill his veins. He thought he was done with this and now he'd have to deal with it on Christmas. He vainly hoped that Ben would already be married to his Match, that he was an unfortunate looking older relative Kylo forgot to mention that had never seen the name Hux, or maybe even another beloved pet.

He stiffly walked back to the couch, trying to calm himself, trying to let himself be reassured that it didn't matter, not anymore. He had Kylo and that was what mattered. But his heart was pounding frantically, his breath wasn't giving him air.

“Hux?” Kylo looked concerned. Hux couldn't blame him, he had been fine all evening since the drive and now he was back to square one.

He shook his head, trying to settle back into Kylo's arms, but twitching in his fit of nerves.

“Hux I know this isn't nervousness about meeting my family anymore, what's going on?” Kylo rubbed his hands over his arms gently.

Hux took a breath. He didn't want to bring it up. But he had to. “Who's Ben?” he asked, hating the way his voice trembled. He stared determinedly at the tree skirt and cleared his throat, trying to keep his tone even. “I...I saw a lot of presents for a Ben. That's the only person you didn't mention when we were shopping and...” Hux trailed off, unsure of how to continue.

Kylo was silent for a moment.

Hux could feel his panic rising. Maybe he was a brother, or a cousin, maybe Kylo knew, maybe this Ben was looking for a Hux, what if he wouldn't leave them alone, just let them be happy and-

“I'm Ben.”

The soft admission made Hux look up sharply. “What.”

“I'm...it's me,” Kylo said, finally meeting his eyes.

Hux just stared. He was at a loss for words, could this really be happening?

“Does...” Kylo licked his lips, sounding nervously hopeful. “Do you-”

“Ben? Your name is fucking _Ben_?!” Hux's voice cracked but he didn't care as he smacked Kylo's shoulder, and smacked it again weakly as he felt tears come to his eyes.

“I-”

He had thought someday he would lose what he had with Kylo. Never thought it could last forever, not with the way everyone's life inevitably turned out to be focused around the damn tattoos. Fate had never been kind to him before.

He ripped off his bracelet, dropping it without care onto the floor as he thrust his wrist at Kylo. Ben. Whatever his name was.

“This _whole_. Fucking. Time.” He hated how much his voice broke, how it barely came out.

Kylo caught his wrist gently and stared at it a moment before brushing his fingers over the name. He laughed softly.

“It's not fucking funny, Kylo,” Hux muttered.

“I never liked my name,” Kylo traced the letters, the scar under the B. “I always went by Kylo Ren. Or tried to. Even as a child.”

“Ben...” Hux tried the name. The name that he had been looking for for so long and had tried to give up on, only to have it had been right there all along. It felt both foreign and at home on his lips all at once.

“I think I could get used to it. Hearing it from you. When you say it... I don't hate it from you,” Kylo looked as if he were about to cry. “My family still calls me Ben.”

Hux just sniffled in response, overwhelmed.

“What's it like?” Kylo asked earnestly. “Right now? Finally knowing?”

“Like...like everything's fallen into place. Like I've always known but never could have hoped. I don't know how to describe it,” the words fell from Hux's mouth before he could even comprehend what he was saying. _Ben._ He had found his Ben. And everything was more than he ever could have hoped or dreamed for. “Like all the mysteries are solved. Complete. Relieved. I feel relieved.” Hux smiled as he looked at Kylo. Ben. _Ben._ Finally.

His eyes drifted down to Kylo's bracelet clad wrist. His heart sank just as fast as it had grown elated. “Kylo...Ben, I- I want you to be able to feel this, I...I just-” he stuttered out, losing the good feelings to fear.

“Yeah, I'd agree that's how it feels,” Kylo interrupted, grinning.

Hux's brow creased. “What do you-”

“Please don't be mad,” Kylo said quickly. Hux's heart rate sped up. He didn't dare breathe. Could it be possible, could it actually be...

“Kylo...” Hux said nervously.

“I didn't want to make you upset, I know how you felt about the Half-Matches and I didn't think you had- well, with your mother and all,” he rambled, words jumbling together. “I mean I knew since the instant I found out but I didn't think yours would be, since, I mean, well, you said yours was common so I didn't want to get my hopes up and I thought since I went by Kylo,” he rubbed at the back of his neck. Hux was having trouble following along with his jumping thoughts. “I didn't care if you didn't have my name because it wouldn't change how I felt about you, but knowing, Hux, knowing made me love you even more.”

“I love you too,” Hux said weakly, trying to see where this was going, hopeful heart surging along in one direction with his brain screaming at him not to let it.

“I _know_ ,” Kylo insisted. “I was selfish and I thought I would only have a short time with you before, well, you know, but you had said you'd given up too, so I thought it could work, and I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd feel bad, but now that-”  
“ _Ben._ ” Hux stopped him.

Kylo's mouth snapped shut and he held out his wrist.

Hux stared at it. He couldn't move.

“Go on,” Kylo insisted.

Hux couldn't breathe. He couldn't. He reached out with shaking hands and unfastened the bracelet on Kylo's wrist, closing his eyes as he pulled it off. He was afraid to see, afraid to let his fragile hopes be shattered. His heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest. A single tear leaked out of his clenched eyes and it hit him that this was the third time he had cried, but this time, _this_ time it was not out of sadness. It was a fear, a trepidation and a delicate relieved joy he had never felt before seeping through him.

“Hey. It's ok,” Kylo said, just like those months ago, when they decided to try to be together and work through everything. Hux felt Kylo's other hand come up to brush the droplet away, cupping his cheek tenderly. The tender gesture threatened to break Hux right there.

“Just look,” the request was gentle but Kylo's voice was filled with emotion.

He forced his eyes open, keeping them on Kylo's face. He was returning the gaze insistently, not looking away at all, eyes lighting up when they met Hux's own. Smiling. That was what gave Hux the strength to move. Kylo nodded once and motioned down with his eyes. Slowly, achingly slowly, and yet still much too fast, Hux let his eyes fall upon Kylo's wrist where it said-

“Brendol.”

Hearing it in Kylo's voice was just as sweet as seeing it written there on his wrist, so perfectly.

“We Match. We're a Match, Hux,” Kylo's voice cracked and Hux was only able to tear his eyes away from the name for the briefest of moments to see that Kylo was crying too. Hux brought his wrist closer to his face, right in front of his eyes, so close that Kylo's hand came to rest on his forehead. A strange laugh barked out of Hux, turning into some ridiculous expression of feelings he'd never had before in his life as hysterical laughter and sobs came out of him all at once.

“Hux?” Kylo said tentatively.

Hux realized his whole body was trembling. “You... _you-!”_ He couldn't form sentences as he flung his shaking arms around Kylo's neck, knocking him back into the cushions of the couch as he buried his face into his sweater covered collarbone. He wanted to call him an idiot for making them wait so long. He wanted to call Kylo beautiful and perfect and amazing and every good adjective that ever existed. He settled for snuffling into his sweater as he shook in Kylo's arms, trying to calm his racing heart. Kylo's hands rubbed over his back, sniffling as well.

Hux turned to press a little kiss against Kylo's neck, crawling up until he could reach his lips. It was sloppy and wet from their mingling tears and a near miss as Hux was off-balance, but he would swear on his life that it was the best kiss he'd ever have. Kylo's eyes were red and puffy, and Hux knew his own must be as well, but it was the most beautiful sight he could imagine the way Kylo smiled up at him.

“I thought...” Hux began, leaning his forehead against Kylo's and stealing another kiss before he could finish his statement. “I thought I was going to lose you,” he murmured.

“You can't get rid of me that easily, Hux,” he said softly, brushing his nose against Hux's. He kissed him again. And again, and again, until they were melted together as one, until Hux no longer had a white-knuckled grip on Kylo's shirt.

Kylo stood up, scooping Hux along with him in one easy movement as if he weighed next to nothing, carrying him to their bedroom. They kept interrupting each other as they got ready for sleep with little kisses and brushes and grins at each others' bare wrists.

Hux caught sight of himself in the mirror and his appearance nearly startled him. His face was red, his lips were swollen from kisses, and he had a giddy expression on his face, such happiness that he had never before seen on himself.

Hux pulled on one of Kylo's shirts, one he had long since stolen, as he walked back in the bedroom. He felt the pink dusting his cheeks but he always loved the way Kylo looked at him when he wore his things. Hux climbed into the soft looking bed, tucking himself into Kylo's arms and snuggling into his bare chest as their legs tangled together under the warm duvet.

They fell asleep wrapped around each other, sharing slow tender kisses full of love and promise as they drifted off.

 

Hux woke up first, the early morning light softly filtering in through the sheer curtains and falling over Kylo's sleeping form. _Ben._ Hux reached out gently and traced the tips of his fingers over Kylo's shoulder, down his arm, over his torso, just taking all of him in in the soft lighting and newfound deeper realizations of love.

“Hey,” Kylo cracked an eye open to peer at Hux.

“Hey yourself,” he replied happily, fingers continuing their trek across Kylo's warm skin.

“You're smiling,” Kylo gave him a lopsided smirk, still half-asleep.

“Am I?” Hux asked absently, softly tracing the outlines of Kylo's abs.

“That tickles, Hux,” Kylo said but he didn't move away.

“Hmm,” he murmured as he leaned forward, hesitating slightly before shyly placing a kiss just above Kylo's collarbone. Kylo tilted his head down and captured Hux's lips in his own, soft and warm, drawing out a contented hum from Hux.

The soft kisses slowly transformed into deeper, needier ones as Kylo's tongue slid across Hux's bottom lip and his hand came to rest in Hux's hair at the nape of his neck. Hux's hands smoothed up over Kylo's chest and settled on his shoulders momentarily, before wrapping more tightly around him as Kylo rolled them halfway over so that Hux was mostly laying atop him.

Hux huffed out a small laugh as he pulled back from the kisses to nuzzle Kylo's nose with his own, catching his breath. Their lips met again, Kylo pulling him even closer and neither man could keep his hands still as they shifted together. Hux, feeling a little bold, traced his fingers over the waistband of Kylo's shorts.

“Not that I'm not _completely_ in love with this plan, because I've wanted this for god knows how long, but-” Kylo stuttered off as Hux suckled his way up his neck. “But my mom is upstairs and-”

Hux cut him off with a kiss. “No one is home, Kylo. Your mother went to Luke's this morning, remember? I heard her car leave about an hour ago. So,” Hux leaned closer, sliding his lips teasingly against Kylo's as his lust emboldened him. “I suggest we make good of our time alone,” he finished suggestively, with a roll of his hips.

Kylo froze, staring at him and Hux felt his nerves fray in those few seconds. “O-or,” he tried to take back his comments. Maybe he had been too forward, assumed too much, but hadn't Kylo said-

“Oh gods, Hux, I love when you talk like that,” Kylo breathed and pulled him back into a frantic kiss. Hux's fingers tugged into Kylo's hair as one of Kylo's hands ran across his hip and settled there, pulling him down against him, drawing out a little gasp.

“ _Brendol,_ ” Kylo breathed across Hux's neck. “You have far too many clothes on.”

He helped Hux pull off the large shirt, bare chests brushing together. He sat back to get his arms free from the sleeves and Kylo caught his hips there where he straddled him, brushing his thumbs at the waistband of his boxers.

“Gods you're beautiful,” Kylo murmured earnestly, smile quirking at his lips as he stared up at Hux unabashedly.

Hux felt himself turning red as he opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find something to say. “ _Ben.”_

Kylo growled out a little whine. “Come here.” He rolled them so that he was leaning over Hux, an arm on either side of him, elbows framing his head. Hux smiled up into the kiss, feeling safe and protected and loved in Kylo's embrace.

Hux rocked his hips up into Kylo's, pleased at the little gasp of a moan he brought out of those plush lips. Kylo pressed harder against Hux before kissing his way down his lean body, lavishing attention on every inch of skin that he could reach.

“I love you,” Kylo smiled up at him from his waist, big brown eyes shining with the emotion.

Hux carded a hand through his hair, letting it come to rest cupping his cheek. “I love you too. So much. Come back, kiss me?” he pulled at him gently, needing Kylo's lips back on his own.

Kylo complied, kissing Hux so thoroughly that he was more of a puddle of mush than a person as Kylo tugged at their shorts until he could kick them off the end of the bed. Finally, _finally_ divested of all their clothing, Hux moaned as he felt all of Kylo against him, skin to skin.

Kylo took them both in hand, twisting and pulling expertly as Hux's hips stuttered at the new and overwhelming feelings.

“W-wait I...I need,” Hux gasped out, trying to form a complete sentence, to tell Kylo what he wanted.

Kylo paused, an involuntary whimper escaping from Hux at the loss of his warm hand. “Ok. Ok yeah,” he flopped across the bed quickly, getting a bit tangled in one of the sheets as he shoved his hand in one of their bags, just barely within his reach, rummaging through it until he found what he was looking for. Hux would always be thankful for Kylo's uncanny ability to always think of just what he needed. But he didn't dwell on it as Kylo was back on him, kissing him as if his life depended on it.

And maybe it did, in a way. Hux had never felt such a need for anyone as intensely before. Kylo was gentler with him than he even thought possible, he felt things he never thought he would feel. Hux was overwhelmed with pleasure, feeling Kylo within him for the first time, moving together with him.

Hux was lost to the feelings, breaths coming in gasping moans and pants of praise and names. It was the simplest of movements, the smallest of kisses that sent him over the edge as Kylo laced their hands together, fingers intertwining, whispering his love as he pressed the gentlest of kisses to Hux's parted lips.

And laying together, catching their breath in the afterglow, fingertips still running over every flushed surface they could reach, Hux had never felt so loved in his entire life. He couldn't be happier, staring at the man in front of him, eyes shining back at him with adoration. Everything as it was meant to be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up in chapter 17: It just gets happier from here, folks! <3 <3


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux didn't think he could be this happy, and everything just keeps getting better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in like 2 months D: I wrote this, and then rewrote it, and then rewrote it again...
> 
> Ummm warnings I guess: lots of kissing, an overload of fluff, implied sex
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!

Months later found them in the park, _their_ park as it had come to be known between them, sharing a picnic in the spring sunshine. Kylo had brought his guitar, plucking out the song he had played for Hux so long ago as Hux fed him little bites of shared ice cream.

Hux sat atop the blanket, packing up their leftover utensils and plates as Kylo flopped backwards into the grass, sprawling out his long limbs in the lush green. Hux leaned back too, reaching out for Kylo's hand. Neither of them ever wore their bracelets again, and Hux smiled as he traced his fingers over his name before lacing their fingers together.

Basking in the sun and the happiness, Hux couldn't remember a time when he had been so happy. He allowed his eyes to fall shut as Kylo pulled him to his chest, Kylo was always the best pillow. Hux could feel him fidgeting in the grass, pulling at some of the longer pieces and letting them fall.

Then suddenly Kylo was still. Hux would have guessed he had fallen asleep if not for the quickly thumping heartbeat right against his cheek. He murmured a soft sound of question, not forming complete words ass Kylo sat up, cupping something in his two large hands.

“Hux,” he breathed.

Hux moved up to look at him as Kylo picked the little thing out of his palms. It was a ring. Made of a flower. One of Hux's hands flew to his mouth as he stared at Kylo looking up at him hopefully.

“Hux... _Bren_ , my love, my Match, will you-”

“Yes!” Hux cut him off as he took Kylo's face in both hands to kiss him. “Yes, yes, yes,” he laughed giddily, repeating himself as Kylo slid the little flower onto his finger.

Kylo beamed at him and then suddenly Hux was enveloped in strong arms as Kylo kissed him back.

Kylo gently leaned him back onto the blanket as he deepened the kiss. “ _Fiance,”_ he purred at Hux, and Hux let out an involuntary whimper. The word did more to him than he'd thought it would, it was as if all of Kylo's love and devotion from all their time together was poured into one single thought.

Kylo laughed against his lips before pulling back slightly. “You like that,” he commented. Commented _unnecessarily_ , Hux thought, but he couldn't stop his face from heating up in response. “What about when I can call you husband?” Kylo asked.

Hux shivered, pulling Kylo more tightly against him. Yes, husband was even better. “Hmm I could get used to that,” he smiled, pressing a kiss to the edge of Kylo's lips.

“Yeah?”

“Mmm,” Hux hummed his assent as Kylo nuzzled against him, breath warm on his neck before returning to Hux's lips in a soft kiss. Hux smirked a little into the kiss, licking at Kylo's lip and into his mouth, drawing out a moan from his fiance. _Fiance._ He doubled his efforts as he leaned up into Kylo, pushing him sideways until he could rest atop Kylo's chest. He lazily rolled his hips down, getting exactly the reaction out of Kylo that he wanted.

“Hux,” Kylo whined, pulling back just enough from the kiss to voice his neediness.

“Yes?” Hux replied smugly.

“That's not fair.”

“Oh?” He ground his hips down again. He knew they were in the park, that anyone could walk by, and any other time he'd be nervous but the racing of his heart was of pure elation.

“Fuck, Hux,” Kylo gasped as Hux continued to move his hips gently, latching onto Kylo's neck with his lips and tongue. “No it's not fair when you kiss like that and do that thing with your hips and-”

“Oh, this?” He rolled his hips down again, ending with a little snap. He had quickly learned what drove Kylo crazy, and high off of the joyous rush of becoming engaged he planned to exploit every little bit he could.

“ _That.”_

Hux chuckled softly but didn't let up as he kissed Kylo languidly, feeling Kylo's hands tighten on his hips as he twitched beneath him.

“Hux,” he whined again.

“Alright,” Hux laughed, “I'll be nice. We can go home.”

As soon as the words left his lips, they were covered with Kylo's own, kissing him frantically in thanks. He was rather unceremoniously pushed off of his fiance and onto the grass as Kylo scrambled to gather their blanket and basket up quickly, holding them in front of his lap as he stared at Hux with flushed cheeks. 

“Ok let's go!”

Hux laughed again as Kylo slung his guitar over his shoulder and practically dragged him down the sidewalk back to his apartment.

He still felt like teasing Kylo a bit, drawing everything out as he made him wait while he put away all the things from their picnic. Kylo kept stealing kisses as Hux tucked the blanket away in the closet and set the dishes in the sink. When Kylo was about to pick him up and carry him off, Hux took his hand with a smile and led him to his bedroom.

The boldness and confidence he felt wasn't altogether new, not with how he felt about Kylo, but it was still more than he usually liked to show. Yet he didn't feel like holding back, he wanted to show Kylo how much he loved him. There were so many things Kylo had wanted to try, that Hux had been too shy to admit he also wanted, but he wouldn't stop himself this time. Not tonight.

He heard Kylo's unoccupied hand scrabbling around in the nightstand for the small bottle he had to keep replacing more and more often. Hux broke their kiss to take it from his hand.

“My turn?” He hadn't meant for it to come out as a question, but the hopeful and awed expression on Kylo's face answered him anyway.

“Hux.” His name was half a moan and half a whine on Kylo's lips, pleading for him to start.

\- - -

“Hux,” Kylo said weakly, voice raw and soft as he panted for breath.

“Hmm?” Hux looked over at him, only moving his head in his tiredness and the afterglow. He was staring at the ceiling, limbs sprawled out across the messy pile of blankets. Kylo's sweaty hand grasped for his as he blinked slowly, expression dazed.

“What _was_ that?”

“You-” Hux cut himself off, what kind of a question was that? He began to worry if he had done something wrong, if Kylo hadn't liked it as much as he had thought. “You...” he tried again, not sure what to say.

“That was...unbelievable,” Kylo breathed.

“Was it ok?” Hux asked, voice small.

“ _Amazing,_ ” Kylo replied enthusiastically. “You're amazing...Hux. Wow.” One of his arms flopped over his face.

Hux smiled, letting his head fall back towards the ceiling as well. There was a muffled sound and he felt Kylo's laughter shake the bed. “What?”

“Shit. I would have proposed months ago if I knew that was going to happen.”

Hux tried to swat his shoulder but it was just a gentle flick as he huffed out a sound of exasperation. “Yes I quite enjoyed it as well.”

That only caused Kylo's giggles to increase, becoming infectious until Hux was also gasping for breath alongside him.

“If I asked you to marry me again, would you do it again?”

Hux rolled to drape himself halfway across Kylo's chest, tangling their legs together. “Do which? I'd say yes again, if you asked me to marry you,” he murmured, leaning down for a soft kiss. “And I'll do _that_ again whenever you want,” he flexed his hips suggestively, too tired to actually do anything about it.

“I love you,” Kylo said, pulling Hux back for another gentle kiss.

“I know. And I love you as well,” Hux brushed his nose against Kylo's before returning for another tender kiss.

They fell asleep wrapped in each others' arms, sharing sleepy kisses until they both drifted off, dreaming of the days to come.

\- - -

6 months later, Hux walked along the familiar path, boots whisking through the crunchy, fallen leaves. He breathed in the crisp fall air, afternoon sun warming his face. He was happy. Hux had the beginnings of a smile on his face almost permanently these days.

He sidestepped the wonky cobblestone that he had tripped on a few times and knelt before the weather-worn stone marker honoring his mother.

“Hi, mom,” he said quietly. “Sorry it's been a while. I've been extraordinarily busy, I'm sure you know. I just wanted to tell you that I'm happy. I really am.”

Hux traced his fingers over her name. “I found him. Ben. I found him, mom. You'd like him,” his voice cracked a little and he cleared his throat. “I promise these are happy tears. I know you never really saw me cry. He's wonderful. He's so much more than I ever would have expected. You were right, you were always right, you know.”

He sighed to himself as he felt warm arms reach around him and pull him into a hug. “Kylo...”

“Hey,” a deep voice said in his ear as he felt Kylo's large nose nuzzle into his neck.

“Your nose is cold,” Hux complained half-heartedly.

“Good thing I have you to warm it up,” he felt Kylo smirk against his shoulder.

“Did you get the flowers?”

“Of course I did.”

“Did you have a nice talk with your dad?”

“Yeah,” Kylo said quietly.

Hux reached back ran a hand fondly through Kylo's hair.

“Mom...this is Kylo. Ben.”

“Hi,” Kylo said softly.

“We're...we're getting married. Today. And we're so happy. I wish you could be here, I wish you could have met him.”

He felt Kylo gently catch one of the tears that escaped, kissing his cheek where he had wiped it away. Hux traced over the engraved letters once more and turned to his fiance.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

Hand in hand they left the cemetery where they had met, collecting Phasma and Leia where they were waiting for them by the gate.

\- - -

Brendol Hux II is 31. And everything is perfect.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you!!   
> Come yell at me on [tumblr](http://katherine1753.tumblr.com) if you want
> 
> One more chapter to go!


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